Do you love some of your SKs but not the others?
I have a great relationship with one of my SKs, I love spending time with her and think she’s a great kid. She’s feisty and strong willed and we’ve gone head to head more than a few times over the years, but I think it’s only strengthened our bond. I would have her live with us full time in a heartbeat. I miss her when she’s not here.
My other SK is the classic mini wife. She’s always seen me as a competitor. I put a lot of effort in with my SKs, and it bothers me to still be seen (5 years in) as the competition. I treat my SKs the same as my bio kids. My other SK is happy enough to spend time with either of us (and quite often prefers to be with me).
We get on great when her dad isn’t around, but as soon as he is, all bets are off. I encourage her to have one on one time with him, and I encourage her to have one on one time with me too. I was a SK and was initially very jealous of my stepmom. But she put a lot of effort into developing a relationship with me, and I grew out of it. I actively avoid my DH when she’s around because I want her to feel like she gets one on one time with him, but also because her behaviour makes me cringe. She will still try to crawl into his lap (she’s 12!) if she sees us sitting together and there’s no spot for her. I think it is mainly his fault as he is the adult and should be shutting this kind of stuff down, and he clearly hasn’t set acceptable boundaries. Does anyone have any positive experiences where their SKs finally grew out of this or is this a forever thing?
I feel like it’s so obvious that I love YSD more and I feel very guilty. I think the difference is that her sister treats me as a parent and so I love her like one. She was younger when I came into her life and doesn’t remember life without me, so that could be a factor too.