Stressedstepparent17's picture

So my beloved OH that I've been so full of love for recently.. not.. has been sacked today from his job. Brilliant. And guess what the first bloody thought on his mind was.. HIS F'ING DAUGHTER!!! 

How on earth does he expect to have her here more days, feed her, treat her, buy her presents when he has no F'ING JOB!!! 

I said I'm sorry but the last thing I need to hear about right now is your f'ing pangs of need and want for a cuddle off your princess and how the f were supposed to pay bills this month?! 

He's OBSESSED! and God forbid I'm brutally honest with him. It's not like she's lives with us and he needs to worry, shes being looked after by her mum so will be taken care of. I get that he wants to see her and we can still have her over for the time she's supposed to but other than that he needs to take a step back and get his responsable head on and try find work. Try save money. Try doing everything he bloody well can instead of only thinking about his daughter. It's like I'm invisible. He's not bothered how I feel about him losing his job. How I feel knowing I have to support us all on our own now. I'm drained. 


ESMOD's picture

I'm sorry about the added stress.

Again though.. do you want to be with an unemployed disney dad (well to one kid).. and absentee father (other kid) who will never have a child with you?

Doesn't sound too appetizing does it?

Siemprematahari's picture

I can imagine your frustation and you can tell your H that you have listened to his concerns but right now he has to focus his energy on finding a job and stop with the pity party of not being able to buy his daughter presents. If the bills are not paid he won't have a home to have her visit so he needs to get it together and start looking for work.

Stressedstepparent17's picture

You're both exactly right and honestly it's so nice to hear someone agreeing with me! I've said this to him about the bills and roof over her head etc but he just gets defensive. I'm literally not allowed to say a word about his parenting. Even though he wants me involved in her life. 

I just want to be happy. I love him and want to be happy with him and whoever else comes along with him but he's making it so difficult for me. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

HIm needing to be financially responsible for HIS child is not saying anything about his parenting. I hope he doesn't expect you to pick up his slack. 

ntm's picture

Finding a job is a full time job. This isn’t vacation time. Really you need your own place so he understands fully what is required of him to support himself and his children. Don’t you support his a$$. Maybe living separately will clear your head too, as to how much you need this guy and his drama in your life. 

ndc's picture

This would be an ideal time to leave (for you, not him).  This relationship is not going to work.  His parenting is pathetic and he won't give you the child you want.  Don't pick up his financial and parenting slack.  You'll regret wasting your time and resources once this relationship runs its course - which it will, because you are not really compatible in a few areas where it really matters.  Cut your losses.

ESMOD's picture

because you are not really compatible in a few areas where it really matters.  Cut your losses.

^^This^^ is the essence of your situation distilled into one pristine drop of truth.

You want kids.  He won't be able to do that.. and even in the off chance he could get a reversal... the fact is that he is not a great father.  he has one kid he doesn't even see?  that would be a problem for me.. if I wanted to have kids with someone... not a good sign.

Don't waste any more of your time with someone who can't meet your needs.  Don't let 5 years of fertility pass you by.  find a partner without the toxic baggage to build a family with.


bananaseedo's picture

You two aren't married, right?  I find this one issue a big 'deal breaker'- as in one wants kid one doesn't...should you want this in your life you find a partner that can give that to you.

Thumper's picture


Why are you willing to overlook the fact that YOU want a child and he does NOT. '

Dating someone, I know your living with him...but since your not married I will go with dating. Dating a man is when YOU make the time and take the time to get to know them. What is his family like/ What his parents like? Is he a hard worker or does he expect other people to support him? Can he keep a job? What is his criminal history---have you even checked that out? IS he a good dad..loving, caring? Does he drive his kid around drunk? or after smoking crack?

what are his hobbies, his best features and those not so good. What is his religious belief? Does he practice those belief's?

Does HE want kids...?  HE does not want kids but you do.

He may be a nice guy---but either you are going to forget about having kids OR you will become pregnant OR he already has had surgery to prevent other kids. So,,,,which is it.


DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Only you can decide what to do. However, as you aren’t married I don’t see anything wrong with having a bank account ONLY YOU KNOW ABOUT. Also, you may want to consider an exit strategy (you don’t have to use it, it’s for your piece of mind).      

Bex_S's picture

Always seems to be the way doesn't it? No matter what happens, their fucking precious spawns come before everyone else. My DH even without realising it has put his brat daughter before me and our children. We've always had to plan our lives around and make sacrifices for that demon and her piece of shit mother.

bananaseedo's picture

The way he is obessesed is odd and emotionally incestuos.  You will have the mini-wife dynamic and no kids of your own.  Not the relationship for you.

In addition, I guarantee should some miracle happen and he gets a reversal and agrees to a child, the way he already plays favorites (and ignores his other kid exists) tells me he would always put SD over your kid together. Your kid would only have you in every way (financial, emotional, etc).  If that's the case, preferable to have a sperm donor baby and not deal w/his lunacy and mini-wife for damn sure.

CLove's picture

Firstly - he has NOT GOT A JOB, but he is spending YOUR money? On princess snow flake? Put the brakes on that immediately.

Obsessed was the word you have used and if that is the truth, then that can be construed as "emotional incest". Look it up, you might find that it is true of this situation. You will need to have a very difficult but very en pointe conversation with this man about his spending your money, not having a job, and de-prioritizig you,

And I was all bent because my DH spent $50 on himself, $50 on munchkin and $15 on me. I dont feel so bad now, because I have PLENTY, and DH has a great job.

Im sorry you are having this added stress - it totally sucks!