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Wonder if she figured it out?

VNichol's picture

Well once Methmom went to jail and has been calling @6xs a day. Her letters have flooded in to her son. Not much content there oh did I mention SS5 can't read sentences yet!!!!! I don't want him to learn how to read by reading his mommy's snail mail from JAIL!!!!! SS still don't know where she is, we don't think it's appropriate to tell him.  

The letters to my BF are so disrespectful I would bitch slap her if she were in front of me just out of pure principal. YOU ARE DIVORCED!!!! She has yet to realize that she is DIVORCED in her head. I know she still had love for him and I'm OK with that. They were married, have a child together and they were in love at some point. I do have a BIG problem when she is actively begging for him to take her back. She writes and expresses her love for him ( my Man) and trys to plead her case to him. I was soooo pissed and yes my feelings were hurt by reading it. I know I shouldn't have read it and gotten all riled up but I want to know what she is scheme on. I talked to BF and told him how I felt about it all. So he said he has thought about blocking the callls before I said anything but he didn't want to be able to unblock the number so she could call and talk to their son. Which I get but SS don't know where she is. She will soon know that she has little to no support from her Meth friends or own family. She thought BD would be there for her but NOPE, he wants nothing to do with it! 

So she is blocked and her letters thrown in the garbage from him. Wonder if she got he hint? Leave us alone. The only Man she needs to be concerned with is this 5 year old that needs her. While she was out of jail she NEVER called to speak to her son or check on him. Why now? She keeps making promises and says that she will do so much with him. Why now? She should have done Everything she promises BEFORE she went to jail. Especially because she knew that she was going to do some time. Now she is all alone she has nothing to do but bug my BF and live in a fantasy world in her head about having her family back. She never lost her family, they been right here all along. She choose not to be around, she choose drugs and a drug dealer BF  over her son. I have never kept her from being able to come around or NOT see her kid. I made sure he took SS to spend time with her. Her own choice to be absent in her kids life. 

I don't think she realizes that I have the final say so in this house. Over time she will realize that she fucked up by making me her enemy. 



elkclan's picture

The best thing that could happen for your SS is to have a clean mom who is involved in his life. The best thing that could happen for you is a clean mom for SS who actually takes him out of the house sometimes! 

Chances are this will never happen and his BM will spend more time in jail or die - but this won't happen quickly enough (most likely) for you to get a clean break of her out of your life.

Your anger with this woman isn't serving you, it upsets you and she doesn't know how angry you are - the truth is you probably barely figure in her thinking at all. Rather than being upset and angry, it's time practice empathy and boundaries. Her getting clean is best aided by giving her a chance to communicate with her son (appropriately). You and your BF set the boundaries of what is appropriate - but you have to tell her because meth-head isn't going to have a clue about what's appropriate because junkies only think about themselves. No more 6x a day calls. One call once a week to kid (who you do have to tell about the prison time) and any more than that and she loses a week. I have no idea how prison phone calls work, so you may need to be flexible about when that is, but other than that - boundaries. 

As for the pleading love letters... let her know that you are on the scene and you are there taking care of her child because she was too doped to do it herself. Let her know how incredibly disrespectful that is to the people who are taking care of her son and let her know they go straight in the bin. 

I do know that this is easier said than done. The BM in my life is personality disorded so she understands no boundaries - but shes not a druggie and actually stays on top of things* better than I do.


*other than being employed. But I guarantee if she wanted to be she would. 

tog redux's picture

Boundaries are key, but DH needs to set them, not you. He can tell her to stop the phone calls and letters, and as elkclan said, give her one or two weekly phone calls at times that HE sets. The block her and toss the letters unopened, if the jail can’t stop them. 

He needs to take charge of this for your well-being and his son’s. You marking your territory isn’t the solution, him taking charge of his baggage is. If YOU do it, then she doesn’t hear from HIM that they are over. 

notarelative's picture

Calls from the jail here are collect. He can just say no when they ask if he will accept the charges. Or screen the calls. Just don't answer.

SS is young. Prison is a difficult concept for a young child. I know someone who explained prison as adult time out. When you are an adult timeouts are very long. 

still learning's picture

Depending on the issue even an incarcerated parent has a right to contact with their children.  If a judge has not barred contact between BM and her son it should be allowed within limits.  If BF thinks it's harmful to the child to have any contact with his mother then he needs to get an emergency court order. If you are blocking her from talking to her son and throwing away her letters to him then your BF could be in contempt.  I'd advise you to stay out of it because it will come back to bite you.