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OT-Tone Check

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

My aggressively unlikable 18 year old is staying at a homeless shelter. I am taking a letter to him from a possible great job opportunity (don't know if it's an offer or rejection). I'm making a packet of papers for him that will include the letter, subway coupons and 20 bucks from DD7 and a note with my phone number and "your sister wants to see you". Before I drop this off, does any of that seem manipulative and harsh? I do t want to seem like I am trying to guilt him, I'm just trying to pass on a message since he doesn't call or email. He's the last of her siblings to still hang out with her and she's lonely.


justmakingthebest's picture

Not at all. It seems like you are offering an olive branch and reminding him that he does have family that loves him but not his choices. Sometimes that is the line we have to walk as parents. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

My only concern is whether DD7 realizes that $20 won't bring her brother home or not. Does DD think giving him the money will make him straighten up and act right? If she has any inclination that the money is anything more than a gift, I would give her the money back. It's too short of a walk in her thinking that "oh, $20 wasn't enough, but maybe $40 will be tomorrow". It sets her up to be an enabler, and if your son is as much of a jackass as you say he is, then he sees his next target he can manipulate.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

We have all the same concerns. BS and DD have serious soft spots for each other. She's going to be an amazing Jewish grandmother, feeding the neighborhood like my grandma did. The money was to make sure he could eat, not a bribe, I think. 

DH and I already talk with her about the future. We stress with her that BS makes his own choices and it's never ever her job to support him. If she wants to help, it's her choice, but she shouldn't feel obligated, especially if it causes her or her future family discomfort. 

On a happier note, I found out I'm a solid 10 at the homeless shelter. At least 4 guys let me know how pretty I am and one of them called me fierce and said I look like an MMA fighter. (I'm short and muscular but a total wimp. I couldn't pick a fight except if the kids' lives depended on it.)