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Grown SS(40ish) is always bringing ME and MY kids up when he has “issues” with his dad.

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This has been happening more and more regularly. He seems to have this fantasy that DH and I are having family get togethers constantly with my kids. We aren't. We see and interact with his kids much more than mine. They even live closer. Even if we DID have my kids over for Sunday dinner every Sunday what's it got to do with him? I have begun to suspect he's extremely insecure and even jealous of my GROWN a kids.

This comment by a poster here really resonated and I wanted to save it.

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Thank you Exjuliemcoy.  So many of your comments and responses are very similar to what I am going through. Your advice still hold true. 

"Focus on your own tribe, the family and friends who love and support you. Fill your life up with positive, healthy relationships and experiences. Recognize that spouses should have some separate interests, and put the skids on the same level as any other hobby your H might have. It helps take the emotion out of the situation.

Hmmm, dilemma. Middle step son moved back.

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Into our state a few months ago. Backstory; DH has been reaching out to all his kids about how he can be a better dad to them all, this was initially started with the oldest son (the Narc) laying a guilt trip on his dad about the divorce 30 years ago and being very judgmental while for the previous five years this guys life was a shambles and a whole lot of other stuff that I'm leaving out.

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Getting the finances sorted. A look back.

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My DHs youngest son failed to launch. While we dated and were engaged I just took note, I really wasn't aware of exactly how much DH was supporting ( subsidizing) him. After we married my DH was all about the household budget. It was a bit of a juggling act with my still minor son living with us and me receiving child support, I would contribute that towards the mutual house upkeep and groceries (teenage boys eat a LOT) it didn't really cover everything pertaining to my sons upkeep.

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Getting after step grandchildren.

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In raising my half dozen or so children, I never "put things away" when they were babies. My one accommodation was putting my heirloom Xmas ornaments up high and "touchable" ones down low. While still teaching not to touch.
 

When we were planning to build our home a few years ago DH was in a panic about decor and grandkids. He literally wanted to plan our decor around breakables or not. I was like uhhhhh no way not going to happen. I only had two "little ones" at the time and he had five young ones. He tried the "well what if they do xyz?" I was like why would they?
 

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A look back. My how things have changed now that bioson is an “adult”

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So, five years later I've been reflecting back on things with Skids. We are having a few bumps with my bio son 18, which is causing conflicts in our marriage mostly due to parenting style. My DH is MUCH more hard line than he ever was with his little darlings. Bioson is high functioning autistic, still in high school and going to technical college, all in all a pretty good kid. He's now got a girlfriend which has really had an impact on him ( mostly good) other than the late nights, which is what is causing conflict between DH and I. I'm ok-ish with the girl staying late, DH is not.

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The flurry of grown skid “reconnection” continues.

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I'm happily sidelined. To DHs credit he always offers to have me come along. Naw I'm good. He's got a get together planned today and is a bit grumpy LOL. Funny enough I have lunch planned today with my son and GF, based on past preference it's likely to be RIGHT next door to where his is taking place. 

For those that have detached, what is this feeling?

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I'm feeling anxious that I'm going to be forced to see or interact with them. DH would never do that to me btw.  As I've stated elsewhere there is currently this crisis mode going on with his kids in that they need daddy time. There's been a weird dogpile on of issues coming up that they feel HE needs to address. Mostly instigated by the OSS. Of course DH has to do what he needs to do in regards to his relationship with his Grown kids.

Grown Ss def has issues with me.

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If you read through my previous blogs, other than my frustration with most of them in general with their non engagement and some entitled behaviors, the running theme through them is OSS causing issues throughout the years. DH accidentally let it slip that he has issues with me and that it upsets DH because I'm so amazing (his words LOL) bless his heart, but this came as no surprise, OSS has not hidden it as well as he thinks, for over five years.
 

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