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On the subject of gifts. (OT)

Zen mode's picture

One of my own sons has a snotty girlfriend and for nearly 7 years I have bought her and her two girls gifts for Xmas, I barely get spoken to by this chick. I have been extremely patient and bent over backwards attempting to make her feel welcome. My recent experiences with the Skids have made me realize why bother?

This chick has been a part of my sons life for 7 years now, she comes to my home, eats a meal and doesn't say hello, thank you or goodbye. The youngest girl is adorable, the older one is a snot. Every year I treat them just like I do my own grandkids, last year I gave the older one cash because I was tired of the example being set in front of my younger grandchildren of "this is dumb" "is this all I get?" And still no thank you or acknowledgment. Let's see how nothing goes over.  I feel bad not getting the little one something and wish I could just say "don't bring the girls to the Xmas party this year, they do nothing but complain the whole time they are here anyways"  my other alternate plan is giving my own grandchildren their gifts on a different day to just avoid the usual with these girls. Ugh why am I stressing the holidays coming up already LOL. 


Survivingstephell's picture

Find an event for you treat your grandkids to.  Make it a special thing just for you and them , maybe a boys day and a girls day or by each family unit.  Whatever works best for your situation.  It will be much easier to gift a simple gift to the skids when it's time.  Give memories instead of material things.   Take pictures and give them a photo album to keep them in.  Focus more on your own grandkids and be polite to the two.  If your son brings it up then you can explain it to him.  He really should be ashamed of himself , allowing his gf to treat you like that.  7 years is a long time to ask them  for change but you can change how you do gifts. 

Catmom23's picture

Ugh.  I'm so sorry.  She sounds like a BM a SM would be on here complaining about!  Lol.  

ndc's picture

I'd be having a conversation with my son. Does he live with these girls and their mother?  Regardless, he should be making sure his girlfriend and her kids treat you politely and respectfully. Presumably you raised him to recognize rudeness, so he knows and permits it.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, I was wondering this too - if my SS was rude and ungrateful when my parents gave him gifts (he wasn't), they would have had a conversation with me about it and requested he stop coming to family events, most likely.

Gimlet's picture

Agree with this.  Are you not comfortable talking to him about her behavior?  It's not OK for her to treat you like this.

Zen mode's picture

Yep have done. For years. He's a sweet guy and gets it. They briefly separated last year around the holidays and she was whining about NOT getting to come to our party. I told son. "It's awkward every year with her, let's not have an extra awkward one this year" I have not seen her since thanksgiving last year. I told my son, look I get it, sometimes people don't mesh and she doesn't seem to want to put any effort into building a relationship with us so......maybe you should consider coming without her since she seems so miserable spending any time around your family, we are cool with that. 

Kes's picture

Ugh, no, don't get them any more gifts, not even of money.  I stopped getting my SDs anything years ago, and felt much the better for it.  My DH doesn't do any gift buying for my grandkids (ie his step grands) - I do it all - and if and when (goddess forbid) my SDs have children - he will have to do all the gift buying. 

Zen mode's picture

He's a great "step parent" so to speak. Which in a way is sad. 

Zen mode's picture

He is embarrassed by her antics. Last time we spoke about it ( about 6 months ago) he said " she feels self conscious because she wasn't raised like he was. I reminded him I WASN'T RAISED LIKE YOU WERE! But I only needed to be taught once about saying thank you, hello and goodbye when you visit someone's home. Yes folks I wasn't taught those things either until I married. I've heard him year after year whisper to her or the girls " tell my mom thanks" then I SOMETIMES get a mumbled "thanks". 

tog redux's picture

Well, unless she was raised by wolves, it's pretty odd not to know to say hello, goodbye and thank you. Life teaches you those skills. 

Zen mode's picture

That's where I finally have to say "ok guess it's me and you really don't like me, cool let's both be happy and not have any interaction"