I have tried to take a HUGE step backwards on dealing with SD, age 15.  She is in a group home now (long story).  She calls DH to constantly complain.  If things are going great that day...she doesn't call. She LOVES to pull on his heart strings. She tells him that she only had a hamburger and fruit cup for dinner.  She is overweight and it isn't killing her to eat just a hamburger and a fruit cup.  She is being fed but DH is about to have a spasm attack.  He doesn't think she is eating enough.    She didn't call him on his birthday which upset him.  She did give a great drama production the next day when she called.  I was sitting next to him and  was trying my best to get away when I found out it was her on the phone.  He told her that she didn't call on his birthday and was she ok.  She could have won an emmy award.  "Oh, you are my father, and I didn't call you on your birthday.  What type of daughter forgets her dad's birthday.  Oh, dad I am SOOOO SORRRY."   I was out of the room after that. She gave such a great performance that he was grinning from ear to ear.  She is trying her best to get out of this group home.  It isn't working so far.  DH can't make the decision and BM is sticking to her guns for now.  We will see how long that last.

Back to the cell phone.  SD stole BM's credit card and bought herself a cell phone.  SD refuses to give it back to BM.   When SD was going to the group home, DH went as well.  SD rode in the car with DH on the way there.   She gave him her cell phone to hold until she gets out.  DH knows that the phone was bought with stolen money and that  BM wants the phone.  DH doesn't want to hurt SD's feelings by giving the phone back to BM.  SD trusted DH to hold on to the phone for him and it would be violating her trust if he told BM that he has the cell phone.  Personally, I think DH should have made SD give the phone back to BM.   SD doesn't need a cell phone.  SD isn't responsible enough to handle it.  

SD called again and stated that she had counseling with BM.  DH asked her how the counseling went.  SD says Mom mentioned the cell phone again.  I try to leave the room and dh puts the phone on speaker.  I can still hear the conversation until I make my way down stairs.  SD tells the counselor that she had to buy the phone because BM NEVER let SD use her cell phone to call her dad.  That is such a lie.   I can't tell you how many times BM left her cell phone with SD while she was home by herself and she could have called DH but she didn't. She gives DH the sad sob story of how she had to steal the money to buy a cell phone so she could talk to him.   SD ask DH which phone did she call him the most her phone or her mom's phone.  DH says sd's phone.  That is such a lie. I was so angry my head was spinning.  SD has called him TWICE...she wanted something both times.  SD did a great job of getting him to say her phone. She had planned the conversation and she needed him to agree.  DH really thinks that SD doesn't call because BM will not let her.  SD has used BM's phone to take multiple naked pictures of herself, text multiple guys, used it for social media BUT she can't use it to call her dad.  BM's phone has been taken by the police twice because of SD's inappropriate use but she didn't call her dad during the year she was sending naked pictures to multiple child molesters.

SD was making sure that dear dad kept her cell phone safe from the evil BM.  BM told SD that she was going to ask DH for the phone.  SD had to make sure that DADDDDYYY was on her side.  SD new that she only had to convince dear ole dad was to tell him that she stole the phone to talk ot him.   It was manipulation at its best.

It is just so frustrating to me that he feels the only way he can get his daughter to love him is to help her conceal a stolen cell phone.  Of course, he doesn't see it as that. He sees it as BM being really MEAN to SD. After all, it is only BM's money she is stealing.  It isn't like she is stealing from anyone else.  I keep trying to tell him stealing is stealing.  If you have no problem stealing from your own Mother, you will steal from anyone.  

SD calls him more now that she is in the group home.  She needs to keep him on her side and doesn't  want him to tag team with BM.  Once SD is out of the group home, 30 more days, she will stop calling DH.  I can't wait.  I am so tired of all this drama.