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im new: background and recent feud

lovelylady's picture

ok...
well my name is brandi. im 27 yrs old. and my fiance is 33 yrs old. we have been together for 5 yrs. he is my everything. well i first met him i was living with my friend, who was his kids aunt. well he said that he moved back to nc bc he caught his now ex wife cheating on him. she wanted to move to west virginia and so he up and left everything he knew to go somewhere where he knew noone. when he was 21 he was diagnosed with gout. over the yrs it has got really bad. he now is disabled and cant keep a job bc the wrong move can land him in the bed for wks to months at a time. he and his ex have 4 kids together. they are the first ones to discover that their mother was cheating on their dad on a camping trip. they told thomas but his ex said are you gonna believe them or me? but he quickly found out the truth. well when he moved down here we met and i instantly fell in love with him. he was sooo good looking and sweet. i met 2 of his 4 kids...the oldest a girl and the youngest a boy. they were sweet kids and me and the oldest kit it off automatically. i later met his other 2 girls. i moved in with him and 3 months later we found out i was pregnant. he didnt like it and neither did his kids or ex. but they came around...well he and his kids did. they were soooo excited when hannah was born. this is also the time that sd moved in with us. she was the best kid she helped me with hannah and her dad. she maintained an A average. she was awsome. and then things happened with her. she was placed in a psychiatric facility for a wk. she was cutting and having suicidal thoughts. most of them steaming from the way her mom treated her while she was down here with us. after she was released, her mom came and took her back to wv. i guess she tought we couldnt take care of her. but once she moved back she was a completely different kid. and so were all the kids. they dont have to follow rules at their moms and think they can do whatever at our house and they cant. if hannah has rules they are going to have rules. well they didnt like that and they dont came down any more. we called in april to tell them that we were expecting another baby and (pardon my expretion) shit hit the fan. thomas pays his child support and everything. but bc he doesnt have a full time job we cant send them money everytime they want anything. so they get mad. me and thomas have done everything to have everyone get along but it never works. the kids mom is always making them feel like if they talk to us then they are betraying her. its a damn mess.

well here is our recent feud. ss was diagnosed with MRSA. well my mom is a nurse and i first called her. mom what is this and she told me then i googled it... and read as much as i can and i gained alot of knowleage... the internet is a beautiful thing!!! lol! so i know how the wound is supposed to be cared for and cleaned and how EVERYTHING is supposed to be sanitized! well his mom didnt follow the directions. yesterday my fiance gets a text form his oldest daughter and was told that ss was admitted to the hospital bc he had 2 infested spots on his leg. thy had to scrap it and he was in an isolation tent. well thomas calls his mom and we make plans, and drop everything and go see him. well she calls the ex and she asks who all is comeing and she says me, william(her husband), thomas, brandi and hannah. she said oh no yall just stay home. about an hr later sd16 texts her dad and asks if hes coming and he told her no bc he wasnt leaving me here by myself while im pregnant. then she cusses him from head to toe... a 16 yr old cusses her dad!!!!! what is happeneing with these kids these days!!! then she proceeds to cuss me out when she texts me. she called her dad "worthless" and me a "bitch" and she cant stand us... she said for us to take care of our little family we have and forget about them bc they plan to forget about us. i was sooooo heart broken. i had a panic attack and cried all day. i told thomas to go. but he wouldnt leave me. i cant make him go...unless i force him in the car and drive him myself! but i was really upset and found this site last night and i was like this is heaven sent and i really hope theres understanding ppl on here that can help me.......

Comments

lovelylady's picture

thank you for your comment. i forgot to put all the kids ages...lol. 16 girl, 14 girl, 12 girl, and 9 boy. the kids are allowed to do what they want. sd16 has a tattoo, peircings, and dyed hair, the others have peircings and dyed hair also.... its craziness. i think SD16 aks that way bc she had to grow up early and she thinks shes an adult. it just drives me crazy!!!! my mom tells me all the time that they arent my kids and i need to just leave it alone...but it makes me mad when a 16 yr old is sooo disrespectful and feels that its ok to cuss me and her father like dogs.... auuuggghhh!!! but again thank you...im still trying to deal with all this lol

juliannbaker's picture

Gosh I thought my drama was bad..........Anyhow it sounds like the mom corrupts those kids when she has them and when they were with you all they were pretty decent kids. Their behavior is stemming from their mommie dearest it sounds, plus the reason they get away with murder at mommies is because she just don't want to deal with their ass or be bothered so she lets them run wild. U can't do a damn thing about that or her. Thats her dilemma when she has them but when you all have them let them know they are loved but let them know real quick that what flies at mommas house because she aint carin about what you all do aint flyin here and if they break the rules warn them once and then send their ass back to mom. You have to demand respect. If not then they will do to you as they please and then you will be feeling like you feel inside like hopeless and blue. Once you give someone that power over you, and believe me I am the worlds greatest at letting people treat me shitty and get by with it, then you know that you let them and then you feel bad because you are like why did I let them treat me this way and then you get resentful and feel bad about yourself that you allowed this. Don't!! Kids at your stepkids ages are teenage brats from hell!!! Teen years such bad anyhow because I have one of my own here at home. Anyhow you do what you can and don't worry yourself with the rest. Let hubby deal with them because you and your baby to be and hannah do not need the drama. Good luck!!!!!! Jules

lovelylady's picture

im the same way i let ppl treat me any which way they want and i take everything to heart. and then pregnancy hormones dont help at all. and the reason im smack dab in the middle of it is bc fh is sooooo passive. he doesnt let it bother him he says they are 2 states away and theres nothing we can do about it. i wish i was that way. but im trying. after my sd cussed me out the way she did i told her im done plan and simple and didnt send anything else. im doen with all the drama. these kids and their mother have wrecked my nerves completely. i told thomas im done also. its always been about the sks but now its going to be about me, hannah, thomas and the baby on the way. its like my mom told me "they arent my kids,so stop putting yourself in the middle of everything" and thats what i plan on doing!!! today is a new day, a new brandi, and a new life!!!

"parents who are afraid to put thier foot down usually have children who step on their toes" ~chinese proverb~

juliannbaker's picture

you go girl!! you deserve better!!! And don't forget it! Let people be nice to you for once especially rotten ass stepkids,lol!!

melis070179's picture

My only question is....why did you guys listen to BM?? Who is she to tell you guys who can and cannot come on the trip? Does she own the state of WV? Don't think so...ya'll should've went anyways and not given her the control. By the way, I am in NC too! You are right to just focus on your family, you cannot control BM or those kids, so don't bother trying. Don't let them get to you and don't give them the time of day until they can be respectful! Good luck Smile

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

lovelylady's picture

bc i didnt want to be at the hospital in front of God and everybody and her start. she always has to start. we felt that it was already a stressful situation and the add stress would have probably set me over the edge. i do love my skids even if they dont love me and i didnt want them to have to deal with all that when their brother was so sick. it just wasnt the time or place to argue with her. so we chose to be adults and respesct her wishes.

even though the evil "B" called my fhs mother and told her "why hasnt thomas called"
she said "why would he? he doesnt want to argue with you right now"
and she said "well just bc i told him not to come doesnt mean that he cant call"
and she proceeded to tell fmil to "tell thomas he can call and talk to ss9 when we get home"
we dont even know when they are supposed to be home!!! so if he calls its his chose. im not stickin my nose in it... i hope he feels better and his dumb mama actually takes care of him this time but... my names been it and im not in it!!!! lol by the way thinak you for your comment!!! Smile <3 >>>hugs<<<

"parents who are afraid to put thier foot down usually have children who step on their toes" ~chinese proverb~