SD15 and the teenage angst
SD15 has always been the most rational out of the skids. She's a good kid, seems to appreciate things the most, and has true empathy for others. Every so often some of that teenage hormone angst rears it's ugly head and she can have an attitude, be rude, and snappy. We've always shut it down, but don't usually worry about it too much as they are few and far between.
Well yesterday SD15 decided to not get on the bus after school because "it always comes late". Monday is a switch day so BM dropped them off at school, and they're supposed to come home to our hosue. So DH and I with 2 DDs (because we carpooled) in the carseats in a 4 door sedan have to go pick her up. She is irritated right away and has to squeeze into the middle seat between the carseats, not sure if it's that fact that ticked her off or something else going on.
She doesn't say a word to us on the way home, and immediately goes to her bedroom. DH calls her down for dinner 30 minutes for later and it's an argument to get her to come talk to him. They go to another room and with some prodding she tells DH (crying because she's upset) that everything is fine other than things with him, that we're too strict and it's making her miserable, but she's basically unable to give any examples. She ends up leaving and won't listent to DH anymore and he lets her go because he's pissed.
SD13 starts agreeing with SD15 and telling DH that we are too strict yada yada, irritating DH even more. Since SD15 tends to just have blow ups occasionally, I encouraged DH to give her and him some space and time to cool off and I'd try to talk to her later to see if there's something more going on.
A few hours later I try to talk to SD15 as DH is out and it starts off OK in that she's able to be reasonable and talk. She thinks we're too strict because any time the skids want to go somewhere with friends we need to talk to parents. I explained to her that she's getting to the age now that she'll be able to do more things by herself, it will depend on the information we get from her, honesty, and the situation to determine if we need to talk to anyone.
Most of this was all about her phone though. Each skid got a cell phone around 7th grade, they were gifted a brand new, newest model phone and told that it would be the ONLY phone we would buy them. That if they wanted a new version, they'd have to buy it themselves. Also, each skid has parental monitoring software on their phone. It allows us to filter websites, allow or block apps, monitor GPS location, and set time limits for phone usage. So she then starts saying that all her friends get new upgraded phones, and non of them have the monitoring app and that it's embarassing. That she doesn't care that it's for her safety, she thinks we should trust her yada yada. I explained that we love her and the benefits of the monirotring app for her safety are more important to us than her irritation with having it on her phone. Her response was "well it doesn't make me feel loved", then she goes with the whole "what's the point of even having a phone if you're going to put the software on it".
Well I'm rabmling now....anyways DH and I haven't really done anything at this point. He's super pissed and is consdiering just getting rid of the phones. He thinks she's feeling too entitled and spoiled, and that if she thinks we're being too strict he's going to "show her what strict really is" so she can appreciate that we aren't. I don't know if that's the best solution, I'm kind of at a loss...I feel like she's acting ungrateful, but not sure how to show her that without just pushing her more onto the side of "they're unfair"
I thought maybe this morning she'd be in a better mood, but no, she literally got up extra early so she could eat breakfast without being around us. Hasn't said a word still.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far! You deserve a medal lol