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I can't put a finger on it.....

MissJulsie's picture

For some reason, after a lot of reflection, I've decided that I feel that my stepson has a bad, negative vibe about him. It feels like it's a deeper issue than just jealousy and resentment. It's almost like he has bad energies, or bad spirits that hang around him. I personally haven't seen him for years, and he's been largely phased out of our lives. But whenever he either rings or texts DH, I inexplicably feel a sense of dread. Like I feel that he is fundamentally a threat to my wellbeing. Weird. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Trust your gut. However, if you feel that he's a threat, you need to get help and protect yourself.

Harry's picture

They did not asked to come into this world,  Two people decided to have a child, and then could not stick it out for 18 years to raise it,  Because there happiness out weights there kids life.  So they screw up there kids life so they can be happy.  No kid wants to be going between two homes. Having a SM on one side and a SF on the other. 

Havingwhat they knew growing up a few years change totally.   Then the parents wounded how there kid is so screw up 

Monkeysee's picture

What? My skids absolutely do not have screwed up lives. If anything they have MORE than they would normally because, not only do they have two of everything now, they also receive gifts, love & attention from my family & have opportunities they wouldn’t if I wasn’t a part of their lives.

Kids are only destroyed by divorce when parents coddle them or use them as pawns. My skids are incredibly priviledged children, and if anyone ever told me they felt sorry for them simply because they’re COD’s I’d laugh in their face. There is nothing ‘poor’ or screwed up about my skids, save for the lack of discipline they receive from their mother. But that would be happening regardless as she’s always (non) parented that way.

AlmostGone83's picture

Do you think all bioparents should be forced to stay together until the child turns 18 then? Sacrifice their happiness and keep peace until the child is grown, then they can divorce?

eta: I’m not trying to be sarcastic. I genuinely want to know what your thoughts are on this.

GrabitAndGo's picture

Didn't you get the memo?  18 is some magical when kids suddenly become adults with adult thoughts and capabilities!  Just because the parents are unhappy (and most likely exhibiting their unhappiness and discontent) doesn't mean they shouldn't stay together "for the sake of the children."  Passing on dysfunction should be a family affair.  

 

tog redux's picture

Yep divorce is hard on a kid, and hopefully most people only do it as a last resort.

Funny how you and other divorced people with children are on here being preachy about it, though.  Let me guess, you preachy divorced folks were the victims who never wanted the divorce and it's all the other parent's idea. 

GrabitAndGo's picture

My parents seemed to enjoy torturing each other.  My siblings and I would actually beg them to divorce, but they never did.  Believe me, I'd rather have been from a broken home than living in one.  

Jcksjj's picture

My parents divorced when I was still a kid but old enough to realize everything that was going on leading up to the divorce. An unhappy house is worse than separate peaceful households by far. Theres newer studies that show that kids from divorced households are not any worse off than kids after adjusting for financial factors - so its not the divorce itself but that money tends to be tighter for single parents that makes things harder. 

I mean, a happy household with both parents is ideal yes, but once they initial adjustment to the divorce is over having divorced parents isnt actually THAT different. You can have unhealthy or healthy dynamics in either situation.

Siemprematahari's picture

Better to divorce and leave a shitty @ss marriage than to remain and raise kids to think that "a relationship without love and respect" is the way to go. Most kids are damaged by poor modeled behavior than anything else. Kids are damaged by not being taught healthy boundaries and basic human civility. The lack of discipline and consistency makes it worse.

OP go with your gut your probably on to something, always take care of you.

Rags's picture

While divorce certainly impacts children, their lives are only ruined if one or more of their parents are vindictive morally bankrupt weaklings who do not raise the kids with specific standards of behavior and performance.

Which is not significantly different than children raised in intact families. It is all about stadards of behavior and performance.

Either way.