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MommaLlama13's picture

Hi everyone!

I'm soooooo glad it's Friday, not only because it's the end of the week, but also because BM decided to see her kids this weekend!! It just so happens to coincide with the weekend that my DD is going to her father's house too. I'll miss her dearly, but I'm looking forward to a break from SD7, so so much. If you've read my other post, I have a DD(6), SS(6), and SD(7). SD7 is a nightmare on a good day. I feel bad for her, because her mother has never been reliable or 'there', but the bathroom habits! OMG the bathroom habits! She is a highly intelligent 7 year old - in the words of her therapist "she's a genius, very advanced for her age". I couldn't agree more - super smart, but she knows it and uses it to manipulate the situation. Let's be real here, we have two 6 year olds and a 7 year old. We shouldn't have to worry about accidents on the norm. But wait! SD7 decided that she doesn't want to use the toilet, and if she does, she won't wipe! We've tried everything from reward charts, therapy, punishment, behavior charts, etc...and it's only getting worse!! She's also gotten a clean bill of health from the pedatrician, but it's only getting worse! For example:

 My DH left for work around 5am this morning. So it's my responsibility to get the kids off to school. SD7 decided to sh*t herself 4 times! 4 times before we left the house!! Before you ask, no she's not sick. She just refuses to finish going. So she will tell me she did, get cleaned up, and before I know it, she soiled herself again. She doesn't care either - she would go to school smelling and covered in poo, without a care in the world. I've had it! No matter what I do, I'm the bad guy. Her brother(6) asks her why she's so mean to me. I know she is starving for attention from her mom, and unfortunately I'm the punching bag, but with working full time and three young kids, I'm exhausted.

Please tell me, that this is just a phase and she should outgrow it soon! Her therapist just keeps saying it takes time, and I get that, but it's been months and it's only getting worse!! 


MommaLlama13's picture

I know! We have her in therapy, (this is the 4th therapist too) and nothing gets through to her Sad

SteppedOut's picture

I would have an extremely difficult time being left in charge of a 7yr old that purposefully crapped themselves repeatedly. In fact, I would NOT be left to manage a child like that.

If the child is a genius and knows better... any consequences for the shitty behavior? Time to start making it "not worth it". 

MommaLlama13's picture

The issue is her bio parents, for sure. I love my DH but he's not consistant with his expectations for her. He feels as though he's tried everything to get through to her. He's done a lot, but as a parent, can you just throw your hands up and say "oh well, i tried"? I've repeatedly been the rule enforcer with SD7. She hates me, and honestly, I don't care anymore. If I had to describe my SD7, I would say she is dead inside. Literally nothing gets through to her / bothers her, unless it's her mom. We've tried talking to BM and she says "well she's not having the issues with me" or "that doesn't sound like her at all". Realistically, she's around one weekend a month, two if we're lucky. If the kids are sick, she bails, if she has work, she bails, if she wants to go out, she bails, etc. Somehow,  it ends up being my fault. DH stands up for me and explains stuff to SD7, but BM negates it and also blames me. 

So I'm at a standstill. I feel like I've done more than my fair share as a SM, and would love nothing more than to disengage. The issue is that we have her ALL the time and DH has to work. He doesn't get paid time off, and his work hours are sparatic (union worker). I get stuck with i'd say 70% of the parenting of his children, give or take. He steps in as soon as he's home, but when he's not, I don't really have a choice. I had to start making "date nights" with my BD6, just so we could go do something fun without having the stress of SD7. It's helped, but unfortuantely, it's not enough time away from her.

simifan's picture

This is DH's problem. He needs to be home to handle it. No way I would take that on. When he's the one missing work and being inconvienced - i'm sure he'll do something to change this behavior.