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Is BM/BD allowed in your house?

caitlinj's picture

If you're not there?

Jcksjj's picture

Same. In DHs words she can wait on the porch like a dog. Thank God that's how he felt before I even came into the picture so that battle never had to be fought.

Wilhelm's picture

When my youngest SD was about 9 she asked me if her mum could come in and see a train set I had given her, I cringed and said yes knowing the whole time she would be looking around the house and making an inventory of items in the house.

Best avoided if possible.

then I have a cousin whose ex let her have his house with the kids every second week while he moved out so the kids would have continuity. I suppose it depends how well you get along.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

BM is never going to step foot in my house, whether I am there or not.  My DH hates her even more than i do so he would never invite her in.  I woke up to her in my living room one time (SD let her in). It was made clear if that ever happened again that I would be calling the police.

Now my exH is a different story.  I have been i  his house and he has been in our house.  We don't hang out or anything, but he and his wife have come over for one of the kid's birthday dinners.  The difference is that he is reasonable and we are able to get along.  Also, he would never go into my house without an invitation from me or DH.  And I would never go into his house if he wasn't there.  That is just common courtesy.

shamds's picture

their mum banned them from coming to our home so only ss20 stays home when on university breaks.

if i ever saw exwife in my home it would be because ss20 let her in. Hubby personally never would and since i am the primary carer of this house doing chores, i’d call the cops. Then i’d tell hubby what happened. He’d have a major mouthful to his son because home is our safe house

bio mum mid last yr, 6 yrs after kidnapping her daughters from hubby decided she had an epiphany to be a changed person and make amends and decided to invite hubby to her home with ss so she could cook for them... yeah she never cooked in the 14 yrs plus they were married. I asked hubby if he wanted to go and it was a “HELL NO”, so i told him it was his right to not go there. It was weird she wanted hubby to be there in her new husband of 11 yrs home- talk about friggin awkward. Hubby is married and loves my cooking and when you’ve been told by your daughters bio mum went to witch doctors for black magic witchcraft medical assistance, trust me last thing on your mind is wanting to enter her home yet alone eat something she supposedly cooked that could be laced with something... yeah exwife is bat shit crazy and she will not enter our home ever. If ss invited her over they’d both be escorted out and hubby would be told why... i know ss he wouldn’t ask hubbys permission to invite his mum over, he thinks he doesn’t need to ever

tog redux's picture

If BM came into my house, she’d be leaving in handcuffs. 

There is no need for that, IMO. Boundaries are important. If she was sane, and we all got along, maybe. 

tankh21's picture

HELL NO!! BM isn't even allowed at my house whether DH and me and there or not. There has been some incidents that happened where I finally put my foot down and told DH that she isn't allowed to come to our house at all that he needs to meet her somewhere if she ever has to pick up the skids.

justmakingthebest's picture

Thankfully this has never been an issue for us since BM lives 1300 miles away. However, my kids dad is allowed in our house. We are always welcomed into his and his wife's house too. We don't make a habit of it and we really just hang in entry ways when we do go in, but it isn't an issue. 

I don't believe that my exH has ever gone into my house without me there, but they (used to) live 3+ hrs away. If he had to use the restroom or something after picking my kids up from school, I wouldn't have an issue with that. I have never gone into their home without them there... It is just a mutual respect of private boundaries thing for both our family's. 

ALSO- The most important part of this is, my DH is fine with it. My ex's wife is fine with it. We all co-parent and communicate well between the 4 of us. 

IF bm lived anywhere near us I would have DH meet her at a neutral location. She is a horrible human being and I don't want her toxicity in my home. I am 100% sure that DH would agree with me on that. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I know it's probably irrelevant seeing as I'm not in a step situation any longer, but I like BM. I consider her a friend and she's welcome in my house anytime. Before the divorce, I wouldn't have minded her in our house except XH2 wouldn't have been able to handle it. LOL I think he's riddled with guilt for the way he treated her (as he should be).

The father of my kids came into my house with XH2 once and that didn't sit well with either me or XH2. I allowed it briefly only because he was dropping a kid by to open Christmas gifts with me before they went to a party. It felt rude for him to wait in the car. Very awkward.

Since the separation from XH2, XH1 has been in my home to celebrate two birthdays and an early Thanksgiving before our daughter moved to TX. He's also hung out with DS22 watching hockey once in the basement, and recently stopped in for a chat with our older son who was visiting. He's a good person and I hope he finds a girlfriend soon. LOL He's dating a lot and I think he's lonely for a companion (which will not be me). He's been a little needy texting me funny memes and telling me his health woes. I had to shut that sh*t down. Biggrin

Once again - it's not really relevant because there isn't a spouse to object.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Under no circumstances is Crazy allowed in our house. If our house were burning down and I was still inside slowly dying of smoke inhalation and needed to be saved and she happened to be there and tried to save me, I would still tell her to leave. She's not even allowed in the driveway unless she's dropping skids off.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

We don't even do pickups or drop offs at my house because it's a definite no go on her coming even anywhere near my driveway... Let alone in my house. I have this fear that miss druggie with the sticky fingers with either steal something or throw drugs somewhere, or just in general mess up the relaxing state of the house. SD10 has even said she doesn't want her there because it "won't be as happy of a place." (NOTE: Didn't encourage that. Just said "okay." and continued on with my day)

I literally put up a no-tresspassing sign so if her stupid a$$ shows up at the house I have full rights to press charges. My DH said "well that seems neighborly." I told him I didn't care about being neighborly, I care about safety and keeping stupid people away from the house. (that being said. All my neighbors are retired couples and we get along swimmingly!)

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Biowh0re isn’t allowed in my home ever. She isn’t allowed to contact me or my real kids. Ever. 

Not my ex, not my problem.

My ex husband isn’t allowed anywhere near me or my home or my family either 

I love boundaries. 

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll is always like, "but I would let you if it was my place". um like no.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

The house we lived in when we first got married was the old marital home. She gave up husband and home in the divorce and I thought it best she not feel welcome to either anymore, for my own peace of mind. She tried a couple times to wander in when the skids were younger but we have 2 GSD guard dogs who let her know she’s not on the VIP list and can take a hike.

TX2step's picture

When DHs brother died, we held the memorial service at my home. Worst decision ever. SD and BM untethered in my home. Taking pictures and visiting with "family" while I worked my head off. This will never happen again. I'm so over it.


Aniki's picture

Not in this - or any other - lifetime. How it has worked for years: BioHo pulls into the driveway, keeps her skank arse in the car, and the skids get in/out. If DH does pickup/dropoff he pulls up to the 'Ho House (not in the driveway) and the skids get in/out. PigPen is the last skid and he's driving, so there will be no more pickup/dropoff.

caitlinj's picture

I allowed BM in our house until I found out she was being sneaky by casually flirting with my SO and making unflattering comments about me that I guess she thought was funny. Never again. She can wait on the driveway now. She ruined it for herself.

amysunshine's picture

My husband has no issue with his BM coming over. Once we got in a bind and he called her to bring my SD over to check on our cat (we were stuck out of town). Later my SD says she was watching TV when they came over. No in and out. No boundaries. He still didn't care. I am like shit should we leave her popcorn next time. I got a pet sitter on call after that, but he said I was still overreacting.

amysunshine's picture

Yep, he said that there should be no issue with her there in a pinch. She does come in to pick up their daughter but only stands at the door. She stopped doing that if I was home, but it seems she is back to sticking around and BS'ing now that I am not. He says I don't know how to just be mean to her. I say there is no reason to be mean. Just don't engage, but what do I know. Apparently, I am the problem LOL!  

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

For the record, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the hellhole dirtclan sh!thole Biowh0re calls her home. I’m fair! She ain’t allowed in my home and I won’t go in hers.


sunshinex's picture

Yep. She lives a few hours away so when she picks SD up for summer visitation/holidays, we let her and her mother into the house. They sit and have coffee, play with my son (moreso BM's mom than BM, BM doesn't care for kids), and we hangout for a bit. I don't mind BM. She's a waste of a mother and a total loser. She doesn't pay child support, but I mean, she clearly regretted having a child, even when SD was a baby. Left at 9 months and only wanted visitation as minimally as possible to "stay friends" with her daughter I guess. 

But as a person, I don't mind BM. She's actually the type of girl I'd hangout with when I was younger. Now that I'm 24, I feel she's a bit immature and strange considering she doesn't work, lives with her parents, etc. but we've talked about going to concerts together and stuff before. Who knows, maybe one day in the future, I'll actually hang out with her. Weird. But I know my SD likes that her mom and I get along. 

DH doesn't talk to her and thinks she's an absolute waste. He hates her. And I understand why - she abandoned his daughter. But personally, I have no hard feelings because I wasn't involved in their relationship. I almost feel for her - it's gotta suck to lack the ability to love. 

CLove's picture

One morning a few years ago, and walked in yelling at us - we leave the door unlocked for Munchkin to come in at drop off for school (back when Toxic Troll was WORKING) and she had the nerve to yell at us.

Cut forward a few years later and she has called me names, treated me like dirt, been an a$$ to DH, and no, absolutely not.

Toxic Troll is not allowed in the house, does not come to the door.

Toxic Troll is not to text DH with her personal issues, boyfriend tales, sexploits

Toxic Troll is not invited to ANY family functions. Munchkin had a cryfest one time when I nixed her mother coming to a bday party for her gma (who has dementia) when gma invited her (not even knowing who she was!!!!) - this is DH's mother, mind you. I told munchkin that dh's famly doesnt want Toxic Troll there. I guess the family didnt want to hurt her feelings and did too good of a job hiding their TRUE feelings (which I did not know at the time!)

WEll, a year later and I think munchkin knows by now that "no her mother isnt invited to anything".

Oddly enoughToxic Troll still thinks of DH's family as her "in laws"!!!

Because THEIR marriage is the REAL one. Because they had CHILDREN. Its MORE real. And because they were together for 20 years to our mealsey right now 5.

yikes. Now what.

OK, so to answer the original question.

NO> she is not, under any circumstance allowed anywhere near my home except for drop off pickup and only in driveway.

DPW's picture

I've never spoken to BM, or seen BM in person. I answered the phone once and she asked for SO... that's the contact we've had. We live far away from each other but even when we lived in the same area, there was no contact. There have been no major family events where we would have met unless you count SGD's birthdays but I've never been invited, even when it was on neutral territory. No bigee; not really into kids parties anyway. I'm waiting for YSS to get married soon. Wonder if I'll be invited... lol

Now, would I let her in my house? If she introduced herself to me like an adult and didn't give me any attitude, then yes I would. But I also would have no problem kicking her out if she misbehaved. 

Cover1W's picture

BM has been here for SDs birthdays before, and one other three total. I don't love it. She's nice enough but I don't trust her and DH knows that. There is no way I would be ok with her coming over by herself. No way. 

I don't like going to her home (SDs birthdays when they were younger) either. The last several times DH needed to drop stuff off or something (again some time ago) I waited in the car.

Swim_Mom's picture

BM insisted that DH was no longer allowed to set foot in the house after he moved out. It made SS uncomfortable and made him feel put in the middle. It isn't as if DH was going to go through their house - I think a couple of times it would have made sense to help carry SS's thing in, or maybe he wanted to show his Dad something. By BM being like this, it made SS feel badly. As for me, my ex-H used to stay at my house with the kids when DH and I were dating. I cannot imagine that now, but I would never say he couldn't enter my house. I don't have any great love or respect for him, but I'm not going to treat him like he's less than a human being and sure would not want to put my kids in that position. 

Rags's picture

My wife was the CP.  We raised SS-26 in our home.  Our home was and is his home. He has a key.

As far as the SpermIdiot or anyone else in the SpermClan accessing our home? Not no but hell no. Ever. For any reason. Just no.

Fortuneatly we never lived nearer than 1200 miles from SpermLand and they never gave a shit enough to visit SS where he lived even though their COd visitation included 10 days of visitation with SS in his home area in the Fall.  They did have regular visitation with him in SpermLand per the CO.  But even that they would often refuse upon claims of not being able to afford their half of visitation transportation costs.  On several occassions over the years we paid their share of visitation costs when it had been a year or more since they had taken SS for visitation.

There is no situation that could occur for which their entry into our home would have been allowed. Whether we were there or not.

notasm3's picture

SS is permanently 100% banned from my home.  There’s no reason for BM to ever visit, but I’d let her in before SS. 

thisgirlrighthere's picture

I'm laughing out loud at all the "NO"'s. This was a BIG issue between DH and I before I moved in, and even after I moved in. Their daughter is an ADULT in her twenties no less. Now that we're married, I live here and I'm on the deed to the house, NO WAY is she allowed to step foot in this house. I even installed security cameras (for actual security purposes lol) However, before I moved in, because it wasn't "my house " and we were only engaged, I didn't feel I had any say... if I put up a stink about BM coming over and having a beer and talking about the "remember when's" or just popping by when we were relaxing on the couch watching a movie, I came across as "jealous". However, if the shoe was on the other foot, my husband would have had a stroke... but because I was child free at the time, I couldn't get away with that behaviour with an ex. 

caitlinj's picture

Lol exactly they are the biggest hypocrites. They blow up if we hang out with anyone other than them yet they have the audacity to have their ex over at their house when we aren’t around and have daily friendly talk with their ex. If the shoe was on the other foot there is no way they could handle it and that is exactly what makes them the biggest hypocrites and exactly why they could never be with anyone who also has kids too. They use their kids as an excuse to stay enmeshed with their ex. I might add I know many divorces who do not allow their ex in their home and do not communicate daily with their ex. They pick up and drop off at designated places or the driveway and they only hear from their ex on occasion when it comes to something concerning their kids.


lorlors's picture

Then maybe but she is an absolute lunatic who causes nothing but trouble and upset so no. Also, I can't stand looking at her big old tombstone teeth. No one needs that in their house. LOL.

ctedrow's picture

No. BM has never been allowed in my home with or without me there. My husband and her have designated pick up and drop off spots. BM has every right to know where we live but she is not welcome there. She once convinced my 4 ye old SD to show her where our old apartment was and she showed up throwing mulch at our window. My husband worked night shifts and was supposed to pick up my SD from daycare when he woke up at 3pm per their deal. BM decided she wasn’t taking her to daycare and just showed up at our apartment  for my husband to begin his time with her with NO sleep after working a 14 hour night shift. Since that display of blatant disrespect she will never be allowed in our home.