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Why?

readingandlearning's picture

Why do these divorcees think we should be so happy and priveledged to be around their kids? Even well behaved kids can be tiresome to be around not to mention the cost of their expenses? But chances are their kids will have jealousy issues, emotional problems, will work against you when you are not there and will not the best behaved kids because they are used to be coddled too because of the divorce. So why is it that these people think it is an honor to be around their kids?

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

When my older boys go and see their father and his partner,  I only feel grateful that they all get on. I only speak to their father once or twice a year re plane tickets or something. In my situation there isn’t much need for anything else.

susanm's picture

Maybe it is because I am in a bit of a mood today but do you remember the George Carlin routine about "stuff?"  Essentially it went something like "your stuff is sh*t but my sh*t is STUFF!"  I think it boils down to the fact that most people love their kids and have a blind spot the size of Arizona where they are concerned.  How many times have we heard our DHs say, when seeing other children act out in public, "how can their parents allow that?"  And we have to stop our eyes from rolling so hard that they threaten to fall out of our skull.  It is just human nature.  Very few parents can look at their children with a completely objective eye.

Thisisnotus's picture

I think it's often confused....it's not us Step Moms who are the ones supposed to feel "honored". It's the dads....these poor dads are supposed feel lucky and honored to see their own children....errr ummm  or that BM ALLOWS them to see the kids. So somehow....this is now how these dads feel about their time spent with their kids.....like somehow BM did them a favor. Because we all know that our DHs didn't act this way toward the kids when they were married to their ex's.

My MIL said to me after  my dh divorced his ex (skids were about 9 and 13) "DH is really really lucky that EXwife is wanting and allowing him to be a part of the Skids life" What in the ever loving mother F**Ker???? This is DH's mother talking?? What? My DH should feel lucky??? Lucky to see his own kids??? Uh yeah....sorry lady...there is court order and it doesn't matter one rats fat a$$ if BM would allow it......BUT here is the kicker....he does act like it is priveledge and that he is being "allowed access".....lunactics I tell ya.

 

georgina29's picture

People tend to be bias and not see their kids for who they really are. If they don’t think their poor behavior, whining sense of entitlement,and tantrums are cute they don’t view it as a big deal whereas other people can see their kid has issues. They believe their kid is special and superior because it is their kid.They also expect someone who is completely non related to the child to step up and revolve their life around their kids when they themselves would never do that in a million years for someone else’s children. I’d chalk it up to narcissism and selfishness.

markwvualum's picture

You mean you don’t think her kids are the second coming of Christ that are worth you going broke for? You mean you don’t like wasting tons of money on them in order to be frequently disrespected and exhausted ?

Jcksjj's picture

Sometimes I think they do actually know their kids arent all that great and are trying to project those insecurities onto the adult instead of the kid. Other people seem to legitimately not be smart enough to realize that other people view their kids exactly in the same way that THEY themselves view other people's kids - as just ordinary kids who have personalities that some people click with and some don't. Also, people tend to do alot of oohing and ahhing over babies and little kids that I think some people take as confirmation that their kids are adorable and special when alot of times people are just being polite or they just like kids in general. For example MIL was obsessed with the idea of DH and my kids being blond because 2 out of 3 of her kids were blond (the 2 she had custody of) and she always goes on and on about how people told her they were the cutest kids over because of their blond hair. DH and SIL were fairly cute kids yes, but nothing out of the ordinary. Most likely it was people just commenting on the most obvious trait because there isnt much else to say about babies so they make awkward conversations by saying ohhh they have so much hair or their eyes are so blue etc. But someone narcissistic like that takes it as evidence that yes her children are more special than other children.

Also spoiler alert - both of the ours babies disappointed her by coming out with lots of dark hair.

susanm's picture

Well that was pretty damned inconsiderate of you.  I hope you are ashamed of yourself, young lady!  How dare you fail to control your chromosomes and produce children to order for your MIL?  You had ONE JOB, Jcksjj!!!!!    *ROFL*

 

Jcksjj's picture

Lol - funny thing is my ODS who isn't MILs bio is super blond even though neither is dad or I are. DH was white blond so I think she was counting on the fact that I already had one blond child and DH was blond to be a guarantee that I would produce the correct hair color.

Doublehelix's picture

Maybe I will think differently when I am an overtired parent myself and can't be bothered to be that controlling, lol, but at least right now, whenever we have to take SD with us to a social event, I am OBSESSSED with her behaving properly, bc I do not expect ppl just to fawn over and love children just bc they are children. So yes, I do think it's ridiculous that my partner expects me to love and enjoy hanging out with her/as a family just bc it's HIS CHILD. (Yeah, and...?) Especially when her personality is just like her BM (and he agrees). She's not the devil, but realistically, I would never organically be friends with someone like BM so similarly, I don't relate to SD. But of course, as the dad, he has to love whatever mess they created, and I think it's a universal want for others to love/like the people you care about. BUT, that doesn't always happen, and his inability to comprehend that I don't feel the same way is maddening! And I don't fault him for wanting one big happy family either, bc who doesn't, but WE ARE NOT THAT. Let's just accept reality and be respectful of that.

He always tells me, if the roles were reversed, he would love my child like his own...sure, easy to talk about hypotheticals...and yeah, if the roles were reversed from the start, I probably would want him to love my child like my own, BUT now having been educated in the reality of steplife, if I had a child and entered into a new relationship with someone who didn't, I would FOR SURE not put that kind of pressure on him bc that is not what our relationship is about. You can fulfill a child's needs without it taking over your life! 

Pregnantwithquestions's picture

Yikes, this thread is interesting! My SK is actually a decently well behaved kid that most would probably find to be a delight, however; I'm only human and still get annoyed with the demands of blended family life. The financial burden is a tough pill to swallow, but that is honestly just the tip of the iceberg. The emotional toll of the constant flux of change (schedules, school activities, altering plans so SK can join in on their weekend) is what has been the hardest thing to accept. What SK doesn't know yet is that we're expecting (again!) and will shortly have another "ours" baby, so the time will be even MORE stretched thin and unable to accomodate SK ( backstory: SK was an only child for a while, and has had some trouble adjusting to a baby in the house)

Rags's picture

Congratulations on the new baby.  I hope that the Skid can adjust.  

Take care of you and your family.