Am I being unfair? Advice needed please ...
The back story is that FDH and I were planning to move in together at the begining of this year. We ended up putting it on hold because my daughter was diagnosed with learning disabilities and her school is currently investigating to see if she can get extra aid to boost her learning (a statement of special educational needs). This process takes around 6months. Once she has this I can change schools and she will bring it with her, but if I change her school before, they will have to start again and it could take a lot longer than 6 months because the new school would have to start from scratch assessing her needs etc.
This, while frustrating because we want to move, turned out to actually be a blessing because we have had more time to save up some money and sort out our lives ready to move.
HOWEVER... yesterday FDH got a call from his landlord saying that they want the house back and so he has until 1st August to move out.
We have decided that we might as well find a place together, but I will stay where I am and move in when the statement comes through. My daughter and I will stay in "our" house at weekends etc in the mean time.
Sounds all straight forward. But he said that he wants to start having the SKIDS stay over night at weekends, and if we are close enough to their school, some week nights too. Up until now hes not been able to have them over night because BM wouldnt allow them to sleep over in his house share. She has said that once we move in together they will be allowed over night stays.
She is notoriously changable and so may not stick to this agreement, so I want it in writing and fully agreed and a routine decided between all of us as to how often they should stay etc. I said to him that I think that until my daughter and I move in perminantly, he should stick to the routine they are already in. Partly because I want a say in how often they can stay and I dont want them to think its just their dads house - it will be OUR family home, and also because we need to get settled, unpacked, and sort out their sleeping arrangements too before changing their (and our) whole routine around.
He said that as he's not had a whole 24 hours with them for over two years, he is not happy about what I have said and he wants to have them for overnights as soon as he's in the house.
I think that what I am saying makes sense and is sensible, but then I can say that as I have no emotional attachment to these children and I've never been separated from my child to know how he feels about this.
Am I being unfair? Or should I stick to my guns on this one?? I really want this all to be done properly, and organised not a shambles of boxes and brats running around!!!
Opinions please !!! Thank you x