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Lucykp2's picture

Hi guys,

So my stepdaughter (6) has been really playing up recently. I don’t think she dealt with the split, which was nearly 3 years ago.

She is rude, full of attitude and has a tendency to lie. She has a younger sister (3)

I am trying to think of soemthing that we can do between both households. Ours and her mothers.

Her mother and my partner do not have a good relationship but are good at communicating on SD6 ‘a behaviour.

Any ideas????

ESMOD's picture

Unless your DH has an amicable relationship with his EX.. forget about working with her.  She will likely NOT want to hear any input from you.. and that kind of co-parenting is difficult unless the parents are very amicable.

Deal with behavior as it happens in YOUR home.  Your DH (NOT you) should be informing his EX of any behavior issues in your home that he thinks she should know about.  He can't tell her HOW to deal with them though.

Rags's picture

Coordination of discipline between two households is next to impossible.  Particularly when the former breeding partners do not have a reasonable relationship to co-parent.

IMHO the critical success factor is to set the standards of reasonable behavior and associated rules in your home, hold the kids in the home accountable to comply with those standards in an age appropriate manner, and apply escalating age appropriate disciplinary consequences for any choice they make not to comply.

You cannot fix issues in the other parent's home.  You can only focus on behavioral compliance in your home.  Regardless of what flies in BM's home, the kids need to clearly understand what flies in yours and more clearly they need to understand that the standards in  your home apply from the second they arrive for their time with your family until the second they return to the other parent.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.