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They call me the biggest loser.

AbegailElz21's picture

I have been a victim of bullying at school. They call me the biggest loser because of my weight. I am obese and I’m still trying to be in my best form. That is why I’m going to the gym often and trying to eat healthy. However, my parents do not support this. I want them to give me the support I need, same with those I read in a foreign blog about overcoming pressure and bullying. Tell me, if they can’t help me, who would? Should I just decide to change my lifestyle by myself? It’s hard without their support and encouragement.

susanm's picture

You don't say how old you are but you are never too young to learn a very valuable lesson.  No one is going to do for you anything that you will not do for yourself.  It would be great if your parents would support you but it is not necessary.  They can't go to the gym for you and they can't prevent you from eating too much or the wrong things.  You know what you need to do.  So do it and hold your head up high with pride in your accomplishments.  Good luck!!!!

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

Does your school have a counselor? Try going to them if you’re struggling to understand how to eat better and exercise (or just be healthier overall). Or you can do some research online. Another self motivation tool may be to set small goals for yourself with small rewards. For example when you lose 5 pounds, treat yourself to a movie. Or lose 2 dress sizes and buy yourself a nice outfit. 


As as far as getting your parents support, ultimately, you need to be able to do this for you. I would make a vision board or goals chart to hang up in a public space  (maybe outside your room door) so that they can see your progress. You being excited about it will hopefully make them excited as well! Best of luck to you!! 

marblefawn's picture

Are your parents obese?

If they are, they might not know how to support you. Or they may feel ashamed that you are doing something about your weight that they aren't doing about their own weight problems.

If they are not overweight, maybe they don't want to put too much pressure on you. They love you as you are and they don't want you to feel they love you less because of your weight.

Or they might just be scared. If you're in the U.S., you have plenty of company with weight issues! We've all been taught this is a taboo subject (except for the bullies). Even many doctors will not tell patients their weight must be reduced because it is so taboo.

Go to your school nurse, a health teacher or maybe a gym teacher you like. They might be willing to give you support and information that can help you. They might know of a group for young people that addresses weight issues and healthy food choices. Also, your local hospital might have a support group, a hiking group or something similar. A YWCA or YMCA is likely to have groups like this.

Your parents are likely doing the best they can. They want you to be happy, so just keep encouraging them to encourage you. When you show them you're serious, they might be more helpful. But even if they never come around to support you in this, keep at it. You'll feel better and that's all that matters. Good luck!

StepUltimate's picture

"Those who judge, don't matter. Those who matter, don't judge."

Your post reminded me of that saying. Meaning, the bullies don't matter, and the friends and family who care about you- they matter. So even though those bullies hurt your feelings, they don't matter. The people in your life (and it might be less than a handful) who care about you, they are the ones who matter.

You sound like an intelligent, sensitive person who is in an uncomfortable situation, seeking support and encouragement. Many of us have struggled with weight issues, including me. I was not obese but was a bullimic (don't recommend it!), and I needed support and encouragement to get past that problem. You would like support from your parents; so did I but my parents could not support or help me. The good news is that I discovered there are groups of people who suffered the same problems I had, and they shared with me what worked, and encouraged me. PM me if you are interested in these groups. I learned how to eat healthy, how to plan and prepare meals, and how to shop for heathy food. I know a lot of formerly-obese people from those groups (which were free programs) who are now free of the fat and down to a very healthy, lean weight. 

I am glad you signed up on this site and shared what you are going through. This is a website for frusterated step parents - are you a step parent? Even if you are not, I am glad you do positive things for yourself like writing out what's going on and requesting support, instead of just isolating and using food to try to feel better. I want to encourage you to never give up on yourself, even on the days you feel didn't go well. 

I hope you continue seeking solutions for yourself, whether or not your parents are supportive. When I was still struggling with the bullemia, it felt like none of my family and friends understood... because they didn't! That is why finding the groups of people who DID understand was so important for me, because even though they don't know me, they had the solutions I needed, and shared their experience, strength, and hope with me. I would like for you to find something that relieves you from the food & weight because life is so much lighter and fun without the extra weight. Plus, it's so much easier to find clothes that fit and flatter without the weight! You can achieve this too. 

I hope you are okay tonight, and that you know you are not the biggest nor are you a loser. Those bullies are sad losers who have no idea who you are, so their comments and opinions do not even count. You matter, the obesity is a fixable problem, and you can do this! 

tog redux's picture

The bullying is the problem, not your weight.  Please reach out to your school counselor and let him/her know what's going on. You are a worthwhile person even if you never lose weight, so please don't feel bad about who you are just because of some mean kids.

If you want to eat more healthy and get more exercise, that's great - but know that you are OK even if you don't lose any weight.

Rags's picture

I too was a victim of bullying.  Until I finally took a zero tolerance and total destruction of bullies stance.  When I started busting them in the face, they stopped bullying.

As for your weight.  I was not a fluffy kid. In fact I was extremely fit. It was not until my mid 20s for a couple of years then in my mid 30s on that I got heavy.  Between my wife and I, we have lost 200+Lbs with 125+ coming in the past 18mos. 

Your working out is a great step.  I will PM you a link to your StepTalk message box with a link to some resources to aid in your weight loss and health journey.

Take care of you.

amyburemt's picture

on going to the gym! Thats a great step in the direction to becoming healthy. Honestly, I view the changes you are making as positive and I would continue to do what you view as the positive thing to do. You could also see if there are any support weight loss groups in your area who could give you the support you need. If your parents aren't supporting you, then look elsewhere for that support that you require to stay on a positive path. They have calorie and get fit apps for your cell phone if you have one. It helps to track your food and drink intake. Maybe in the long run, your changes will inspire your entire household to get healthy.

MissTexas's picture

First of all, I am so sorry you are experiencing being bullied. That is NEVER ok, and should not be tolerated. This has to be addressed, immediately. You need to address this from the top down, with your school's administrator, your teachers (especially if that person is in your group or cluster for classes, this will let the teacher know not to pair the two of you for assignments), and your counselor.

Also, if there is a university in your area that offers a counseling degree plan, most offer free counseling from college students who must go through an internship. The same holds true for kinesiology majors. You may be able to check with them on a fitness program.

Studies have proven that "bullies" have self-esteem issues. These can stem from many situations. I know in junior high a girl who was very rough around the edges decided to pull a knife on me in the locker room, when we were changing for P.E, I was absolutely shocked. Prior to this, she had been calling me names, purposely bumping into me and mimicking me. I did talk to my teachers,/counselor/principal before the knife incident. When that happened, of course I went to administration, and parents were called. When the parents and both students got together for this conference, the bully's reason for doing what she did, was "I just want to be her friend." It's shocking, I know but we  never can know why people do what they do. Something always drives behavior.

Finally, visit with coaches (I think you're in junior high or high school) and ask them if you can come and run and workout with the varsity students after school. Ask them to put together a workout for you to do on your own, and see if they can recommend dietary changes.

Best of luck, and please let us know how things are going.