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Kid can't seem to catch on....

Gingermint's picture

SD10 is just a mess on wheels. She is dirty. Doesn’t brush hair or teeth, doesn’t shower. We just found out that she doesn’t do any of these things at her moms (50/50) so sometimes she doesn’t do it FOR A WEEK. Her teeth are crusty with plaque and her hair is always stringy. Her nails are alwayS black underneath. We picked her up from school and she had a huge huuuuuge mustard stain on the front of her hoody— we suspect she picked up clothes from her moms dirty hamper, but either way she had no idea she was filthy. How the hell do you send your kid to school so filthy? And 10 is too old to make mistakes like that.... I’ve tried buying her special personal care products, toothpaste, body washes, hair products to no avail. I’m worried when she gets her period she is gonna be the stinky kid in school and kids will bully her.

Her newest gig is when she doesn’t wanna eat her food she will barf. She barfed at the table the last 2 times we took her to nice restaurants, and she can’t explain why, she just barfs right there. WTF!!!! She will blurt out what she wants to eat anywhere we go and then it just sits on her plate. Her baby sister (2) eats more than her. She asks for so much  food and it goes to waste.

She is a LIAR; she lies about if she’s bathed, or watever, and she’s constantly making up illnesses for attention. Stomach bug, headaches, earaches, whatever. Once we start suggesting going to the DR it magically stops. She lies about things so she can get her way. She’s so manipulative it’s incredible.

The drop that spilled the glass was last weekend, she was told to shower and take her sis with (in diapers) and when I went to brush my teeth before bed, the bathroom floor was soaked, soaked towels and clothes everywhere, and a DIRTY DIAPER left on the floor!!!! The trash is 2 f***ing ft away!!!

I told my man, I can’t deal with this kid, and her trashy mom which doesn’t give a shit about their kids behavior. We’ve been working on it for about 6 months, but I think if things don’t improve in the next 12 months, we won’t be able to move forward. I am a neat, clean, organized, socially aware and polite young adult with no kids or (imo) bad habits like lying or smelling like shit, interupting, cursing, or barfing at the dinner table for that matter. My parents were strict and didn’t fall for my bullshit (I couldn’t negotiate or argue, i could go cry in my room all i wanted without disturbing the rest of the family) and I had to ask to order food at restaurants, and if I didn’t wanna shower my mom would put me in there and start the cold water. I had chores and good grades, it was what was expected of me....................... I don't know how to help her improve.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

did you ask a 10 year old who is a reluctant bather to care for the bathing of your diapered toddler? IMO that's not her responsibility. 

Gingermint's picture

This is what they have done during the small kids entire life (not my kids so not really my call) and i still think a 9 yr old can put a pee diaper in the trash. I’ve seen her do it before. its trash, FFS.

Rags's picture

Sure you know how to help her improve.  Your mother provided you with a map.  Follow that map.

Keep it simple.  Do what your mother did with you.

Lather, rinse repeat..... figuratively and literally.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Sorry, but your skid is probably already the stinky kid.

You blame the BM, but the BD is just as responsible for teaching his daughter good personal hygiene. He needs to explain his expectations, teach her how to clean her body properly, and hold her accountable. There's no excuse for a child leaving for school in dirty clothes; an adult should tell her to change into something clean and appropriate.

Gingermint's picture

When she is over, we have to stay on her to remember to do basic hygiene things— it’s depressing when we pick her up from moms and she looks like a homeless kid. I agree with “there’s no excuse”, but we can only control what happens over at our house. BM has had several warnings to get her home and kids clean.... but she’s nasty and trashy herself and I don’t think that’s gonna change. And like I said, SD lies about having done these things, which frankly infuriates the f*** our of her dad and I.

SD has to have a chart that tracks simple things like baths, brush teeth, brush hair, is this normal for a 9 yr old? Honest question.

Cover1W's picture

The SDs were 7 and 9 when I met them...long story short no one taught them basic hygeine.  They didn't brush teeth, bathe, know how to wash hands or face, how to use shampoo, know how to clip their nails, etc, etc.  So I worked with them.  Taught them how.  SD9 never caught on and was resentful of everything - to this day, at 14, she still doesn't brush her teeth, wears filthy underwear and socks, does not wash her clothes or sheets.  She does shower more often, but not enough.  Her BO has made me literally gag before. 

However, success with SD12.  She learned, she's really good now.  She also is starting to shower more regularly on her own.

I made sure teeth were brushed (in bathroom with them), helped them learn how to do laundry, yes we had "chore charts" in which teeth brushing, pajama wearing, laundry basked using was on it.  The basics.

DH was NO help - in fact, he supported older SD when she was about 10/11 in that she didn't want to do the chore chart stuff any longer because it "took too long."  So I disengaged.  So be careful about how far you can push it. If SD is resentful of you and your DH doesn't back you up you will not succeed. If not, then do not go with her if she's dirty, do not be in a car with her if she smells, do not go out to restaurants with her - seriously not, do not do her laundry.  Make sure common areas in the house are clean and that's it. If her room has rotten food or is in threat of infestation, then trash bag all of it that is out of place. 

Gingermint's picture

Thank you for the last paragraph of advice..... I don't have bio kids so I don't know how to parent, so I get frustrated because I just have anger..... It's hard to let go when you see things that are wrong, especially with children. But I will definitely try that Smile