Checking Digital Devices
Over the past year we have noticed a change in BD attitude. She has this major lack of happiness and she seems to be struggling more socially and withdrawing into herself more as well. If we dont sorta force her to interact when we have her, she will spend all her time reading books or watching television. If we plan fun activties or trips she drags her feet and mopes most of the time. PLUS, she went from a 3.5 gpa student to a 2.25 student and continuing to drop lower.
Awhile ago she and her mom cooked up a scene and she refused to come to our house like she was scheduled to for the weekend. They said she was too afraid to come home. We allowed her to stay the first night there, but her Dad picked her up the next day and spent hours just talking with her. Later, we all talked as a family about what her biggest issues were and she told us she hates how we handle her grades, she dislikes that we think she is lieing all the time (i will get to that later) and how we dont always believe she is sick and misses school (BD has a long history of faking sick to miss school, so much so her bio mom actually has her other child verify temp and symptons before she can be called in) she feels we dont get her sense of style because I guess 1 time I wouldnt let her buy a crop top and a pair of 90 dollar jeans. She also felt we pushed her too hard to get over her fear of food and textures We ended up talking in length about how we will reshape some parenting to make her feel better. It seemed like for the first few weeks afterwards that things were better, but genuine happiness still wasnt present.
After our talk, we no longer force her to do the homework, she knows that is our wish, but she knows we are not forcing her. But we will check up on her grades and discuss and try and get her to see the path she is on is not the path that will get her to ultimate goal in her dream career path. Recently we discovered she has over 15+ missing assignments and is now at 2.0 gpa. She swears up and down that all the assingments were turned in. Nowing that she wants us to belive her, we asked her how we can help. Can we talk to the teachers, can we set up meetings, get an appointment with the guidance councler and etc. It was decided she would send her teachers emails asking them when they will have her work graded and that by not having them graded it is affecting her grade. WE stressed and stressed that she was to not send anything untruthful; that she better make sure its factial and truthful. She sent the emails... as I am sure you can guess, she was lieing. Big time! And after getting caught, she kept lieing. Trying to dig herself out of it. Then lied again about that. It is endless.
Fast forward, the otherweeked I could not sleep well. The stress of why is she lieing so much, how can we get a hold of it and stop it, how can get her happiness back, what the hell is really going on, and just all around very scared we are missing something big that could be dangerous, I peaked into her digital device. I didnt discover much, pretty much what we suspected that was going on. She is not telling the truth in almost all everything that comes up. I was realived to see that although she might be a little depressed and maybe she is having some anxiety, she was not in danger of hurting herself. Not to say she couldnt use counceling but I was really scared we were missing something bad. I dont know if she woke up and saw me, although i am pretty certain she was asleep we get a very angry text from her biomom in vulgar language why i was going through her phone.
I dont feel bad I did it. I do feel bad I may of put my husband in an terrible spot, so how do we deal with this? Do I say I'm sorry, I made a terrible decision or do we stay quiet and let it blow over, or do I step in just explain it all. She wont believe me so I feel like i would wasting my breath.