Sd is angry at us and she has every right to be
I found this site a week ago but I was hesitant to make an account.
Dh and I have been married for 4 years now but we've been togther for 6 years . I want to start out by saying that I know some of the things we did were not okay and we both wish that we could go back and do things right. Unfortunatley, we can't.
Dh and I got together 6 years ago when he was still married to Bm. At the time they had Sd16( whose was 12 back then). We were close friends and it wasn't okayy how we got together, but it is what it is. Since then. we've had our son.
Bm did not handle the affair and divorce well. She wound up getting very depressed and spent home time in the hospital because of it. Dh feels immensely gulity of this (so do I). She has suffered from some mental issues her entire life, so while I know we played a part in it, it also wasn't entirely on us.
During the divorce, no one told Sd what happened. She did see Bm's struggles and she was upset at their divorce but we kept our relationship quiet from her and others. We didn't want to cause her any more harm that was already done to her. We were friends, so it wasn't werid for me to be around him and no one questioned us. That was wrong. We see that now.
Dh and I always were close. I was the "cool aunt" before her dad and I got together. When we got married, she became even closer to me and considered me a second motherly figure. She used to enjoy spending time with me, she would come to be if she ever needed to talk. She was happy that her dad and I got together because she always liked me and was happy to see her dad happy.
Bm fell into a very deep depression and ended up claming her life- may she find peace. Sd was the one that found her. Bm wanted to punish Dh and I and she has. She left behind a sucide note telling Sd why Bm went depressed and why she was hospitalised for a time and how Dh and I were having an affair behind her back and how Dh betrayed her. She has never the same after that.
Sd hates me with a passion. We feel terrible. All Sd does now is scream how much she hates Dh and I. She says that she can never forgive me for all that i've done. I've tried to talk to her but she has threatned me to stay away from her. Dh has tried talking to her and she tells Dh that he should be the the one in the ground not Bm. Dh has literally begged Sd to just listen to him and she screamed at him to go f*** himself and she will never forgive him even if she would die. She can't stand the sight of BS either. She used to be so warm and affectionate with him. Now she's so cold to him. Sd still has Bm's sucide note and will constantly throw it in Dh's face saying that Bm didn't commit suicide. It was murder. Words cannot describe how terrible we feel. There are times we hear Sd crying from our room. Dh will go and see if she's okay and she will yell at him to leave her alone like how he left Bm alone.
She's a cheer leader at her school and we all used to go to watch her preform but I stopped going because all I get from other parents are death glares. Dh's family hates us too. Sd told MIL and FIL. They told Dh should be ashamed to call himself a father. Bil and SIL don't even talk to him anymore. His parents have told Dh that when they die, he is not to attend their funeral. This past Christmas was done at his parents house and we were not invited. They ignore BS as well. All they care about is Sd. They told Dh, to let Sd spend the holidays with them, so she can least have a good time. He let her go.
Sd says that she hates herself for ever loving me and considered me family. She feels betrayed Bm and she will never forgive me. I'm heartbroken from this. She used to love me and now she can't stand the sight of me. She barley speaks to Dh. When Dh tried to speak to her, she threw a glass at him and told him to "F*** off".
We've taken her to mutiple therapist to try to help her. One therapist told Dh and I that her reaction is completly normal and she will never forgive me. This is something she will hold for the rest of her life and will continue to punish us for a long period of time.
We both feel terrible (as we should). I leave the house with BS so Dh can spend time with Sd alone. I've checked myself into a hotel for 3 days so they could spend time together but according to Dh, all Sd does is stay in her room and for the whole day. Only leaving to use the washroom. She barley eats anything. We're lucky if she finishes half of her dinner.
On Friday she was supposed to be home at 9. She didn't come home until 3am. We were worried sick. Dh was close to calling the police. All Dh asked were she was and why didn't she calling us to tell us where she was(Dh lets her get away with a lot now) and she told Dh that he doesn't need to tell the witch(me) and her b****(him) anything and if we have a problem then we should take up with Bm. Then she runs up the stairs crying and slams the door.
I honestly don't know much of this I can take. Dh feels terrible. We know we are responsible for her change in behavior. She's hurt and she has every right to be. She's angry and is taking it out on us. We feel terrible everyday. Sd told Dh that she hate seeing my "ugly, disgusting, wrenched face". Dh does stand up to her but she always shuts him up. I don't get involved because I just make her more upset.
Dh says that he's willing to take anything Sd will throw at him if that makes her happy. That's how bad he feels. I know though that what we are feeling is noting compared to what she feels. We can hear her cry at night and we don't sleep because of it. I wish I could take the pain away but I can't. I know Sd will never come to trust me ever again. Our relationship will never be the same, if we're lucky to have one again. She's somewhat more calm and responsive to Dh but that can be hit and miss. There are time where she asks Dh if he stills loves her and he says that he loves her very much and noting will ever change that. Then she'll ask him then why did he take Bm away from her and leaves the room. I've never seen Dh cry so much before in the time we've been together. He loves Sd so much but she is so clouded my grief and anger that she can't see it. I already now that I'm going to get a lot of back lash for this. Believe me if I could take it back I would. We're responsible for this and we're paying the price.
If it wasn't for BS I would have walked away but I just don't know what to do