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Zenmode's Blog

Things that have changed with adult skids.

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1. I'm no longer in group texts that include bio mom. In fact I'm no longer in group texts at all. Which suits me just fine. When I realized that there was no desire to form anything other than a superficial relationship I ceased sending any initiated by myself. They all soon followed with not including me. I consider this a Win and confirmation that my desire to have a meaningful connection with them was not reciprocated. Took me over 2 years to realize. 
 

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OT. Uncle passed. Estranged from family.

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This might make me sound like a horrible person.  So, my toxic narcissist mothers brother passed away. Although I loved him when I was a child, I have not seen him or the majority of my biological family in nearly ten years, pretty much since the last funeral, for another uncle, I am close with that cousin.  My mother is in her 80's I have had zero relationship with her for nearly 20 years.

I’ve been given a get out of jail free card.

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Since the adult (30-45 years old) skids insist on having both mommy and daddy at every freaking family celebration or holiday get together, DH and I finally had the conversation that I am given the pass to come or not as I please. Yea it still gripes me that they can't-won't-don't want to spend any one on one with DH and I but ultimately it's actually helped make the last few years make more sense and my detachment easier. All the things I planned or put together were meaningless because momma wasn't there. Fair enough.

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Seeing enmeshment early in relationship and setting boundaries. Looking back.

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I’m going to try to keep this a bit generic to my own situation so that I don’t feel like I’ve revealed to much and need to delete this later. This is long so if you’re not into novels you probably want to skip. 

My situation has been interesting with my adult step kids. 

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Competing with each other for parent of the year or just guilt?

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Or even grandparent of the year. So this last Valentine's Day, really brought it home. I've noticed this, and suspected this for oh about 4 years now but it really solidified since my year of disengagement. DH treats my grown children for the most part as well as his own. Of course we've had a few bumps here and there with my 18 year old still living with us high schooler but that's to be expected.

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Follow up to “here we go again”

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You guys are absolutely right. This is feeding the narcissist OSS ego. He's the one that has "issues" that HE refuses to deal with through doing the work and seeing someone on his own, so, once again the whole "family" has to be involved with him at the center. 

 This is some extreme dysfunctional behavior on ALL of their parts my DH included. Thanks for helping me see it. Now I'm pissed. (Previous blog about this deleted)