6 years and still supposed to let it unfold
Hi. New here. Been with FH 6 years, living together for 3, recently engaged.
There are 3 skids in their late 20s. There had been some drama with the oldest girl, but generally they are all pleasant toward me. Eye contact and conversation with the boy are minimal. Youngest daughter, also recently engaged, is trying the hardest to be inclusive, even though she was the one that told me a few years back that if her dad and I aren’t married, I just am not family in her eyes.
I don’t have kids of my own, but a lot of kids in my life from babies to nearly 30 years old. There are a handful who call me “Aunt” even though I am not technically their aunt. Lots of love to go around and feed my soul.
I have all the usual issues with my FH and skids - like feeling like an outsider, wanting to establish a relationship where there is no interest. I have tried to disengage, to be patient, to let it go and see where life takes us, to be inclusive, to let the skids have 1:1 time with their dad. In all honesty, I struggle with the fact that these skids just don’t really give a darn about me. I am family oriented, used to being accepted, if not loved, by people who come into my life (sounds a bit arrogant, but it’s true... I am pretty likeable, adaptable, agreeable but not a doormat). I am not what they consider “fun.” I get that. I am more the type to sit back and observe rather than get into a hot debate. I also, don’t have a history with them and when everyone is together they act like 10 year olds and If I don’t get the inside jokes then how can I jump into the conversation?
Not sure what I want here from the forum. Maybe just a place to vent so that I stop arguing about these matters with my FH. Our latest rif was around Father’s Day. His kids don’t plan anything til last min and although he tries, he isn’t good about communicating plans in the works. So, they are coming to take him out for a Sunday Funday” and clearly want to have him to themselves. Not knowing this, I invited all, including FH, FIL, my dad, etc to come over. Complete and utter failure. Invite was ignored by SIL, MIL and when DD finally responded it was,”Dad must have forgotten that we made plans.”
Dad takes all the blame and skids can do no wrong in his eyes. He will try harder to communicate better. I give him credit for this, but after 6 years... ugh! How long am I supposed to be patient, let things unfold? Every sign tells me it will never change. At this age, I no longer have unlimited patience!