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SDs and Bedrooms?

SittingPretty's picture

So the last time my SDs were here they kept complaining about having to share a bedroom at our house. They think it’s unfair as they’re the oldest (9 and 11). How do other people handle this? We renovated the basement when our baby was born and built them a big bedroom and rec room down there. It’s the only bedroom big enough in the house to share easily and the other two kids (5,1) are too young to be down there. I don’t think the little kids would mind sharing but I’d have to put them in one of the small upstairs rooms. I also think it would be unfair for the older kids who are basically only here during vacations to have 2 out of 3 of the kid bedrooms. 

My parents didn’t have a lot of money growing up and my brothers shared well into teenagehood so I just felt like telling them to suck it up. One of them was upset because the clothes we buy her aren’t branded (theyre just from regular stores like children’s place) and because her baby sister (who lives here full time) has more clothes than her. Is this just what kids are like nowadays? We try to treat them as similarly as possible but it’s just logical that full time kids need to have more clothes. I’ve been with their dad for 5 years now and this is the first time I’ve ever seen behaviour like this....just entering an entitled bratty tween phase maybe?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Maybe your H could explain to his daughters that life isn't fair, and point out some of the perks they enjoy: two Christmases, two birthday parties,  larger wardrobes because they have clothes at both homes, more presents, etc etc.

elkclan's picture

Just explain the logic. Also explain the logic of babies having more clothes because they mess them up a lot more. Kids will ask for whatever they can. 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

In our house, the two kids closest in age of the same gender share a room.  That is my DD and SD. Last year when we moved, SD tried complaining about it but my DH shut that down. His exact words were life isnt fair, get over it. The truth is that many kids from in tact families share a room until they move out. I wouldnt move around your younger two kids, especially when the older two only visit a few times a year.

I agree with the other poster that your DH should sit down and explain to them.  It would be much more unfair to squish the younger two into a smaller room.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I used to think it was unfair that I had to share a room with my sister, but my brother got a room to himself. I was the oldest and deserved it, by golly!

My parents told me to suck it and explained the logic behind it. I got it, but I didn't like it. My attitude about it only got worse as I got older because I wanted to have my own space and decorate it accordingly.

I think you are well within your rights to explain the logic behind it all. My guess with the 11 year old is that it's somewhat hormone-driven. Her attitude is going to stink as she becomes a teenager, and this is going to be her "dying cause". The sooner this gets nipped in the bud, the better.

Survivingstephell's picture

They are at an age that you can work with critical thinking skill training.  Ask them pointed questions about the situation and see if they have a better solution and  have them figure out why A<B<C won't work.  You could just come down on the whole thing and just say "I'm th parent and pay the bills so we decide, period"  I usually do that to end a conversation that goes around and around with a kid.  Whatever you do, don't give it a second thought or give into it.  You and DH stay the captains of your ship.  

I"d also be curious how their mother is behaving lately.  I always found the skids acted up because BM was "struggling" with reality.  aka Dh moved on and had another family.  

Wants name brand clothes?  Thrift store and consignment is the way to go for name brands.  Otherwise they can suck it up or get a job! LOL  

With my 3 older BDs, now all in their 20's, the more they "suffered" they more motivated they stayed to be achievers.  Handing every little want to them growing up, stunts their ability to launch.  IMO

SittingPretty's picture

I really like your comment about critical thinking. Very interesting, thank you!

SittingPretty's picture

Thanks for all the input here, really helpful!

I forgot to add that they have their own rooms at their mothers house (where they live 90 percent of the time). So I do feel that the younger two should have the same privilege....that was something that I explained, but it definitely wasn’t accepted! 

 

My other option would be to put YSD in with my older girl (9 and 5). I think that 5 and 1 is quite a big age gap to successfully share, and naps etc would become an issue. Maybe that would be fairer but YSD would probably hate it. They get on, but it’s a big age gap again and bedtimes are quite different. 

elkclan's picture

If the bedroom is big, can you do some re-arranging so that it feels a bit more like they each have their own space?

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

^ This, what I'm considering for the skids too is beds with curtains around them, they still share a room, but it'll give them their own sense of privacy too. We only have two bedrooms, so it's not like they have much of a choice but to share. lol

justmakingthebest's picture

Honestly with 2 girls that are that close in age- I would have them share a room anyway! Even if I had an extra bedroom. I would do this with my bio's in a heart beat if they were the same sex. It really doesn't matter what they want. You guys do what will functionally work for your family. This is where the whole COD thing gets in my crawl. The fact is your house is the size that it is. You are doing to logical thing that makes sense. The girls need to get over it.

disrestep's picture

Yes, is appears to me they are in the self-entitled, it's all about me, tween-preteen years. Such fun for you I doubt.

they are only at your home 10% of the time. They do not live at your home. They have their own space at their home they share with their mother. 

No way do they need extra accommodations in your home. It sounds like your DH and you have done enough to accommodate their selfish behavior. There are so many people on earth who don't even have a blanket to sleep on. Perhaps a trip to a third world country would benefit these brats.

I cannot believe people actually think these kids need luxury accommodations at a place they don't even live at. It doesn't make sense. Your own children should not have to sacrifice anything.

good luck going forward.

ESMOD's picture

This should not be too difficult for their father to explain to them.  The younger kids need to be upstairs near their parents and are at the house 365 days a year.  They have all the clothing and possessions they own in one home.  The SDs have their own room at their mothers and most of their clothing and posessions at that house because that is where they spend 90% of their time.  At this house, they are sharing a bedroom but have a 2nd room that they can play in and use to hang out.... so they actually still have two rooms. (honestly, if the rooms adjoin.. I would not have a huge issue moving one of the beds into the rec room as long as the door between them is never locked.. in fact I might remove it and replace with a curtain.  Yeah.. not code but plenty of people do things like this without problems)  Sure, they don't have as much clothing at this house because they don't spend as many days here.. so don't need it.  Do they realize that daddy gives mommy money so that she can buy them clothes that stay at mommy's house?  They have a mommy and a daddy who buy them things.. so do his other kids...it's just that their stuff is at one house while the older girls stuff is at two different houses.

I guess you could also look at buying room partitions of some sort to give each girl their own space too..

Rags's picture

Bedrooms are alocated and managed to best accomodate the full time residents of the home.  Kids on visitation or any other transient residents are accomodated in the manner that least disrupts the full time residents. Regardless of the biology of the non full time resident/transient individual(s).

Keep it simple.  The whining is irrelevent, the bitching is irrelevent, the "reasons" and arguments are irrelevent and for damned sure their feelings are irrelvent.  Visitation kids go where they can be fit.  PERIOD! 

When my SS used to visit the SpermIdiot he would often be wedged under a dining room table, on the LR floor, etc.... to make the rooms available for the non related spawn of the SpermIdiot's serial breeding prior relationship spawnign partner of the month.  We took exception to that for many reasons.  The house was a toxic waste dump and sleeping on the floor was hazardous to the kid's health.  The spawn of the resident breeding whore of the month would often attack the Skid and on one occassion threw him out of a second story window when he was ~5yo.  Fortunately there was a bush below that broke  his fall.  Infuriatingly the idiot in the stupid black robe and Fischer-Price wooden hammer found nothing wrong with forcing exposure of the Skid with this toxic clan and would not end their visitation.  He did stipulate that SS had to stay with SpermGrandHag which is who he stayed with 99% of visitation time anyway. 

I am 6yrs the elder and my younger brother and I shared a room until I was 14yrs old.  It caused no issues.  My youngest brother was 8yrs younger than I and all three of us likely would have shared a room for a few years if he hadn't passed away at 10mos old.