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Boundary thoughts....

Jon-Boy's picture

Some of you know the situation, some don't. I will try not to go into to much recap of the whole thing.

But about a month ago after dealing with my wife's ex husband trying to intimidate us.
I hashed it out with him and this failed to no progress. So I put down the new rules for Dick Head.
Told him to stay off my property. Drop the kid off at the curb.

And since that day he magically has been able to drop off the son at school and avoid the whole new rule I placed.
Well last night he had no choice but to bring him home to us.
And he called to verify that BM was home.
After he was out in front of our house. And needless to say both of our cars are in the driveway.
He still is trying to push the control over her to make sure at some point she "HAS" to tell him, she is home for her son. and wants to see her at the door.
Well ...

I think I will tell him to stop calling to verify if she is home when her car is in the driveway.
There is an agreement for the drop off time. There is no reason for the RE VERIFICATION or any reason for him to peak into our doorway to see who is answering the door.

I think I want to give the son his own key, so he can let himself in.
But I kinda fear that Dad may feel he can enter our home if his son allows him to.

What are your thoughts?

My absolute goal is to stop his antics of control.


libby's picture

I would never give my SK a key to our house - In fact we have the key code type that opens the garage and they are not allowed to know the pass code. Only because i fear they would either make a copy of the key or ask the SK for the password.

Then again she is a convicted felon and her new husband has quite the rap sheet.

My husbands ex is court order unable to come to our house, They must meet at a location between both houses. And I love it. Every once in a while we see them driving by our house. Or she will show up unannounced cause she was in the neighborhood and the kids wanted to see their dad (only time this happens is when we are outside when they happen to be driving by)

Squillion's picture

You can't stop him.

I wouldn't leave my kid not knowing my ex was home and he wouldn't leave her at my house not knowing either.

He would enter your home if he had a key.

Why does it upset you that he wants to know if skid's mom is home before he drops him off?

Jon-Boy's picture

He knows we are home.
It's not like I expect him to leave his child alone at the house.
I don't expect that.

libby's picture

I know what your saying its a control thing with the ex - Just dont answer the phone or take it off the hook

Jon-Boy's picture

maybe I will have the son call his dad from inside.
To tell his dad everything is A-OK.


BMJen's picture

Okay, look. YOU are the step parent in this boys life. RAGS, where are need to step in on this one.

Anyways, you are responsible for this childs well being all the time. Why on earth would mom have to be home for him to drop off your SS? That's extremley ridiculous. Does it say this in her DD? What does her DD say about drop off, etc?

You may not be his father, but in that house you are dad. And the x has no right to try to undermind your authority with your SS.

If my x was doing this I fear there would be a fight in my driveway.

There is so much messed up with what you are dealing with that I don't even know what to say.

Jon-Boy's picture

I can understand a certain time line of getting to know the guy that is going to be a step dad to his son.
I am protective myself.

But this guy is acting like I have a drug record or a child molestation record or something.

Squillion's picture

I just read some more of your history. I'll give you my humble opinion if you don't mind...

Your wife's ex is a dick... without a doubt. But I think you are poking the hornet's nest for no reason. Seems like you two are engaging in a pissing match and since the law/custody order can't really declare either of you the winner, I don't see it stopping unless you stop it.

IMO, you shouldn't be handling the ex, she should. You telling him what to do isn't going to curb his behavior, it will intensify it.

If she doesn't wish to speak to him, then she should tell him she wants to communicate via email/text only. He can text her when he's dropping Skid off to see if she's home. She's not obligated to show up at the door for him.

What else is he doing to irritate you other than the calling?

I know it's frustrating. My husband hates that I still have to interact with my ex... and I hate that he has to as well. But if I started "handling" things with her and telling her what to do it would make things a bajillion times worse. Yes, bajillion. They've done studies Smile

Kb3Hooah's picture


Jon-Boy's picture

I guess it looks like a pissing match.
But it isn't believe me.
I am one who promotes paece at all times.

What is ITA?????

imagr8tma's picture

I understand him calling to verify she is home - or having the son call to see if she is home. But coming to the door as well - really is not necessary.

Seems like there is a power struggle going on between he and you and the wife.

Hope you guys come to a resolution soon

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Jon-Boy's picture

Ok, Had to go to the Dr's office today with the boys.
Sorry I didn't get to chime back in sooner.

I realize there is some control issues here on my part with her Ex Husb.
but it is very clear in my mind where that line is drawn. And this is only temporary
I am only entering into this and taking control over the ex to declare a stand.
My wife will take this over all on her own.

* The bad behavior stops now.
* Communication is always welcome
* He will not dictate or cause trouble within "OUR" home.

When he realizes he has no control over her, his attempts will stop.
This guy has been threatening, and manipulating my wife for the last 8+ years.
I have stayed on the side lines trying to coach my wife with how to handle him for the last few years.
And it has not been a very tactful method.

And now that I am her husband this will not be tolerated.
With much resistance from my wife on this, I have pushed her to a little more dramatic approach to get her to see the power she has, and how much control she has over his attempts to control her.
I know she is starting to see it.
And with this... She will start to be able to put her foot down and not allow his threats to seem real to her.
She will not worry if he thinks she is an unfit mother.
She will not bend to his demands for fear of what he may tell a judge one day.

She will be confident to know the judge will rule in her favor because of all she is as a mother. She is a wonderful woman. a wonderful wife and a wonderful mom.

In the mean time this is currently at STAGE 1.
STAGE 2 will be persistence in keeping the current rules.
Stage 3 will be the minimal allowance of communication with her, only as long he he can stay in control.
Which I know STAGE 4 will need to be implemented. (Because he is a DICK)
STAGE 4 is stage 2.
Maybe one day he will learn to be respectful
If not? Stage 1 will remain.