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Summer Insanity?

Cover1W's picture

That's all I can call it.

DH decided to go on a weeks long trip to do some things, see his family and IMHO to have a bit of a 'mid-life crisis' moment. Granted he's been working on stuff with his therapist (thus majority of time he'll be with his immediate family) but STILL. I could not go due to 1) last minute planning 2) I don't have the funds and 3) I'm in the last two months of my current job so no WAY would they let me go for three weeks in any case!  DH tried to guilt me, tried to gas-light me and outright pressure me into going.  Feck NO.  I CAN'T DH.  So after looooooong discussions (and on big argument) he's going; which I'm fine with based on what is he going to go do make it easier on me since now I have to do ALL around the house?  A) he pays for a yard service b) he pays for a house cleaning.  And C) he pays ME child-minder costs for the 2.5 days YSD13 will be at our home. 

Yes, she's gong to be with me for 2.5 days, alone. I flatly rejected his first version that she be with me for a week. NOPE, not having it.  The 2.5 days I agreed to because there's a festival in our neighborhood and she really wants to be there; she'll be with friends most of the time, and she is aware that I will not be running her around.  DH will be paying me for my time involved; not my responsibility.  YSD's been in good behaviour lately so it makes it better.  She also knows what I will and won't do during those days and she was ok with it.

So see, DHs can pay SMs for thier time if firm boundaries are in place. They may not like it but too bad.

NOW DH also wants to take YSD on a local trip next month, which is fine. I'm not going; this is all for them. Then he mentions SD15 and asking her if she wants to go.  Remember England?  And she hasn't said ONE word, text, email, nothing to him since and he's asking her to go. My mouth almost hit the ground.  I told him what I thought and said that I don't want to hear one more word about it, he knows what my opinion is and that's it.  He's just subjecting himself to more insanity.  I feel bad for him, but STILL! 

Dash 1



Cover1W's picture

Yes I did.

By holding firm and not falling for the "poor me I need to do this trip" or "she likes you" or "my family would never do this" or "she'll only be here for a couple days"....etc., etc. 

Not. My. Responsibility.

Cover1W's picture

DH leaves tomorrow and he had a fit tonight about paying me for taking care of YSD. Some statements from DH:

It's not good for our family

If DHs step parent did that it would crush the kid i.e. the YSD

I'm purely transactional, no emotion or support

Even his therapist was taken aback by it

I don't understand being a COD

...and maybe I'm doing it out of frustration of being a SM .... he nailed it!  DING DING DING responsibility without authority AGAIN!!!!

But when I say YES that's WHY! Does he stop his talking to listen to me? Nope. Does he let me say anything? Nope. He's going away with his time with YSD put on BM and me (last year it was me as I reminded him...with him being able to di what he wants again).

I just said "So I guess what you want to hear is I'll do it out of the goodness of my heart." Well no, that's not right because it's not real. Yeah, because I CANNOT PARENT.

So I'm letting him pack in silence.



Chmmy's picture

Im not trying to one-up you but I got BM to pay me for child care/lost wages to care for her kids this summer. The choice was pay $200/wk or take the kids every other week. We all know she'd pay to not have kids around. Must be nice to come home and spend time with her husband every night without having to deal with kids & activities & dinner & child care arrangements bcuz I do still work part time. I took a 50% pay cut this summer since the kids I nanny are getting old & don't need full time care so it works out