I found a great book on unhealthy parental boundaries
The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life by Dr. Patricia Love
It was copyrighted 1990, so was pretty cheap off Ebay.
I wanted to share that I found this great book dealing with unhealthy parental boundaries (not sexual incest, just unhealthy boundaries). Written by a therapist who provides lots of examples from her own counseling sessions and is written in easy to understand, commen sense language.
I couldn't believe how well written and how much I identified my own situation with others that she identifyed as the 'left-out spouse' and how much 'the chosen child' resembled my SO's situation with his young daughter.
I would encourage anyone dealing with enmeshment, mini-wife syndrome, covert & emotional incest to check this book out!
There are examples of adults seeking therapy trying to figure out what is wrong with them, and discover the way they were treated in childhood plays a major role in their unhappiness. Things like a woman who was treated like a princess by her father when she younger, now has 3 failed marriages- through therapy discovers that she has some narcisistic views of the world because of how she was the center of the universe growing up (a chosen child). The author writes how chosen children often are unaware of anyone's needs because their own wants and needs were all that were important growing up, and continues to shed light by saying when a chosen child marries, they may feel this is a demotion from their previous spotlight- You know how marriages are supposed to be an equal partnership, and all? But not with the chosen child, because they were always treated as if they were better and more important than anyone else.