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Tired of being held responsible with no authority

Chmmy's picture

 

Edit:  From the comments, I'm not sure people are seeing this is a metaphor. Tim is not a real person, he is a metaphor for my husband's shitty parenting and the person being shit on is me or step mothers in general. This is a message I sent to my DH today:

 

Just imagine being at work and being held responsible for the employees, yet not being able to say anything negative to them and if you do you get excuses thrown at you or you get Tim mad at you for not liking the employees enough or not showing them enough love.  So you try to do your own thing and get your own work done yet still want to make yourself available to support the younger employees and Tim as well who is overwhelmed by other jobs and too many employees because you love Tim and you want him to be happy & healthy. By the way never suggest that maybe Tim should not have hired so many employees with the same idiot because that idiot is little to no help but Tim loves all of his employees and regrets nothing and that's ok. You should never resent or regret your employees but its ok to resent or regret where they came from.

He hired them and now he is responsible for them.

So you try to disengage from the employees but Tim keeps getting mad at you. You kinda feel damned if I do, damned if I don't...so you don't because why do if you are damned anyways, right?  Nothing you do is right in the long run.  Even if things are ok today, you never know what tomorrow will bring.  And the employees can do no wrong.  Even if they are wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and get written up by Tim for these wrongs, do one thing right and they have a perfect record again. Rip up the write up and make out a hurt feelings report and apologize to the employees for any hurt feelings. The employees have rules set by you and Tim but they usually only have to follow them for a day or 2 until they get forgotten about by Tim and you just have to watch them do whatever the fuck they want...all the while constantly demanding things they feel entitled to because Tim feels guilty that he hasn't been a good enough boss so tries to buy their love but you cant buy respect.

At times Tim agrees with you, either because he sees you are right or because he wants to shut you up. He wants what is best for the employees as well as the company, hes just not sure how to do it. So you help him but then the employees start resenting you, calling you names, talking about you behind your back and that makes for a hostile work environment, so you avoid going to the job site and find productive things to do elsewhere but then you get accused of slacking on the job...maybe even having another job. I mean does Tim actually think you'd ever want another boss and if you did think you'd want to quit your job, you'd at least put in your 2 weeks notice before you would work anywhere else. 

So with tim's support you guys try to turn these employees into decent and productive human beings but if you try to enforce any disciplinary action Tim does not help you follow through and has even undermined your authority in front of the employees.  I get it Tim is busy but you would think hed prioritize the most important things in life.

Tim does apologize often for the hurt that this job causes you but sorry dont cut it, reform is the only redemption.

The hardest part of all of this is you love Tim and want him to be happy and you're afraid that all of this conflict will lead to you losing your job.  You are just trying to do a good job but all of the resentment building up between you and Tim may lead to you losing your best friend.  Someone you thought you would work with forever.

Just imagine being at work and being held responsible for the employees, yet not being able to say anything...welcome to steplife.

Comments

Cover1W's picture

I actually have that kind of a situation with one "golden child" employee.  I want to set down some stricter work hours for her (she routinely works overtime and doesn't need to) but my manager and the director love her (hey, they are getting free work, right?) and don't support my decision.  BUT in every meeting with my manager it's brought up that she's working so much...yeah, and I  keep telling her but telling her doesn't work, what do you suggest.  Well, that would be letting her crash and burn out.  Seriously.  I mean, let's HELP her learn but no, it's all about her learning her own lessons, which I support, but I'd rather prevent a forest fire by putting out the camp fire first for g*ds sake,

Chmmy's picture

In case you didnt see the edit. Tim is not a real person. This is a metaphor for step parenting

MurphysLaw's picture

LOL

 

thinkthrice's picture

100 percent responsibility 0 percent authority

Harry's picture

What the worst thing that can be done you get FIRED. ?  You can not live this way, something has to change 

Chmmy's picture

I think I just got fired. DH just hung up on me cuz I said if he's too dumb to realize that he undermines my authority then we have nothing to talk about and he said he wont talk to me if I call him dumb and hung up. Called back in less than a minute and I rejected the call. Not going home tonight. Im so sad as I so love getting up at 430 to make his lunch and then getting his brats off to school.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I am sorry he doesn't get it. We get it. We do. We have all been there and it's frustrating as hell

Mrs Fireball's picture

If you don't want to make his lunch and get the kids off to school, then stop doing it! 

Let DH take care of it. He's a big boy.

iamlosingit's picture

I very much enjoyed the metaphor.  Maybe if Steps used this when talking to family, they wouldn't jump on the "you knew what you were getting into when you met him/poor skids" thing and actually offer constructive advice!

strugglingSM's picture

I think I have the same job as you! 

Lol

Chmmy's picture

Well i quit this morning. Told "tim" to pls have someone else wake the kids for school.

I still got up at 430 with DH cuz he is pretty sick, nasty cough all night sounds like it hurts. I made his lunch and made SS10 a sandwich since he doesnt like the school lunch on Friday.

I left a note saying SS10 there is a sandwich in the fridge for you <3.  I intentionally put a heart on the note cuz Im not mad at the kids, Im sick of DH. I went back to bed til 830...yes 830!

Went downstairs and saw my note with a thank you <3. So he noticed the little heart and I drew. Im always nice to the kids but I fake it. It's not genuine affection like my own kids. Ive been in teaching and childcare for over 20yrs. Ive had to fake it with lots of kids I didnt particularly like but fake at work...we all are. Fake customer service, fake we like our boss or co-worker that we dont but in my own home, it's very difficult to live a fake life.

MurphysLaw's picture

You’re not “faking it” or a fake person.

You are a truly good person, you do the right thing even when you don’t want to. That’s a good person. You deserve to get the same treatment back!

Chmmy's picture

Well i quit this morning. Told "tim" to pls have someone else wake the kids for school.

I still got up at 430 with DH cuz he is pretty sick, nasty cough all night sounds like it hurts. I made his lunch and made SS10 a sandwich since he doesnt like the school lunch on Friday.

I left a note saying SS10 there is a sandwich in the fridge for you <3.  I intentionally put a heart on the note cuz Im not mad at the kids, Im sick of DH. I went back to bed til 830...yes 830!

Went downstairs and saw my note with a thank you <3. So he noticed the little heart and I drew. Im always nice to the kids but I fake it. It's not genuine affection like my own kids. Ive been in teaching and childcare for over 20yrs. Ive had to fake it with lots of kids I didnt particularly like but fake at work...we all are. Fake customer service, fake we like our boss or co-worker that we dont but in my own home, it's very difficult to live a fake life.

notsobad's picture

I actually had a job similar to that in real life!

A manager was supposed to create POs for any work he would order. He refused to do it. My boss forbade me to pay an invoice without a PO. So companies didn't get paid. They told the manager that they wouldn't be back unless they got paid. The manager went to the big boss, the big boss called my boss and reamed her out. She called me and reamed me out. Sh*t flows downhill!

I stood up for myself and marched into the big boss's office with my boss and the manager and asked him exactly what I was supposed to do. Should I pay invoices with no PO or not. Straight up, tell me exactly how you want me to do my job and I'll do it.

Oh my, the sh*t storm that ensued! There were meetings and plans and fights galore. In the end, I had to sit down with said manager once a week and together we would write his POs. I left that job not long after that.

notsobad's picture

It was painful but I learned early on to disengage and to get everything in writing. I ended up driving them crazy because they'd say one thing, mean another and expect yet another thing. I kept going back to my job descriptions and emails and saying I'm only doing what I've been told to do.

In fact, that's probably why my relationship with DH and the skids has been as good as it has been. I set boundaries early on and have stuck to them.