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Jealousy between half-siblings

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 6:38pm

SD16 has the worst Jealousy issues with DH & my BS9 (we are custodial). To a lesser degree she also has jealousy issues with her half-siblings on BM’s side, but she only spends part of the summer and holidays there. She is nasty, gives him attitude, refuses to speak to him or yells at him for no reason. For example, at breakfast yesterday, BS9 asked SD if she wanted syrup for her French toast. She blasts him saying I’ll eat my food the way I want to eat it. Fortunately, we co-parent both children. We have tried time outs, taking favored items, sending her to her room if she cannot be civil, yelling at her, talking to her, having her grandparents talk to her and even therapy. Nothing seems to have worked thus far. We are at wits end trying to make her see her jealously only makes things worse for her & often makes people overcompensate by giving him extra attention, because they feel bad for the way she treats him. Surely some of you have this problem. Any ideas?

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Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 8:14pm

Good ideas! I have the same issues with ss13 being jealous of bs4 so I looked on here to see what others will say. That going to bed early would work here too because staying up and watching tv is ALL there is for ss to do at our house. I also like that you take your bio out but not skid as a punishment. I'll have ss all summer along with my 3 bios so both tactics will work for me. Thanks!

To op- There is one tactic I read about but idk if your sd would be too old or not. As far as the disrespectful tone and replies towards your bio- tell sd she is being rude and disrespectful and that she needs to learn to reply nicely. So in order for her to learn to be nicer she has to 'practice' replying nicely to her younger brother so many times in a row. Then make her do it right then 10x (or more) to practice being nice. Each and every time she replies rudely to someone she does this. Like I said, may not work since she's older but you could try. If she refuses then you take something away instead. So she has a choice- to repeat the same sentence repeatedly or get grounded from something. Her choice.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 8:08pm

SS13 has always had jealousy issues with my bios 9, 11,and 13. We were custodial from ages 1-9, and from 9-13 he has lived with bm. It didnt seem to matter where he lives he still has issus with my kids. Basically he feels they deserve nothing while he deserves special treatment and recognition. I remember when he was 9-he asked me to "help" him with his homework. Which I so kindly did-i read the question to him, explained it, and gave examples. Which pissed him off because I wouldnt give him the answer. Which by the way I helped the kid Every single stinking night with his homework because he would not do it independently. I never helped my bios because they did do it independently. On this particular night my dd who is the same age-asked me about a question. She said I am not sure about this one. My response was, "what do you think it is" Her response was "c" and I said "I think you are right". My ss had a meltdown, total meltdown. Started screaming at me-said "how dare you give her the answers and not me!!" I wont even tell you how I responded.

Just one example but this has been consistent over his whole life. He makes up random things to try and get them in trouble. He talks to them the same way your sd talks to your bs in your example. He steals from them, annoys them, and devised a murder plot toward my son.

How did we stop it? We didnt' really. We cant change how he feels inside. Natural consequences have occurred. My kids dont like being around him and truthfully would be ok if they never saw them again although I must say they have tried very hard to be kind and patient with him. I no longer want him in my home at all and my dh will be visiting him outside the house. Perhaps if my dh wouldhve been harder on him, we wouldnt be where we are now. I dont know though? He got reprimanded, at times sent to his room, had things taken from him, etc-but honestly I dont think it was enough nor was it consistent enough.

I am not sure he has the same issues at bm's. He seems to be ok with his older sister who is 15, but seems to have some difficulty with his brother who is 9. He has mentioned to us the material things that his brother has and I know they fight alot and i know that ss has gotten into trouble for being aggressive with his little brother.