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What were your reasons for getting married and did you have regrets (cold feet) BEFORE marriage?

zerostepdrama's picture

What were your reasons for getting married and did you have regrets (cold feet) BEFORE marriage?


misSTEP's picture

We got married because 9/11 happened. Well, truthfully, we were planning on getting married. We were going to go to an island to one of those all inclusive resorts. Then 9/11 happened. My already flying-phobic man didn't want to go within miles of an airplane and we decided that tomorrow is not promised and we should do what we want ASAP.

So we went to the JOP.

DaizyDuke's picture

Reasons? Because I love DH dearly. Even though he can be a pain in the rump sometimes, but I'm sure can too! Wink

I don't know that I had cold feet.. but I did DRAG my feet on actually setting a day. I guess because I had already been married before and because DH and I were already living together, so I just was in no rush. I did feel bad though when one day DH was like "Are we ever going to actually get married?" Because it WAS a big deal for him, he had never been married. So I finally went about getting a dress, setting a date and all that good stuff and we did it! Just the two of us, my BFF who took pics for us and my mom who was our witness. It was perfection!

zerostepdrama's picture

I got married because DH proposed. And of course I love him and wanted to be with him and saw us as being together in the future, etc. Plus I wanted the committement. I felt like I had "played house" with BS's dad and I didnt want to do that again. I wanted Wife status.

When it came to the skids, I wanted to marry DH because I didnt want to live with him, acquire assets, etc and then if he passed away, then the skids as his next to kin got control over those matters. I would be "just the girlfriend".

I also wanted my BS to see what marriage was, a family was.

I had A LOT of doubts before the wedding. Most of them to do with the skids and how I felt that I could deal with them (or not deal with them). Also because I had been so independent and self-sufficient for so long that I felt almost suffocated a bit. I know had to share Smile LOL.

zerostepdrama's picture

Same here with Ex. I was like uhhhh I dont love him enough to marry him but I feel like I am stuck because we have a kid together. I think for a very very short time I thought we might get married but then he went back to his old ways.

I'm not knocking people who have kids and dont get married, but I just didnt want my son to think that that was normal. You just have kids with someone without no other committement. I mean for all intents and purposes at the time it felt like we were a married couple and lived as a married couple. But now that I am actually married I see that there is so much more of a difference. Not even on the same playing fields, kid or no kid.

BethAnne's picture

We got married because we know that we work well together and we want to be together. The wedding was probably sooner than I would have normally arranged for 2 reasons, first because he was very insistent that he wanted to marry (he is a romantic that didn't want to let me get away!) and second because I am not American, I had to get a fiance visa and we had 90 days to get married from when I arrived in the country. Before getting married I was sad that I was leaving my home but excited about finally being able to be with my husband full time. Almost 2 years in and I have no regrets getting married. There have been some tricky times with BM, homesickness and culture shock but we got through them and I am sure worse is to come and I know that we will get through those too. Life right now is pretty good for us.

Glassslipper's picture

I married for love. I love DH and its a kind of love I can not explain, the foundation is strong, too strong to ever be destroyed and we have been through some really tough times, but it only seems to make us stronger.

I did not have cold feet, everything about the marriage skids and all seemed right, and perfect and I was satisfied with the decision to always be married no matter what.

DH proposed, we were married 9 months later on the same anniversary as our dating anniversary.

DH once said he looks forward to growing old with me.
I say my favorite time of the day is at night when were cuddled up together.

He is my everything, he always will be, nothing can change that.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Well no man has ever wanted to marry me. Not even my ex husband. He married me because I got pregnant and immediately started cheating and our marriage lasted a whopping four years. I had three long term relationships that lasted three years and none of them wanted to marry me either. I always got, "It's not you. It's me. I just am against marriage as an institution. And its just a contract with the state. " And of course I'd break up with them because I did want to have children one day and they all three ended up marrying someone pretty soon after our breakups. In fact my ex husband gave me that little "I don't ever want to get married " speech into our ninth month of dating and I broke up with him that very day. Figured why waste three more years . I was almost 30 . And the very damn next day I was in the Dollar Tree. Saw a pregnant test. Didn't feel pregnant. Hadn't missed a period or anything at all. He even said he and his ex wife had tried to have kids and were unable to and it was due to him. That he was infertile. Low sperm count. something told me to buy that test because wouldn't that be my luck and damn sure I bought it and took it in the bathroom and I was! And I knew when he proposed three months later why he did and I knew I shouldn't have married him. I couldn't stop shaking during the wedding ceremony. My vision became tunnel vision. My palms got sweaty. Everyone sounded like they were far away at the small little wedding. I got bad cold feet. And something just told me "It's okay. You can get divorced if it turns out to be a bad decision." and so I said I do. and I was happy while we were together. I was. But then I busted him while I was pregnant with our third. He had this secret sado masochism fetish thing that he kept secret and would meet woman off the internet to live out his kinky fantasies with and I knew not anything at all about it until he left his email up. To this day I don't read 50 shades of Grey and I won't see the movie and I have no idea if his new wife is clueless like me or if she shares that lifestyle. Not my business. Five years with SO and we have a baby. He's not asked me to marry him. Baby was not planned and if he had asked me just because I was pregnant I'd have said no but he's never asked and I doubt he ever will and it doesn't bother me. I've long accepted the fact that there is something about me that says not wife material.

Living the dream's picture

I got married for health insurance.

Well, not really. Wink DH and I were already engaged. I lost my job in a corporate restructuring, and could not afford to keep my health insurance on COBRA with the new, lesser-paying, no-benefits job I had to take for a while.

He is a public schoolteacher and has very rich health coverage.

We had planned to marry in July. We got married in January instead. Good thing, because I needed to have surgery that March. If I hadn't had medical coverage, we'd be deeply in debt.

HungryEyes's picture

I married DH because I love him more than I've ever loved any man. I knew I'd forgive him anything. He works really hard for my happiness. He still chases me and dates me. I did have cold feet but only because of BM. She was my only red flag but it was a big one. Once she moved several states away, I happily married my DH. And it's been the best decision ever.

triplea2006's picture

I married Dh because I loved him and I was pregnant with his child. Before DH I had never been in love nor had I ever lived with a man. I didn't want to live with a man and have his child without being married. My sister is a single parent and I've seen how well that has done her. I never questioned my decisions (I had more than enough people to do that for me) and we have had a great marriage (which is unfortunate for my mom as she keeps trying to meddle and pit me against him). He is my best friend and I'm certain we would of married whether pregnant or not, just not as soon.

sasha101's picture

I married DH because I love him and want to spend my life with him, and I know he feels the same way. We'd both had unhappy marriages with our first spouses and only stayed with them for our respective kids' sakes, so it meant a great deal to both of us to finally be getting married for the right reasons. I did have cold feet, purely about issues with skids. He has custody of them and they were very young at the time, very needy with serious emotional and behavioural problems due to bm emotionally abusing them. I could see dh was handling it the right way and always respected my feelings/opinions, and i knew that they wouldn't be little and needy forever. I was right, they're much older now and due to dh's strict but loving parenting, they have turned into great kids who are a pleasure to be around (well most of the time anyway lol).
If he'd been a crap parent who didn't deal with the skids' issues and behaviour like many of the other posters have to deal with, I definitely would not have married him.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Because he is a stellar human being and I couldn't pass that up. I had been married before and had dated a lot and I knew what an absolute gem he was. His partnership with me had become essential to me.

Sometimes I asked myself if I should really do this but the immediate answer would be gut-slam of damn straight I should and how stupid I would be to lose him and how utterly impossible it would be see the last of him. It's even hard typing those words. Just can't stomach the thought. He is lovely and feeling adored and safe is precious.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Awwww, Echo. That is amazing. I've never gotten that or anything close to that.