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Should I say something to BM?

ksmom14's picture

So if you read my last blog, DH and I sold SS17 my old car and BM tried to tell him that we asked for too much money, and that we're trying to cheat and scam him out of money because of some water damage he caused a while back.

So last night DH and I talked to SS17, pulled up the Kelley Blue Book site, showed him the trade in value vs. the private party sale value, explained to him the difference and talked about the price we sold it to him. We wanted to make sure he felt good about the purchase. 

Then SS17 mentioned that the paint on the car was peeling off, which shocked me because I have never seen that anywhere on the car. SS17 said that BM had sent him a picture of it. So apparantly when BM came to pick up skids for her weekend visitation, she got out of her car and started taking pictures of the car we sold SS17 (which technically is still my car until SS17 pays it off in 6 months!). I was already pissed that she's trying to talk crap about us, and now I'm even more pissed that shes coming on my property and taking pictures!

We had SS17 take us out and show us the area where BM thought paint was peeling, I rubbed it with my finger and sure enough, no paint peeling, it's just fracking dirt!!!! 

DH said he's not going to say anything to BM because it's just going to cause a fight and nothing will come of it. Which I understand, but I feel like she needs to be called out on her BS. I'm thinking of sending her a message myself, which I basically never do. If I do say something I want it to come across firm, but not rude or mean in case she tries to show the skids and use it against me.

What do y'all think....should I call her out or just leave it alone....and what should I say?!


tog redux's picture

No, no. Do not message BM.  That's just the kind of drama she's trying to start.  

Let it go. 

DPW's picture

Why dance with the devil? You and DH did a good job explaining it all to SS and that's who counts. Screw BM. I'd ignore her going forward. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she's relevant. DO NOT send her a message. It will change nothing at the end of the day.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture


I have a lot of contact with BM but when it comes to anything that may create conflict it’s not my place. If you have an issue you need to work that out with your partner.

By no means do I agree with her behavior but you don’t poke the bear.

ESMOD's picture

No.. don't message her.  Let your SS report on back to her that "she was wrong".  He will tell her ya know.

Also,  At this point, SS has a couple of times tried to come back at yall about the car by quoting BM.

I might tell him.  "SS, you know, we are trying to do you a favor by selling you this used car that is in good condition at a fair price.. If you don't feel you are getting a good deal, or want a different car, we will be happy to refund your money (less mileage driven) and we will go ahead and sell it ourselves to a 3rd party.. is that what you want?  No?  Ok.. then we don't need to hear a running commentary of what your mother thinks about this car.  It's your car right?  Ok.. either you like it or you don't.  But, it's not up to her"

Gimlet's picture

Dont wrestle with that pig.  You'll just get dirty and the pig likes it.

SS knows the truth and that is all you can do.  If you start drama with her, she is going to beat you with experience, although I understand how tempting that can be.

Also, what ESMOD said above.  

Sparkl3s's picture

If you have a carmax take the car there and get it evaluated if what they would give you is less than what he paid I would refund him the difference just so BM can shut up. You can also explain to him how much the same car would cost him if he had to finance it. I also assume he hasn’t had to insure it himself or tag it yet, so he doesn’t realize how much monentry aid you are providing. 

She sounds like a peach. 

ESMOD's picture

The thing is that carmax offers are based on blue book trade in values.. not private party or retail values (the value of a car that a consumer buys from a seller).  OP's alternative would likely not have been to trade in the car to carmax.. but to list it for sale to a private party.. and that is the more reasonable number.  Of course, they could look at the low end pp value and set it there.. vs in the middle.

Sparkl3s's picture

They were pretty close to private sale value for us, definitely more than a dealership would give you in-trade in. It’s worth a shot

hereiam's picture

I would not waste my energy on BM, just have the satisfaction that you were able to show SS that she is full of shit. Let HIM deal with BM trying to cause issues between you and DH and him, because that is what she's doing, and I hope he sees it. I mean, sneaking aroung taking pictures to point something out to him (that wasn't even true)? She looks like a loon.

If she was truly concerned about him getting ripped off by his own father, she would have gone about it differently.

Aunt Agatha's picture

I’d be more likely to have your lawyer send a letter to stay the frack off my property!  

Otherwise, who cares what she thinks?  You’ve already shown your SS she’s full of lies.

But her coming on my property would lead me take action.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'd put this back on SS17.

"SS, based on the information wr have shown you, do YOU feel you got a good deal on the car? Would you like to go window shopping to look at other vehicles in your price range and see if you can find one you like better? If you find one, we'll refund you the money you have paid so you can get a car elsewhere."

SS needs to realize that the car he buys is HIS choice. Give him an out to prove BM right or wrong. BUT, if he doesn't take you all up on the offer to go window shop for cars (and you all could do it as a learning experience, showing him what to look for in a car and how to hopefully avoid a lemon), then tell him to knock it off about the car he ia buying from you all. You gave him a price, you gave him a chance to look for other cars and get his money back, and you gave him the chance to challenge whether he got a good deal from you. If he doesn't take those opportunities, that's on him.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

SS is nearly an adult, so continue on the course of dealing with him alone. BM is losing control and stirring the pot in an effort to stay relevant. She's being a basic bi!ch, so ignoring her is the way to go.

That said, a security camera for the driveway might be a solid investment. No fuss, no drama, just a set of eyes on the vehicle.

MommyT's picture

No! Don’t let her know that you are bothered by her stupidity and it is not your job to communicate with BM. The only time I contact her is if ss is with me and something bad happens like he is sick or something. Who the hell cares what BM thinks or does? Ss17 made the deal with you so that’s what you need to focus on. 

somethingwicked's picture

No.Do not message or speak in any way with this HCBM.

I would refund the skid any money he put towards the purchase of the car and then advertise it on line etc and  sell it to anyone else. Remove this item ,the car, that BM has targeted as another tool to cause rancor in your marriage and influence  SS against the father or you   .

And please buy your DH a pair of testicles because he ALWAYS takes the easy road and avoids  even a whiff of conflict with his EX wife.She must have his  original pair in her purse. This is always going to be the root cause of your issues in the triangle relationship you endure..


ksmom14's picture

Ughhh why do y'all have to be so logical! lol I want so badly to tell her off, but you're right, no good will come of it!

I wish I could keep her off my property but it's not very realistic. She does 100% of the transport, we live on a narrow road and parking on the street isn't really an option. We have a long driveway  that she pulls into. Never had any issues with her getting out of the car before, but I guess there's a first for everything!

SS17 was very good about the whole thing, he was not accusatory or rude. I think he was just kind of talking it out trying to make sense of it. I did ask him if he felt comfortable with the price after showing him the KBB value and he said he did. I think he does trust us, BM just made him question it for a moment and he did a sanity check.

notsobad's picture

What might help is to write out everything you want to say to BM. Just fill that page up with all the crap that's built up inside you and let it flow out onto the paper.

Then burn it!

I've done this exercise a few times in my life and it's helped immensely. There's something about getting it all out on paper that frees it from your head and it lets you move on.

Harry's picture

Sell it to sineone else.  Let BM and SS figure it out.  Put our foot out then the other, keep repeating