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Pregnancy Dementia? (OT)

Thetis's picture

Well I never thought that being pregnant could bring such a crazy change in everything about me. I'm so emotional right now and I don't know what to do. My mom is away visiting her sisters and my best friend, well she does not think that DH is good enough for me, so she's hard to talk to. So here it is, the things that have me wondering if maybe we are not right for eachother.

When I'm sick or just plan tired, why is it that he can not stand to just lay with me. Let me know he's there and he cares?
Why is it that runnning up town for me is such a terrible thing for him to do when I have heard the stories of him running up town in the middle of the night for her, when she had a craving even though he had to work the next day.
Why is it so hard for him to help around the house without complaining?
Why isn't anything I do good enough? Why isn't anything I give enough?

I just feel so neglected, even though I have seen him trying to help. Its like he does all the right things at the wrong times. Sometimes I just want him to be next to me, and thats when he decides to do the laundry or the dishes. Sometimes I just want to see the house alittle cleaner, and thats when he wants to groupe me, or just sit around. When I want to play our computer games together, he wants to watch movies. When I want to watch movies he just wants to sit on the computer. WTF? Why can't anything work? Why do I feel like I'm always alone? The idea of leaving him leaves me with a hole in my chest that aches worse then a bad toothache, but I'm tired of explaining to him what I need.

And now, he thinks maybe he should just give up on trying to get the munchkin back. I'm almost ready to agree with him. He drives me insane when he is responsible for her, he can't do dishes and cook at the same time. He can't watch a movie with her and tidy up or do laundry. He lets everything go until he has no timie for me, or himself. I just don't understand how everything seems so hard to him. Shouldn't love be easy? Or at least easier? Pregnancy is supposed to be this enchanting wonderful time. We have created a life together. Thats a miracle. But it feels like he just doesn't have the capacity to do all that needs to be done.

Am I just crazy? Please tell me these feelings will go away!


Kb3Hooah's picture

Hey Thetis Smile First of all, I wanna give you a big (((HUG))).

How are you vocalizing your wants/needs? Do you say "Hey honey, I would really like it if you came to lay down and relax with me, I could really use that right now" Or do you say "Why can't you just lay down and relax with me?"

It is basically saying the same thing to us.....but not to Men. To Men, the second is basically saying that they can do no right, and why even try. I had to watch this with myself, as I have caught myself doing this to BF many a times.

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Thetis's picture

I start off saying "Hey lets go lay down and watch a movie, I'm not feeling good."
Then he says "I don't really feel like it right now. Why don't you sit up with me?"
And I say "I'm not feeling good and I need to lay down."
Then he says "Well I don't want to"
Then I say (hurt) "Fine I'll just go lay down alone again"

This is the conversation almost every night. It makes me feel like hanging out with me is some inconvience because he "doesn't want to"
Like he tries to say that its not that he doesn't want to hang out with me, but he doesn't want to do anything I feel capable of at that time. When I have a pounding headache, which the doctor says is stress but I think it could have something to do with blood sugar because it usually happens in the morning and at night when I haven't eaten much, I can't sit on the computer. It makes me feel worse staring at the screen. But he doesn't get it. I'll usually fall asleep in like 30 mins anyways and then he could go do whatever. However that 30mins seems to be too much to ask. There has been times where I would tell him I'm going to bed, then he'll say that he'll be in as soon as he's done this little run on the computer. This is usually around 9pm (my new bedtime). Then I fall asleep waiting for him, only to be woken up around 1am when he finally comes to bed. It just makes me feel like I don't matter.

Bradybunchmom's picture

I kind of had the same problems when I was pregnant with our first baby together, but both of our 4th baby. He felt like, both of us had already done this before, and we knew what we were doing. There was no need to make a big deal out of it. But I felt like this was our first time together and I wanted it to be special. I think in general men think about it differently than we do. But also my Fiance was having a rough time about it for some reason. It wasn't that he didn't want to be a father with me, just that there was already so much on our plates that he felt overwhelemed. As soon as she was born though he has been great with her. And he was there for me when I needed him in the delivery room so I can't really complain.

Thetis's picture

lol good so theres only another 27 weeks left before he pays any attention to me again.... Sad

Bradybunchmom's picture

lol, sorry! Was trying to help I swear! lol. My fiance and I fought a lot when I was pregnant, I ended up realizing I had to enjoy the pregnancy as much as I could for myself, because he was seriously having issues. Try pampering yourself in some way. Being pregnant is a blessing. Maybe hang out with some girlfriends?

I guess in my experience the more I brought it up to him the more irrate he got, and the more issues it caused. But when I just relaxed and enjoyed myself, I wasn't on edge as much and we hung out more. He might not even realize he is making you feel like he is distant, so everytime it is approached he feels like he has to defend himself. Defintely try having a discussion with him, but you may have to actually back off a bit because if he feels attacked its only going to make the issue persist. It's very hard with all those pregnancy emotions going through you, that seemed worse for me when there were step kids involved then ever before.

As far as being jealous about the times he went out for the ex for cravings...I went through that too. I was absolutely convinced he cared more about the ex when she was pregnant then he did for me. I was sure that he did more things with her and for her than he did for me. And I was even sure that he cared more about his other three kids than he did about mine and his. i even got mad at him for recording his first childs birth but not mine, when I was the one that said no cameras lol. Those are probably normal feelings. He eventually sat me down and reminded me that he is who he is, and was absolutely the same every time no matter what stories the ex told, or what ideas I had in my head.

Do you guys have a name picked out? That was one thing I could get fiance to do with me no-fail was lay around picking on names. Come up with the weirdest things you can think of and ask seriously if he likes them.

Thetis's picture

lol I'm SOL if thats the only thing guys want to be involved in. We had our names picked (then repicked) 6 months before this bun even started baking. Idk. I have been reading alot of stuff online today and I guess its pretty normal to completely lose yourself and antagonize the man when you're at the stage I'm at.
It still seems soo real. I'm just going crazy I'm sure. I cried watching Red Dragon (the prequel to the Hannible movies) the other night. I just want my brain back! The baby can have my body, just give me my brain back!!!

Bradybunchmom's picture

Plus the reality of it is, guys just aren't as excited about it as we are, they aren't as personally involved with the baby until its actually born.

Thetis's picture

Aww, I'm going to make sure to leave this window open so DH can read this.... and maybe take a hint!

Bradybunchmom's picture

Yup it's pretty normal. I hate the out of control feeling i got when I was pregnant. I could cry over ANYthing. And our poor guys just don't understand it, and try to stay out of the firing range I think lol.

stepmom2one's picture

First of all, the second guessing of yourself and relationship is totally normal. I am pregnant with number 3, this is the first pregnancy that I have not felt that way!

But about him not doing the things for you than her....he was afraid of her? he would do anything to get her to shut up? and he probably vowed to himself that he will never let a woman do that to him again (force him to do what he doesn't want to).

My family likes my H but doesn't feel we are "right" for each other--we are so different. So I have to watch what I say to them too. I do have one sister that I can tell anything to, find that one person (or use us!) it will help you so much.

The day after the baby is born you will feel completely different.