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Non-reciept of Child Support

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Question as to what ACTUALLY happens when the other parent misses CS payments.

Does the court find them in contempt? Loss of visitation? Jail? Does it depend on if they're the father or the mother?

My wife is JUMPING on the opportunity to involve lawyers after a week of not getting a CS check, and I personally don't think it's something that should exculde her EX from seeing his daughter. We're pretty well off money wise.

Does anyone have personal accounts of this, considering all evidence is anecdotal - judges are inconsistent -, I'd appreciate having an idea of what's to come.

STaround's picture

If CS is not paid, the courts where I live will first start wtih threatening loss of drivers license, other state licenses and yes eventually jail.   In my county, many times the jail will only be served on weekends, so the person can keep working.

Very few moms are COd to pay CS, and disproprotionately more are troubled, drugs etc.   In theory, same rules apply.  Many here would say moms are favored.  I have not seen stats. 



ETA -- a week late???  silly to even consider going to court

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Oh, she and her family are willing to grasp at any straw to try to keep the man's daughter away from him and his family.

hereiam's picture

Getting lawyers involved because CS is a week late is ridiculous, a waste of time and resources. In my area, that wouldn't even really be considered late.

Visitation and CS are two separate issues and have nothing to do with each other. She cannot deny his visitation because of a late child support payment.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, our shared paychecks do not enter into the "lawyer payment" pool. She uses her daughter's college fund to support her crusade, although I think thats been depleted  and my FIL is footing the bill now.

If there wasn't a bunch of privacy issues, I'd post FIL's e-mail sent to the lawyer that read to the tone of "If you don't file this contempt motion immediately we will find a new lawyer who does their job."

They're nuts when it comes to this kid. Dad's family aren't bad people. At all. I give my input to my wife, document the happenings, and move on. She's mentioned "just not taking the kid until she gets paid". I advised her NOT to do that, she'd probably lose the security clearance for her job if she went to jail.

Time will tell.

hereiam's picture

I don't care who is footing the bill, this is foolish. Any good lawyer knows it's a waste of time to file a contempt charge for a CS payment being a week late.

If she keeps his daghter from him, I hope he files contempt charges against her.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Oh, I'm in no way a victim here. I put my foot down right away. We share our paychecks, but not the bills that are specifically for her child.

She had tens of thousands in a college account for her child, and she pulls from that to pay for SD related bills.

I also became aware of her condition awhile back, and have been keeping immaculate records of these happenings on my own.

I love my wife a ton, but I hope she gets put through the wash in court pertaining to her daughter and her ex. Maybe after 50/50 is ordered, she'll start to adjust, but who knows.

futurobrillante99's picture

I think her bitterness towards her ex is very revealing. Don’t you? Unfinished business?

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

No, there's zero communication apart from a shared e-mail account.

Frustrated future SM's picture

Futuro is right. It doesn't matter that they don't communicate. Your wife is showing you she's still in love with her ex. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If she truly didn't care for him anymore she'd be letting him see his daughter and wouldn't be so evil and vindictive about it.

My bf and I ended our relationship recently and guess what??? He immediately went right back to his exBM who he claimed he hated and who treated him like shit. She went out of her way to PAS his 2 kids with her. When he broke up with her she refused to let him see his kids and tried so hard to turn them against him. She put him through a nasty custody battle and I reminded him of all that and he STILL went back to her. Claimed he loved her and could forgive her. Just goes to show people will jump at the chance to get their first family back together of they can, doesn't matter that they claim to hate their ex.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

A woman willing to deny visitation to the father for one missed support payment isn't going to "adjust". She will find whatever reason she can to prevent contact with the father or in other ways impact it. This is high conflict behavior and you are enabling.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

"Enabling" would assume that I have authority over her as her husband.

I don't think that's how modern women work.

I get what you're saying though, but I'm not going to physically force her to do the right thing. I'm also not going to divorce her - if only for the reason that our shared daughter live in a stable 2 parent household.

Tog Redux gave me a good idea of my wife's condition conerning these matters. Considering it effects about 10% of my day on any given day, it's easy to bypass.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Enabling has nothing to do with authority. I enable my boyfriend by sharing in the finical resposiblities of our home. Even if I only cover "my" part of our bills that still enables us to live in a bigger home more appropriate for the children. I enable him by giving verbal approval, not in the form of saying he CAN do something, but approving that he is right to do it. I enable him by supporting him emotionally.

So you do have a daughter. Again you have to consider if you guys we're together. Would you want her doing this to your joint child. If not why would up in any way lead her to think this is ok. Yeah you can't force her not to do something but you can give your opinion.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Oh, I do give my opinion, surely.

My opinion is in favor of the father, obviously.

But "leave her because she's doing bad things to her ex" seems counterproductive when it's the only place that we have conflict, no?

I'm not a  party to it just because she does it without my consent, to a child that I have very little responsibility for, I would think.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

In some states, CS isn't considered late until its over 30 days late.  It seems a little ridiculous to go to court over 1 week, especially if the NCP usually pays on time.

justmakingthebest's picture

^ this is what I was going to say. It isn't late until 30 days after the 1st of the month.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Totally agree.

Her family frothes at the mouth at any opportunity.

"I hope he dies", comes out of her father's mouth often.

thinkthrice's picture

you could just as easily fall out of favour with wifey and her family UNLESS you kiss her backside!

YIKES!  Sounds like the Girhippo and her clan.  You're not StepDaddyBigBucks are you? 


juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

I'd probably be the one to make out in the event of a divorce-monetarily.

So does that make her BioMumBigBucks?

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Sure until she does the same thing to you and alinates your child from you while taken every last dollar in child support she can. You think she won't do it to you? Sure else where you say you are "pretty great" except the girl. Well guess what. This girl is in your home and will impact you more than you think. You can disengage but what happens when you don't fill in a mr. amazing step dad who stepped up where sperm donor failed?

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

From my experience right now, nothing. I'm not saying divorce won't happen for one reason or another, but we're pretty much done fighting over me being a replacement dad.

SD's impact on me is near zero. I don't handle discipline, food, entertainment, anything really. I have headway to do what I want, which is normally entertaining my infant. There are zero complaints from my wife on that front.

But if we did get a divorce, I mean, she could try to be the custodial, but it'd be a uphill fight for her, especially since I'd corroborate with her ex about his accusations. I came into this marriage with no debt, but also with no assets (fresh career). We own a upper-middle house, vehicles, college funds, all with my name as the primary or secondaryowner. I married into money with no prenuptual, but it wasn't why I got married. I'm also not planning on divorcing my wife and taking half of the estate and my daughter. It's probably a good deterrant for her to stay married and work through problems, though.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

 My SO’s order clearly states that missing child support payments are not an acceptable reason to deny visitation as well as saying that being denied visitation is not an excuse for not paying child support. BOTH parties would be in contempt of the order and subject to the consequences.

That being said jumping on one missing payment is a waste. Most courts won’t act until there is a significant amount past due because they understand life happens. If a parent loses a job the children still deserve to see that parent.

My SO owes back pay. I haven’t talked about it here but some stuff got screwed up at the very end when the divorce order was finalized. After a certain amount the court acted by adding a percentage of the past owed to his biweekly payments. So he pays his normal owed + 50ish extra. He is required to pay back ALL of what is owed even if custody changes and child support is dropped. On top of that we pay extra directly to the account when we can.

BM has no right to deny him visitation with the child and doing so wouldn’t benefit her or the kids. Denying them contact doesn’t make up for the missing money. It hurts their relationship with their father which is more important than money.

Yes some parents go too far but if a parent shows they are trying in good faith the children shouldn’t be denied a relationship with that parent.

Now as for penalties. After a certain amount is owed the court can do a few things. SO has lost his right to apply for a passport until the back paid is owed. Any tax refunds will be diverted to BM. If were to continue not pay they could take his drivers licenses. They also forcibly take child support directly from his check which prevents him from not pay as long as he has a job. In extreme cases yes the court will issue jail time and yes a parent can seek help from the court.

Again what it comes down to though is what’s best for the child. Children aren’t taken from parents who need assistance, they aren’t taken from parents who are homeless, they aren’t taken from parents who are sick. Being with a parent is more important to emotional health than money.  Yes money to provide for the kids is important. I’m not denying that but again it comes back to good faith. One missing payment doesn’t make a bad parent.


Also if I may. I’m reading the comments from you above. How can you support this woman who is intentionally trying to prevent the child from having a relationship with her father? Is dad a bad guy? If so seek direct court protection not a workaround. Picture if you have children with this woman and something happens and you break up. Do you want this same stuff done to you? Again if dad is bad that’s one thing.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

I don't support it. I actively do the opposite.

Dad was a loser, sure. I have and do a lot of things that he doesn't.

Do I think he's bad? Nah. He did clock my FIL awhile back, which landed him in a cell for a year, but in his spot - I would've wanted to clock him too.

Do I think my marriage will end over any of it? No, probably not. Aside from the dealings with her daughter, we're pretty great. We both love our shared daughter, and we take time out to do things with her. I mean, could it end over this? Probably, if I involved myself further. SD is fine, there's no imminent danger, so the courts will decide what's best.

advice.only2's picture

This doesn't sound like a marriage but more like a minefield that you are constantly mapping out. Is it the thrill of the strategy that keeps you intrigued?

Personally your level of immaculate lists and checks and balances leaves me exhausted just reading it. I can't even imagine being in a marriage where it's a constant game of Risk.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

LOL. It's exhausting, yeah. I'm adult enough to not resent the child, which is a big part of peoples discontent, I think.

It keeps things interesting though. I plan to stay as in tact as possible for our shared daughter's sake.

There's a plain to see separation in our lives when it comes to her interactions with her own daughter.

So it's not necessarily like "Risk". It's like there are 3 board games constantly being played. She and her daughter. Our daughter and me, and then she, myself, and our daughter. I was asked to keep out of the step, so I keep out.

I think it's probably amusing to read about the dysfunction, so I post here to get some feedback.

Thumper's picture

Hate to break it to ya "Bud" but the majority of us here on ST are not amused in the slightest about dysfunctional homes when kids are involved. It is not surprising your wifes parents are as charming and disgruntled  too.

Poor kids who are involved.

Unless bio dad is in the clinker for drugs, DUI's, child abuse OR neglect --Low life material,,,IMO Doesnt sound like bio dad is a low life.

 all I can say is be very careful, you could be next.

Good luck with everything. Please remember we dont find your dysfunction funny at all.



shamds's picture

To enforce parental alienation at all costs even wiping out and raiding her daughters college fund. Any minor costs for her daughter she associates with being legitimate charges from her college fund. 

This child will end up ready for college with no money in college fund and her mum washes her hands off the situation and tosses her to the side and blames the bio dad for everything and tries to screw him more. Thats what my husbands exwife did stealing over a million dollars from my husband and living as a so-called poor woman unwilling to spend anything towards her 3 kids. 

Her eldest daughter and son entered college solely with my husbands sole financial support. 

Rags's picture

CS and visitation are not connected other than the CO stipulating which parent is the CP and which is the NCP.  Custody and CS are related but visitation and CS are not tied.  Non payment of CS does not cause the NCP to forfeit their time with their child.

Similarly CS is paid by the NCP to the CP each and every month even when the child is with the NCP.

Your DW can and has every right to go after her X for the CS she is owed.  I would caution her against taking legal action after only one missed CS payment.  Mail gets lost.  Judges generally do not take lightly to highly letigious and manipulative CP.. or NCPs for that matter.

I would suggest that you recommend to BioDad that he immediately have CS withheld from his pay and forwarded to your DW.  This way BioDad has zero need to discuss money with your wife.  If her CS is late, that is on the CSE office and not on BioDad.

My SS's SpermClan liked to play games with CS.  It was always set up through the CSE office though they would write checks or deliver cash to the CSE office and they would make the direct deposit to our account.   It was rarely consistent.  The CSE office would send whatever they received whitch was rarely the entire $110/mo.  It would come in $10 here, $50 there, and occassionally it took a few months for a single months total to be paid.   After our first court hearing CS was increased to $133/mo where it stayed for 9 years until my wife finally filed for a CS ammendment.  To eliminate the nickle and dime dribble deposits at that time my DW requested direct payroll withholding of CS from the SpermIdiot's checks.  That was interesting. He called crying about it and how his parents quit paying his CS for him once direct payroll withholding was invoked.   They paid every penny of his CS for him for 10 years.  When CS was raised and direct withholding invoked SpermGrandPa put his foot down and stopped the SpermGrandHag from paying CS anylonger.  After direct withholding was invoked, we never had another issue with consistency of CS deposits.

We never needed the money. But that is not the point of CS.  CS is designed to insure that a kid has the benefit of the incomes of both of their parents and IMHO so that the kid can see a demonstrable  action that their NCP cares enough to participate in the kid's support.

That you are well off is not the issue.  The issue is that BioDad should be stepping up and paying his CS.  Direct payroll withholding will make that happen and will shut your wife down in harrassing BioDad.

Steptalker2's picture

I guess I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where my partner is still enmeshed with his ex. You’re the one who posted that your wife always complains about her ex correct? Now she sending lawyers after him? She still has feelings for him. Indifference is what she should be feeling, not anger. I have no feelings for my ex. I could care less of one day he lost his job and the child support stopped coming through, I could care less if he lived or died. I’ve been with my DH for four years and I’ve probably only mentioned my ex twice. That’s sad even FIL thinks he should die. Maybe FIL is in love with her ex too. She told you to not get involved in step related things to give her space to continue her relationship with her ex.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

That's not the case, I wouldn't think. All communication is done through a court-supplied e-mail app, where I have the login. Drop offs for visitation are done through a 3rd party. There's a restraining order in place, for the past couple of years. Communication between the two has been exactly zero, but my wife communicates things (like CS) through her lawyer.

I think that her feelings are more of disgust and a desire for control.

I think it comes up pretty often, because she's still gripping on to her control, which is becoming weaker and weaker as court dates press forward.

I'm interested to see how she's going to react to complete 50/50 visitation, which is on the horizon, and how that is going to interact with her restraining order that was recently renewed. Is she going to give up, or press harder?

Like I said before though, this is only a small part of our life. This 10% doesn't consume us, and espeically not me, like it does some.

Ispofacto's picture

DW most likely has a personality disorder.  Objective observation would reveal other manifestations of her problem.  These things tend to permeate every aspect of their lives.  I have little doubt she is abusive to you and her children.


HowLongIsForever's picture

Here CS is considered due on the first of the month but is not considered in arrears until the end of that month.

As in one week is not in arrears.  Neither is three weeks.  As to when they start taking action to enforce I'm sure it depends on all sorts of things but the odds of any child support enforcement agency expending the resources over one month in arrears has got to be slim to none.

I'm sure if she could stop frothing at the mouth for 30 seconds to google her jurisdiction's handbook she'd find all of the info she needs.  It would likely contradict her wants, though so I suspect she wouldn't be bothered.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Thank you. I've found out that in my state we have a program that handles wage garnishments, and most child support claims never see the light of a courtroom.

I had to show my wife the article to get her off the phone with her lawyer, it's a slippery slope.

Rags's picture

It is sad that your own child is cursed with this shallow and polluted gene pool.  Do what you can to protect your child.

Good luck.