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The saga continues

scarpetta's picture

I haven't posted in several years because my wicked SD's moved out of my home and in with their mother in 2014.  The oldest waited until one week after graduation from high school, even though she wasn't 18 years old yet.  My husband was heartbroken, but didn't try to force her to stay until she was 18.  I was very happy.  The younger step-beast was only 16 years when she decided that she didn't want to come to our house anymore, especially since her older sister wouldn't be there. She basically didn't show up to our house after school as she was supposed to one afternoon.  When my husband called to confront her and her mother, SD claimed if he didn't leave her alone she would hurt herself.  My husband was so angry at this tactic that he refused to go to the hospital to see her during the psychological evaluation period. We went a whole year without seeing her or hearing from her.  Again, I was happy to have her manipulative ways out of my life.  However, over time my bio-daughter couldn't stand the rift in the family and was working to help younger SD and father to reconcile. I stayed out of it even though I felt betrayed by my own daughter who knew what my SD's put me through for 12 years.  Anyway, my adult SD's are now 20 and 22.  We see them very rarely and when they do deem us worthy of their presence and attention, they only stay for about an hour and half before abruptly getting up to leave.  I could care less, but this behavior hurts my husband deeply.  He has never been able to come to terms with his daughters' treatment of him, or even how he could have contributed to the way they feel about him.  My husband was a strict parent with my two bio kids, but let his get away with murder.  You would think the SD's would be appreciative about being let off the hook, but to their credit, they never felt good about how hard my husband was on my kids.  The kids all loved each other and despite the normal sibling fights, they got along pretty well.  To the point of my subject in this post....the saga continues ~ although my SD's do not live with us and we see them only every few months, I dread each encounter. My husband forced my two children out into the world (the Army) because he said they didn't deserve to go to college. To this day, a part of me hates him for putting my kids' lives in danger because he didn't want to pay for college for them. But, my oldest SD, the one who moved out of our house early, gets to attend the private university where I work for free because one of my employment benefits is tuition remission. I did everything I could to help her get in because she was having a hard time getting classes at the Cal State school she let her mother talk her into attending. Meanwhile, my son is still in the Army and being re-deployed, and my daughter is out of the Army, but has PTSD and several medical issues from her service. She moved home to live with us for a while so she can save some money and get on her feet. But, ever since she moved in, my husband has been acting standoffish and weird towards her.  One minute he's kind and helpful, and the next, he retreats to our bedroom without a word and falls asleep for the night (a recent behavior). When asked if he's angry about my daughter being at home, he says he's fine with it. But his actions don't match his words. This Saturday is my birthday and rather than the kids buying me gifts I asked them just to make dinner reservations and I'd provide at least $50 toward the meal for everyone.  The kids (my daughter and 2 SD's) are planning to scrape together the rest. The reason I'm dreading my birthday dinner is because of the way my husband has been acting toward my daughter and I know when his oldest shows up he's going to fawn all over her. It's going to make me angry and it will be hard for me to keep my comments and anger to myself. I don't want my birthday ruined, like it has been so many other times, but I cannot allow him to think his behavior goes unnoticed.  Every time he treats my SD like a princess and my daughter like she's a burden, I seethe with anger!  I know I need to check these emotions, but it's so difficult.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Your husband kicked your kids out, refused to help them with college. Then you enabled his daughter to go to college tuition free? Why?

notasm3's picture

Yeah - why?  That is just ridiculous. Why couldn’t your children have gone for free too?

shamds's picture

since when did your husband dictate or control whether your bio kids go to uni or not when he’s a stepdad. He has no right!! Its like he just wanted to sabotage their future for life? What person does that? A horrible one!!

i just can’t believe you would let yourself get roped into going above and beyond the extra mile to get sd into a private uni but forced your bio kids to get shipped to the army because of what your husband said.

why is it your husband said your bios don’t deserve to go to university but his daughter should have you pull all the strings to get her in??

i would honestly sit both your bio kids down and just apologise for what happened and see if they want to go to university then help them get in. Try to make amends and work towards a positive outcome

this really pisses me off when stepparents feel they have the authority to do dumb controlling shit like this 

my stepdaughters stepdad feels he has the right to dictate things like when and if they can see their bio dad (based on lunatic accusations by bio mum that hubby does voodoo crap despite her and new husband seeing witch doctors for spiritual healing), he also dictates where sd is allowed and should work despite my husband the bio dad being the only person who contributed towards her university education. 

Want2's picture

You know what, I don’t think this birthday dinner is the best idea. Not sure why you set it up, it’s kinda like you set yourself up!! Let the kids buy you gifts and go to dinner with your hubby is my two cents.

Rags's picture

First, Happy Birthday!!!!

Time to get your daughter into school and put your foot up DH's butt to keep him aligned with decency.


NachoQueen's picture

PS.. one life lesson I have learned. When words and actions don't agree, believe the actions.