Where are you that you're seeing preggo pictures of BM? Or that you're seeing pictures of THEM bringing the kids home... Those shouldn't be left out in the home... And frankly if your DH is so absorbed in that, I'd be concerned.

Ignore what everyone is saying. Yes she will be your daughter's older sister, BUT you have to remember, you're the one raising her, she's not gonna be a carbon copy of her sister, even kids that are raised the same still develop completley differently from each other.

It's not necesarily you feeling jealous, I think it's the fear of the memories that your DH already has, and I totally get that. I have those moments. Or those times where I want a house and someone goes off about when they did, and it gets frustrating as heck! But your daughter is going to be a completley different being, she is something unique and special, and if your husband has any sense he's going to be super excited about everything, and in the moment he'll make sure it doesn't feel anything like being second fiddle!

I understand the resentment to debt... The "lovely" BM in our lives has left us with a mortgage payment of her debt, lost all our tax returns, and as a result we're stuck living with his parents... Which is fine temporarily, but we were blindsided and most of these got defaulted on, or the car repossesed (that she got in his name naturally) after we werre married. It sucks! The finances are a struggle, and it peeves me that most of their marriage BM got to sit around on her a$$, while I'm stuck living with my in-laws even though I'm working full time. I'd never sit around, but I do want us to have our own place and it's been a struggle to not be able to accomplish that. They were fine financially, except the fact she was spending him into oblivion while he was deployed.

I think you should sell the home, having a different address, a different home, and a different adventure would be good for you both I think. Plus getting yourselves a little more financially secure would help set a lot of those worries at ease as well. A new home, a new baby, some better off finances, that's going to be a totally new adventure you two have together!

If all else fails, remember YOU are the WIFE. She's an ex, and means nothing beyond having to co-parent. What they may or may not have had doesn't matter, focus on building your own home and on your daughter coming into your lives. I also suggest talking to your DH about how you're feeling, it may help make him more sensitive to what you need!

I know I haven't been pregnant, but your DH shouldn't be letting you feel like second fiddle. You're an amazing person he chose to marry, and your daughter is going to be just as unique and special and you and even your relationship with your DH!

I'm so sorry you are having to put up with all this. Families often react in inconsiderate ways to pregnancy and because you are in a vulnerable place for the reasons you have outlined, then you may make more of these remarks that you may otherwise have done. Pregnancy makes us both vulnerable and powerful- welcome to that crazy hormone world! I think you should always, and everytime, put yourself and your baby first. defend your daughter in ways that they will realise that your baby will be a unique individual, separate from her half-sister.

Then try to put the finanacial concerns aside- your baby needs you to be relaxed and calm and babies don't care about bills or taxes- they only care about being loved by mummy and daddy.

His past will always be there, of course, but it needn't harm your future unless you let it. 

I hope you find some peace in all this, and start to enjoy the pregnancy you longed for. Don't let them spoil it!

I felt the exact way you did. DH has a 9 year old son with his ex and we have an 18-month-old together and one on the way. I have some tips and reassurances for you.

Re: pictures/social media. Please unfriend/block anyone who is friends with BM. This includes in-laws. Block BM too.

Re: comparing your skid with your own child. I too was afraid that DH had been there, done that, but when DS came along, it was very clear that he was a unique combo of me and DH. Not like skid at all. DH adores our toddler and our little family makes him happier than BM ever did. Keep in mind that he married YOU after having a bad experience with someone else. That takes guts and that shows how much he loves you. You say that your DH is wonderful, so most of these insecurities come from the unknown and fear. Rest easy that your child will be just as important to your DH>

Re: finances. Yes, things would be easier if there were no child support, but keep in mind that it's temporary. You may be in a tough spot now, but things will ease up over time. As far as working, honestly, I'm happy to be able to work. You go crazy with a baby or toddler at home all day! It's really tough! Plus, keep in mind that your baby will have the benefit of two married parents who live together and with her. That's absolutely priceless. So while your skid may have more material things, that doesn't mean a thing. My skid has a lot of material items, but he's not a happy kid. My child won't have as much, but he sees his parents together everyday. 

Re: your DH's family. Your skid and your child have two different mothers. The mini skid comments are garbage. Your DH should tell them to be a bit more sensitive, OR you can make comments back to them like "well, they DO have different mothers."

I know you're pregnant and hormonal, but take it from someone who was in your shoes not to long ago. These things will fade into the background. 

Oh, and I agree with Probaby above about moving into a new house for a fresh start for both of you.

Best of luck and enjoy that new baby! You have a supportive husband- that's 99% of the battle won.

First of all DO NOT WORRY that your daughter will be a mini-me of your SD.  I have a friend who had 3 daughters in an intact marriage.  OMG - those 3 could not be more different.  And that's with the same parents in one home.  Those girls are all now long grown.  Still as different as can be.

Second - your daughter may have less financial resources when she is small, but things will get better long-term.  They always do.  Plus your daughter will have a home with 2 parents together - that's worth more than money.

Thirty+ years ago (I am old) I was just almost destitute.  I'd lost my high paying job and was left with a house payment that was only $300 less than my take home income from the only job I could find. I couldn't sell my home as home values had crashed and the value of the home had halved. (Texas oil collapse in the 80s) My credit cards were maxed out.  I was dying.  My BFF and her DH were also living hand to mouth.   None of us had an extra dollar to spend - seriously.

Now many decades later.  I am retired (with a great DH) and have no real money issues.  While we are not wealthy we can do pretty much what we want.  I recently went to the wedding of my friend's daughter (I am her godmother).  They now live in a beautiful home and had a really lovely wedding for their daughter that must have cost a lot of money.  And they are not the type to go into debt.  So let me give you some hope that even if you are horrible in debt and living paycheck to paycheck it is possible to have a happy ending long-term.

None of us won the lottery or ended up working for a company with off the wall stock options.  I certainly didn't marry into money.  My DH had virtually nothing when we married.  We all just worked hard and kept plugging on.

The good news is you already know a lot of this is in your head so you can chase it out! This stuff is just noise! That feeling that none of this is new for your husband -- noise! (It's his first baby with you!) That feeling that you need to make up for how you acted when trying to conceive -- noise! (It's history!) That feeling that of dread when the registries turn up with his old life -- noise! (Now you've set the record straight and it won't happen again!)

And really? A fertility goddess? How special do you think that fertility goddess feels now that her marriage erupted and her husband is married to someone else and her kid is being raised part-time by another woman? Divorce is not a success story. And honestly, any loser out there (well, most of 'em) can reproduce. Fertility is not a competition. It's a biological function, and the worst parents in the world managed it. The real race is how well you parent. Keeping your marriage together is part of parenting, so focus on that and stop looking at social media ancient history.

You control the noise in your head, so start pushing that noise down as soon as you hear it. It's your mind and only you can let that negative stuff in. But in fairness, remember how hormonal you are -- you're creating a life, for god's sake! That's hard work! But it's still your mind, so it's up to you to get busy or negate that noise when it enters your mind. You can do it -- as easily as those thoughts creep in, push them back because that stuff is not real. It's a twisting you're allowing of the facts, so stop it!

And besides, you're creating a human! Only give that girl good thoughts because she's counting on you to stay stress-free and positive so she has the best chance in life. Remember how desperately you wanted to conceive? You did it! Enjoy that and use it to push out the negative stuff. Everything's going to be alright.

On that "mini ***" stuff, I think there are a lot of women out there (I'm one) who would not like being called a mini version of their mothers. Your poor SD is being referred to as someone who her father divorced! And I do think it's disrespectful to you for them to constantly bring up the ex's name, even in reference to SD. If you like SD, you're ahead of most of us, so maybe defend her -- gently -- to send a slight message. When they call her "mini-***," what if you said, "I don't know! This girl has an independent mind and she's going to blaze her own great trail!" or something positive like that -- assert that SD isn't just her mother's daughter...she's going to be her own independent spirit. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, but it might make them see SD in a new light -- and since they aren't calling her that in a malicious way, they might drop it. If that doesn't work, pick the family member you most like and just ask them if they could reduce the references to BM because you want SD to really feel like part of your family when she's with you -- not an extension of a divorce. If you don't feel comfortable saying it, ask your husband to gently say it. After all, he probably doesn't love being reminded of his ex either, especially if his SD really does take after the woman he couldn't stand to be married to! It's important for the extended family to move on from that marriage too and bringing up her name all the time just stalls them in the past.

I feel like a lot of this stuff will melt away once your poor body can focus just on you again. You have no idea how much your body is doing right now! I mean...imagine it! Yea, finances are a concern for many people. You're in a hole, but you cut costs and enjoy the free stuff: a SD you actually like, a new daughter who will be your joy, a marriage that really is a first because it's the first with YOU. Cut out getting your nails done, trips to the hairdresser, cable if you can stand to, maybe trade-in a newer car for a reliable older model that isn't a gas guzzler. Consider using reusable diapers (huge cost cut here and better for baby's bottom) -- it's a big movement now. Do the math on the daycare/nanny option: how much will you really save if you work full time? Maybe part-time would be more profitable and you'd get more time with your baby. Do the math.

I think you're in a slump because your body is working overtime and you're overwhelmed at these negatives thoughts. If you aren't turning them into a bestselling book, they are wasting your energy and supplanting your joy. Try to fight them and if you can't, think about taking a bigger step to reducing them: a support group, talking with other pregnant ladies, a therapist, or talking to your doctor. But it still sounds manageable, so go make that baby in good spirits!

How far along are you?? I’ve been where you are I had fertility issues as well but wound up having 2 children with no aids of medication. I went through tons of testing as well. I can only say I did exactly what you did and constantly worried. My in laws did the same thing but different. It was more about her being a big sister then me being a first time mom. After my first was born it was all about giving SD extra special attention. 4 years later she’s still getting it. Please try to stay calm and try not to think about them. Focus on you, the baby and start surrounding yourself with people that can help you celebrate your first experience. Going through infertility and a miscarriage is taxing for any woman but to experience that and be in blended family makes it 100 times worse. Take care of you and your baby. Don’t worry about stupid in laws. I want to share something with you. When I was pregnant with my second we went out to eat with my in laws. Me, H, my son and stepdaughter. They were going on and on about how SD was going to be big sister again and didn’t even acknowledge that my son was going to be a big brother. It was all about her. Less and less I respect these people.