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Winning b****

Chelsearg's picture

Hubbys ex is incredibly toxic. I never knew someone could be so disgusting! It’s all in my previous posts. Anyhow last time we had SS for the holidays he went home and Hubbys ex let rip and accused me of saying things that made SS uncomfortable. It was pretty hurtful as we had an amazing time and I pride myself on doing well by SS in such a toxic situation where I could go insane. Last visit never happened. The ex pulled the old “he doesn’t want to come” so she expects us to have him this weekend instead. But Hubbys working and “I don’t want to make SS uncomfortable” so we can’t have him. And hubby 110% has my back over it. It’s a long weekend and she had plans and we have just played her at her own game. It’s sucks for the child but I am not going to watch SS only to be accused of stuff. This is a little win that doesn’t happen often. Hubby said to me the other day he’s sick of fighting her so we will play her at her own game and no longer go out of our way to fight for our weekends. If she wants to accuse me of shit then she has just missed out on her on call babysitter. Hubby works a lot and the only reason he could have SS so often was because I was happy to help out wherever I could. 

Maria10's picture

I have been all about COs lately....

If you have a CO:

She cannot withold the child from visitation for any reason including " he does not want to go".

If you have a CO go to the sheriff and get your son for visitation or put it on record at the least.

My CO( standard) states that if the child does not want to see one of the parents the other parent has to make a few reasonable attempts to get the child to go. Otherwise counseling. It also stipulates that if child is contnually sick there are recourses. 

Congrats on your win! Even this small worth a big celebration!

Harry's picture

BM just wanted to switch weekends. So she had the three day weekend to go away 

Chelsearg's picture

A court order but nothing ever happens when she with holds the child. She gets a letter that costs us $300 and this continues. Then after many letters and thousands of dollars for us we have to go back to mediation where she lies her way through and it’s just a vicious circle. She’s now saying that poor SS is waiting for his dad who has let him down and broke his heart. Well it’s not his weekend anyway, there was no alternate plan to have him this weekend. Hubby is working and I cannot watch the child if I make him uncomfortable, why would she want the child in my care if I really had done that. 

Maria10's picture

I feel for you here and agree that after all of that money and effort you feel exhausted.The bias is real and I wish the courts would quit protecting these waste of space Bms simply because they shot out a meal ticket( based on how she treats skid). Its good that your SO isnt giving her any more advantages and just goes by the CO. 

It shocked me to the core when I heard that all CPS did was to give (then drunken unemployed and filthy) BM1 food when they were called for neglect when ss12( then 7) burned himself really badly trying to cook for himself and his toddler brother. Also nothing happened when ss brother fell out the window!( pro children my butt grr)

TrueNorth77's picture

*gag*  Of course, poor SS, and it's all your DH's fault because SHE is the one who didn't bring him on the wknd that was supposed to be his, and she's trying to pin it on your DH. This infuriates me to no end. This is exactly what our Crazy BM would do. She used to drop skids off a day early. One wknd my SO told her that if she must drop them off early (she had no reason to), to drop them off after 7pm since he worked til 7. She tried dropping them off at 3pm when I was home alone. Mind you, a whole DAY early. I didn't answer the door. She then spent the next several hours bashing us to skids, saying we must not care about them or love them because we weren't there to get them, etc. GRRR....

Oh well, I would still take your win, it's nice when things don't work out the way BM wanted to!

oneoffour's picture

The child/ren need to find out how crappy the situation is so they can learn what to believe or not to believe.

COnsidering the 'source' if you are expected to believe SS is 'afraid' of you then why would she leave him with you while witholding him the week before? How is he suddenly heartbroken and bereft and wearing sackcloth and ashes as he mourns his missed weekend with Dad? 

Dad should ask him alone the next time SS is over... "SS, are your REALLY afraid of Chelsea? What does she do that makes her so mean?" When he says "No. What are you talking about?" DH can say that his mother told him he is scared of Chelsea and if this isn't true then DH and SS will talk to her about it together. 

But good move on declaring your home a logic-enhanced zone.

tog redux's picture

My guess is that SS did say bad things about you to please his BM. We spent a lot of years assuming BM here was lying when she said SS told her was afraid of his father, but turns out, he was saying exactly that. Kids in these situations feel guilty for having a good time with "the enemy", so they say what they know will make BM happy.  BM then jumps on it and uses it to her advantage, OR, genuinely believes his stories.

So good for you for stopping it right away. If DH is working, then SS can't come over because he's uncomfortable with you. And DH needs to talk to his son about the fact that it's OK to love both parents and their SOs.

Siemprematahari's picture

What a great victory and its awesome that your H has your back on this 100%. He's not entertaining her twisted games and giving her a dose of her own bullsh!t. Good for him! BM has to be shut down immediately or else she will continue. She can't cry that you make SS uncomfortable and the next day wants to drop him off to the very person she's complaining about.

Kudos to you and have a wonderful fun-filled kid free weekend!

Chelsearg's picture

Hubbys ex has started getting more chummy with hubbys mum again. She messaged her and played the “oh my heartbroken boy, he just wanted to see his dad and he’s let him down blah blah”

hubbys mum is fuming at us. She forwarded the messages to us and when we explained the situation she’s seen them but chosen not to reply. She asked us earlier in the week if we were having SS and we said no and told her the situation then too and her reply was “oh”. Like what do you expect your son to continue bowing down to his ex and doing as she pleases. Should he refuse to work his rostered weekend to suit his exes needs when there was already a plan in place. 

Notup4it's picture

We have the same going on. On one hand the kids are “uncomfortable and afraid”, but then on the other they are abandoned and hurt.  They don’t want to see DH and are refusing but then “just want to spend time with their dad and are so disappointed”!!! So which is it lady?!?!

Rags's picture

You don’t need to pay for a letter or use an attorney to file a contempt motion with the court.  

Smack BM with a contempt motion every time she fails to deliver the SKid her the CO.

Demiver abject misery, shard the facts with the SKid in an age appropriate manner.  Bare BM’s toxic ass to the asked with the facts.  

Kids need to know the facts in order to protect themselves as they grow up and in adulthood.

Chelsearg's picture

Hubby messaged his mum and told her that he’s not having SS because he’s working and that’s his ex knows this and she can’t change the weekends and she’s just trying to make him look bad. He got no reply so he sent it again and she sounded pretty mad. The ex told Hubbys mum she can have the child next weekend which is our weekend. Hubby said he wasn’t happy about the ex dishing out his nights and his mum got mad and said “she’s not my boss, you can have him then”. I said to hubby maybe let your mom have SS for one night for a visit since she got her hopes up and we can have him the second night but he doesn’t want that since the ex has messed up all the visits. I have since messaged Hubbys mom twice, one message inviting her to a bbq and got the seen and no reply. Hubby has also said she’s mad at him but he doesn’t care. It annoys me how Hubbys ex has fucked it all up and spun her shit and now Hubbys mum is mad at us over it like woah how is this all our fault?! Actually correction, I’d say my fault!