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lmrnmr's picture

Hello everyone.  I'm new here and finding it helpful and theraputic.  This is my first blog, though I've commented on other posts.  I recently remarried a man I knew 30 years ago.  We are both divorced, his newer than mine, and have a child each...I have a 22 year old son and he has a 14 year old daughter. He and my son get along great.  His daughter would rather he be single and doesn't speak to me. She did when we first started dating, was friendly, polite... Then we got engaged and it all changed.  

It was all very fast, we had only been dating for a few months when he asked me to marry him.  I knew on the first date, after 30 years, that he was going to be in my life!  Like I said, it was fast.  And his exwife made sure to voice her opinion about it, and everything else, from the get go.  She was the one who asked for the divorce.  They had been living in the same house but seperate lives for 10 plus years.  People I know who are friends with my husband say it wasn't a good marriage.  But I digress.  She, too, had someone new and lied to the daughter telling her he was just a friend and NOT living in their house.  But he wasn't just a friend and was living in the basement.  

It's been a roller coaster and I want to get off.  I knew there would be challanges but not like this.  Not someone telling her child not to care or like me or her father becasue after all "he doesn't care about you anymore." "You don't come first." "If he cared about your feelings he wouldn't be getting married." "Time with him should just be the two of you."  These are texts I've seen and I could go on and on. I've tried everything I can think of to get along with SD but she ignores me in my own house.  She's rude and disrespectful, which is partly the age (I teach middle, and speaks to her father in that manner.  He was the stay at home parent and they were together 24/7 and very close.  I get it, she's had A LOT of changes and feels like I took something from her.  And as. middle school reading specialist this is my demegrophic.  But this is a different animal all together and I have no idea what to try next.  

Rags's picture

Time to beat the shit out of this kid and BM with the facts.

  • Her mother is a liar. Bare  her ass and give the kids the facts, all documentation and evidence showing that BM is a liar.
    • The live in BF
    • Etc....
  • List every text.
    • Address the bullshit expressed in each one with the truth and facts.
  • Lather, rinse, repeat.

Do not let the SKid nor the BM derail your relationship.  Nothing takes precedence over the relationship and the partner for equity life partners.  That is the sole unequivocal priority.  Kids are the top relationship responsibility but never the priority over the partnership.

BM does not even make the scale.  Ever.  She gets smacked in teh mouth with the facts, a rolled up copy of the CO, and kept in the hole under her slime covered rock at the bottom of her shallow and polluted gene pool until her behavior consistently complies with reasonable standards of behavior.

The Skid gets the facts in an age appropriate manner.

Don't internalize the drama, don't play games, just season the kid with the facts, focus on the relationship and beat the shit out of BM with the facts.

Good luck


lmrnmr's picture

Thanks.  He tells the daughter the facts, shows her the texts from the mom...  Daughter says "You always have to prove it." Yes, because mother is a liar.  But daughter tells him he's the liar.  Plus she's playing them both like a fiddle!  I'll keep your advice in mind.


Rags's picture

We got the pushback from the kid regarding the facts as well.  We kept him seasoned with the facts anyway.  Eventually we would occasionally find him in the CUSTODY/VISITATION/SUPPORT drawers in our home office filing cabinets looking the facts up for himself when the SpermClan would play their manipulative crap.

Hopefully you will have similar results.

lmrnmr's picture

Wow!  A drawer for all that. I can't get him to kep a  Good idea though.  Thanks.  

Rags's picture


My wife is a CPA and keeps meticulous records.  It started when the BioDadClan attempted to sue her for custody of SS shortly after we started dating.    SS-26 was 15mos old at the time. 

Long story short... she found a forged signature on the paperwork they filed for custody.  SpermGrandHag had forged the SpermIdiot's signature and filed for custody in her idiot son's name without telling  him.  That set the stage for the next 16+ years of SpermClan family court battles.

We kept phone logs, recorded every phone call with them (It is legal in TX to record  your own conversations without notifying the other party.  Make sure it is legal in your state.), saved every answering machine message, she kept a journal of every interface with them, every story SS would recound upon  his return home from SpermLand visitation, full copies of all of the court records, extra copies of the court reporter recordings, copies of the Custody/Visitation/Support CO, copies of the supplemental county rules in the county where the CO was issued, the state rules and regulations on visitation, CS, etc......... and she kept a running spreadsheet of the $ they owed us complete with applied penalties and interest based on the IRS penalties and interest rates for nonpayment of taxes.  They loved getting that SpreadSheet a few times a year.  She still sends it twice a year just in case she decides to sue them for that money. 

We have found that the side with the best knowledge of the CO, etc...,  and the best records has an advantage if it goes in front of a Judge.

lmrnmr's picture

Wow again!  She's good.  I know friends who have kept e-mails and texts to show family court and they wouldn't even look at them. So he'd have to find out the laws in RI.  Thanks again and sorry you had to go through that.  My son's dad left when I was pregnant and never fought for anything.  Not even joint custody.