And JUST like that.. BOOOM there it blows again
If you saw my earlier post, you know I essentially BROKE down second guessing mine and DHs conversation that occurred last night. Well, I broke down tonight too. Even worse. Because I broke down and it all came out as diarrhea of the mouth because I lost it. I completely opened up to DH about my opinions on EVERYTHING, just not in the right way.
We disagree about BM manipulating and taking advantage of him. I see it. He does not.
I opened up that I feel emotionally and physically neglected (not sex wise, but intimacy wise). I recognize that we don’t show love in the same ways. We don’t have the same love languages, if you will.
I opened up that I want to be acknowledged for taking on a situation (stepmom and dealing with skids and BM) that I did not create. I want recognition for changing my entire life (accepting his children and situation) so that I can be with him.
I opened up that I WANT to be with him. He interpreted my perspectives as wanting a divorce because I told him how HARD this role of SM and second wife is. I explained that it is literally the complete opposite. It is about how much I WANT to be with him and how much I pour into this to make it work because the bottom line is that I LOVE him whole heartedly
I explained that nobody else (including DH) can determine the degree to which I am impacted by these changes and difficulties in this role. Only I can say how much I am affected by these things because those are MY feelings and nobody can belittle them. (I consider this two week battle as traumatic to me even though he or anyone else may not view it that way).
I explained that EVERYTHING I do is with his best interests in mind whether it be determining how child support is paid (there’s no court ordered child support it is all unofficial) or not putting up with BMs actions that I view as inappropriate. it’s because I will FIGHT for him. I will always stand by his side and defend him and won’t let anyone try to USE the man I love.
It wasn’t a constructive conversation. I didn’t focus on being therapeutic and receptive and listening. For once, I COMPLETELY focused on MY needs. I poured my heart and soul and thoughts out at him because I want him to know what’s going on with ME. I want him to understand that the foundation of what I have been doing is on his behalf.
I know this is a DH/DW problem & not a BM/skid problem. But these problems are stemming from the stepmom & second wife role I’ve taken on. I feel like I have to transition into this role. We have been together for almost 2 years, but married for 5 months. I feel like things changed when we got married. Not our relationship, but my commitment and dedication to him and our relationship and I think THAT is why this is STILL a transition. Though we’ve been together for two years, things change when you say “I Do” because that is a new level of the relationship.