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Following and Unfollowing - Toxic Troll Strikes again!

CLove's picture

I need some advice Steptalkers.

What should I do?

I like and enjoy social media, perhaps a bit too much. I do both Instagram and Facebook, while Dh does mainly Facebook. He has an instagram account, however he doesnt use it at all, really, hasnt even made a single post until yesterday, but Ill get to that in a sec.

I have Toxic Trolls 6 different accounts blocked on Facebook, but not on Instagram. Shes mainly active on Facebook, but has just started doing more on Instagram, apparently. I say apparently because yesterday, Dh mentioned that she had started following him on instagram, and he panicked and told her to "please unfollow me, thats not cool, I dont post much there anyway, Im married now, its not cool." So she said "ok", and did.

We had a mini-instagram session whereby I showed him how to block the Troll, and really wished he had told me first so that I could have him block her without any communication, but there you have it. He even sais "you would have been proud of me, how I just told her no thats not cool dont do that". I am happy sure, but thats not what I need advice about.

What the actual feck? Fathers day I saw a post about what an awesome daddy he is. The next month shes calling him names. so, what is behind all this? I have a  few theories, and asked DH, because he was with her for 20 years so he would know how that diseased and sick mind works better than me.

Theory #1: Shes making a play for my husband. Pickings are slim among the solid stable nice guy with a good job crowd. Shes trolling to see if he is looking to escape from his marriage to me, how could he posibly be happy with me. Stinky thinking, yes.

* Theory #2: Shes snooping, wants to know all about our fabulous life. She gets glimmers from Munchkin SD13, Im sure. She does nothing and goes no where and has no adventures of her own, even steals MY photos of munchkin for her photos. Also, she needs intel to use against him somehow. (most likely!) I think that she is gearing up for another Child Support modification court hearing, because you know, in 9 months the spousal support stops. Its "only" $300, but shes thinking that she could simply up the CS to balance out her income loss and is looking for any info on his income and lifestyle.

Theory #3: Neither of the above. She is trying to "make nice", and be "friendlier" to somehow shovel Feral Forger back to our home because she is tired of the filth, the attitude, the stealing and the lies.

Please let me know what you think. I am not saying anything to DH, but I am just REALLY MAD that this b!tch has to continually violate and cross ALL fecking boundaries possible. So, yesterday I taught DH about instagram blocking and he made his first ever instagram post! It was a funny meme about fishing so of course now he gets irritating insta's!!! lol.

 

Comments

pickles45's picture

I say a combo of 1 and 2 for sure! My SO hates that I post stuff on FB because he is alwasy so freaking scared she will fin dout something and use it against him! I have blocked her though so I dont care. I mena really! Most of my posts on FB are of funny puppy and kitten videos and yes pics of trips we take. Let her see them and see how happy we are! 

CLove's picture

Toxic Trolls shame index is really really low.

So, if she is trolling for my hubby, and DH has repeatedly made comments of "you cannot do that, I am a married man, please stop" and she KEEPS DOING THESE THINGS, should I step in and b!tch slap her somehow...shake things up? Because she obviously feels VERY comfortable overstepping and violating all DH's boundaries.

ALso - her "intel" I am thinking might FUEL her intentions to modify support payments. Our payments are currenly low enough we can manage. And we were just counting the days and months until spousal support ends. When there is a shortfall, I make that up, but we do not have any extra at the end of the month, plus Im anticipating higher monthly house payments too soon.

So upping the CS would REALLY impact us. Our lifestyle is REALLY great right now, but hard won.

futurobrillante99's picture

I think she's bored, plain and simple. What other activity does she have in her life except for being a voyeur into yours and trying to cause chaos between you and your DH?

CLove's picture

I forgot that one. She loves to cause issues between us.

ex a:  When she "ran out of gas", and DH told her I "was upset and didnt like him helping her, and "he is married now she needs some other dude to resue her", I think that gave her major kibbles ie joy sparks...

ex b: when she texted him inappropriately a few years ago, she thought it was funny when I caught it one night, and she said "Im so glad my bf isnt the jealous type lol" when in fact he did grow angry later as she started not coming home at night, etc..

ex c: any time that there would be lies told her by Feral Forger, she would text him things like "how could you be with HER? " etc.
In fact the last time we had exchanges shetexted me the SAME thing,

ex d: our wedding anniversary is july 21, and the day of our wedding ALL day she texted him snotty things...lol lucky us, no cell service all day. So yup shes bored and wants to cause us any trouble possible.

CLove's picture

Should I just release this energy into the universe at large and wait for it to smack her upside the head?

Dovina's picture

Ignore! 

Toxic people live and thrive on a reaction, dont give her any food to feed her dark soul Wink

CLove's picture

She cheated on him and got loads of kibbles from it. So this is just the thing to inject more kibbles into her toxic system. Triangulation. Ive noticed that she has always thrived and fed into triangulation.

CLove is mad! Kibbles!

CLove is upset! Kibbles! Kibbles!

Clove is jealous! More Kibbles!

 

StepUltimate's picture

Free yourself from as much of that nasty beast's toxic insanity as you can! I am so sorry you have that hideous, vampiric creature anywhere near your life. UGH.

tog redux's picture

Ignore the whore. Don't put so much mental energy into figuring her out. DH is with you, she's crazy, enjoy your life and don't let her get to you.

ladybug3's picture

BM in my situation would text DH about how much she loves and misses him, even saying if he took her back she would love him unconditionally. The NEXT DAY she texted him some nasty stuff because she thought SS hadn't had a nap while he was with us. The day after that, she was back to the loving texts. She's had screaming fits at DH in parking lots before, and then a few minutes later invited him to hang out with her and her friends. I think most of the time if these women are behaving irrationally, it's probably because they're irrational. I used to try to figure BM out but I stopped real quick. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Try to focus less on TT and more on "training" you H. He needs better tools for handling her and FF.

I also think it's wise of you to think ahead regarding the end of alimony. These men just seem to la la la take things day by day when they should be looking ahead and preparing for obstacles. And it's not like they don't know these crazy exes and how they roll, right? Start planting seeds with him now, so he'll be ready.

CLove's picture

saying, dont use me as your reasons - you dont NEED reasons or excuses. Just say NO.

I think he gets emotional and its a knee jerk reaction. She knows how to push his buttons, and they have a history of button pushing spanning 20 years. Now 25, because of kiddo links.

He needs to somewhere gain the tools to block her button-pushing and his reactions to it. I myself do not have those tools.

Ive been "planting lots of seeds", at least once a week (or whatever I can get away with.) He is pretty laid back about it, and his attitude is "we will deal with it when it happens." Meanwhile I am plotting and planning. Tallying up the potential lawyer consults...

At least we were able to block the social media stuff.

Missingme's picture

Uh, I don't get why your husband just doesn't tell her stop immediately!  If he's believable (really wants her to), she will.  That's all.  Don't play the game.  Tell him to make himself believable, or else.  

CLove's picture

He texted her, "unfollow me now please" and she did.

But there is always something else the next time. Thats I suppose why I want to get to the bottom of the WHYS and the motivations, and then I can figure out a blocking strategy.

There are just so many ways she violates boundaries.

Evil3's picture

My SKs' BM is the same. She's a narc, so she must insert herself into everything and make sure she's not forgotten. Your DH made the mistake of responding and that's enough communication to encourage the BM even though your DH said to unfollow him.

I had a dear friend who told me, "stop trying to make sense out of something or someone who doesn't make sense." That really resonated with me and I never forgot it. I know it's hard because you're trying to anticipate the "next one," but try to free yourself of that burden. It'll be a marathon and not a sprint. It'll be a while of your DH making no contact whasoever before the BM finally stops her bullshit.

Well This Isn't Fun's picture

Trying to figure out what someone else is thinking or their motives will only make you crazy and drag you into their world far more than you want. 

Remove any unknown followers, block any accounts you know are hers, and make your accounts private.

momjeans's picture

It’s likely a combination of all of the above.

Your DH verbally engages way too much with BM. No asking. No explaining — just block her.

Do you have Toxic Troll blocked on all social media platforms? If not, you should. I’d probably block munchkin, or at the very least go “private” and not allow her to follow you until she’s a little older, because HELL NO would Toxic Troll have a glimpse at ANY of my social media via her child, because that’s creepy AF.

Cooooookies's picture

Maybe, like the BM2 I deal with, she thinks it's on the down low?  That's def what BM2 thought when I spilled the facts to her a few months ago.  She truly thought she was No. 1 and DH was covering for her and keeping secrets from me.  Since my messages, she hasn't sent one inappropriate message.  Zip.  Nada.  Nothin.

I sent her about three paragraphs and listed everything I knew.  From a month ago (from when I sent this) to 7.5 years ago when I moved here. It was neutral, non-accusatory, plain English facts.  Then just said stop playing games.  I understand you and DH have SS, so parent him, fill ya boots.  I don't care about the past you two used to share just stop meddling in our present and we'll all be good.

Of course, we're not, because ya know it's ALL MY FAULT.  Of course, since these GUBM's are never wrong.  *eyeroll*  However, it has stopped the b.s. completely.  Sometimes when the games aren't secret anymore, they high tail it like the little two-faced, two-timing cowards that they are.

Worth a shot.  Plus, it feels realllllllly good to let them know that you know.  Smile

EDIT:  for the record, DH and I ignored her for 8-9 years and it did NOT work!!

CLove's picture

Boundaries? What boundaries?

CLove's picture

I think that shes just a game player thinking that she is on the downlow - that is how she has been with him...why stop now. LOL>

Yes - I am quite the catch!

Shes - meh.