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Terrible Words

Youwontbreakme's picture

What would you do if you caught your SS posting nasty, hateful, mean names about you on Facebook?

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magnummom's picture

It depends on the context, what's been going on in the household, etc.

I would bring it to my husband's attention and then I would delete and block SS. No need to have extra stress where it's not needed.

Then next time I saw SS I would have a talk about that.

Youwontbreakme's picture

The thing is, he doesn't have computer access in our home, except for doing homework. He is doing this at school and while he is visiting his BM.

overworkedmom's picture

Honestly, as much at it would hurt me, I would probably ignore it. Maybe talk to him, show him a print out that you know how disrespectful and hurtful he is being, but that would be it. Let him vent if he has to. We all do it here. Why can't he do that too?

Youwontbreakme's picture

He is 16

smdh's picture

I would print it, hang it on the fridge and next time he asked me for something, I'd refer him to the fridge. The next time dh asked me for something regarding ss, I;d refer him ti the fridge.

3familiesIn1's picture

THIS

I have found that posting things up on paper to be very effective measure - sort of in your face measure.

For me, DH likes to ignore when SS6 gets red lights from his school - or he keeps it a secret - so when I see them, I put the folder RED light up on his dinner plate when I set the table then when he sits down, we are all there, he is forced to say SOMETHING

WickedStepMom18's picture

I would kick his a** for him (not literally!). I do too much for my SS to deserve any kind of "published" name-calling. It's a form of online bullying. I won't tolerate him being nasty to other people online, why would I tolerate him saying nasty things about me? I wouldn't. Talk to your SO and sit down with this kid. It's not right and it IS a battle you should pick... of course, in my opinion. I am a big "respect" person and this would push my "DON'T PUSH THIS BUTTON" button!

buterfly_2011's picture

Id say delete but Facebook never deletes your account. Block him. So you don't have to look at it. Or heck I'd post something like "I thought I lost my broom but dang I was wrong I found it right next to my rolled up red and white stockings and black heels" that was a close one. Smile Laugh about it. Or try to!

3familiesIn1's picture

I'd LIKE the posts so they appear on my wall and therefore on DHs wall in his face then see if anything is done.

Youwontbreakme's picture

The sad thing is, I'm the one that takes care of this child every day. It's me that makes sure he's got clean/new clothes to where, food to eat, lunch money for school every day, presents for the holidays and birthdays, it's me that does it for him. Yet, I'm the wicked witch step mother. It just really hurts.

BabyDoll's picture

I agree with violets and echo. You need to stop doing all of this for the skid. To continue doing so will send your skid the message that it is okay to treat you like a doormat.

LilyBelle's picture

I would ignore it. Who cares if a 16 year old likes or approves of you??

You have friends, loved ones, wonderful people who love you.

If his father has rules about him being respectful on internet sites, then he should address it in the same way he addresses disrespect to anyone. But it's his father's responsibility.

You taking it on would just cause heartache.

Youwontbreakme's picture

It's not just me he is talking about he also said the DH is ruining his life and that he wishes his mothers boyfriend was his real father, only DH handles things better than I do. Where DH can say he's 16, I'm saying I don't care what age he is.

BabyDoll's picture

When my SS17 did some particularly nasty stuff to me a couple of weeks ago, I removed him from my family relationships, unfriended him and then blocked him. To a teen, unfriending someone on FB is the equivalent of shunning them in public or tar and feathering them. At least, this is what my skid told me. All the gossip at my skid's school spreads at the speed of light via FB because most of the teens have camera cell phones that have internet access.

Anon2009's picture

This might be a scream for help on his part. I absolutely think he should face consequences for what he said, but I have to wonder if he has underlying issues. Did his mom abandon him? This might BD a good opportunity for DH to address those "elephants in the room" with him.

knucklehead's picture

I would (and have) ignore(d) it. It's usually SD who posts that crap. I no longer care. Nor do I ever go on her FB page anymore. There's no point except upsetting myself...

blendedblissnot's picture

Look, you are parenting him most of the time as so you deserve to be respected, especially in a public forum as that.

Sure we all get to vent, and so should the kid. Look at this way, if your kid hates you it's likely because you're doing a good job! Remember that!

As a teen I had moments where I spoke smack about my parents to my friends, we all bitched and moaned how our parents ruined our life, blah blah blah. That part is normal. But nowadays it's made socially acceptable to say those things at loud for your parents to READ via social networking-aka FB-aka the DEVIL

So I would speak to him and say that you read those things, he should lose privledges and DH should confront him and you want a PUBLIC FB apology as well for all his friends to see. If you guys were humiliated he should be also. You can accept that of COURSE he will have nasty things to say about his parents, he IS a teen. But blatant open for all to see disrespect like that in writing will NOT be tolerated.

I do not go by this ignore, dont' read it or you cant control what another person does. This is your guys kid-stepkid and kid so you absolutely have a say in what he does!

Tell him to pick up a phone and call someone who gives a shit (aka your friends) but public disrespect? Absolutely not. My parents never tolerated that-most parents don't allow it, somehow FB should be an exception??
Somehow steparents should allow disrespect and be doormats to kids behavior because they aren't parents?

I had consequences for disrespecting ANY adult, period. Hence the problem today, nobody gives a crap to discipline and call kids out and let them behave like monkeys. How are we to mold functioning adults in the future? You dont' give up on entire generations simply because you don't want to get involved or are to lazy to do anything about it (especially a trait of guilty dads these days it seems).

Buck back, hard!

Unfreakingreal's picture

My SS referred to me as a nagging bitch once to his friend in a FB chat. I saw it and told him that was very mean & hurtful. He actually felt really bad about it and later apologized. I accepted his apology because I knew it was sincere. I have been an amazing SM to my Skids and like all kids sometimes they vent when we enforce rules that they don't like. I would print it, hand it to him and say "Wow, is that how you really feel?" See what he says. My bios hate me sometimes, kids are stupid like that. Try not to take it to heart.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

"What would you do if you caught your SS posting nasty, hateful, mean names about you on Facebook?"

I probably wouldn't even know because I don't look at skids pages. I guess if I knew, then not much would change because I'm already fully disengaged from SD. For SS, I'd just go from partial to full disengagement.

Most Evil's picture

Well I will tell you what we did when this happened to us. DH asked SD to take it down, and after a lot of backtalk, she did.

She claimed it was 'creative writing' and he said again, 'I am asking you to take it down'.

Apparently after BM realized it was slanderous she gave permission to her little puppet, to take down the insults to DH on a public record.

If she hadn't, all hell was gonna break loose, as much as we could - no visits, gifts, etc.

That still has an effect in our world, even though he is so awful you're gonna post it on FB?? typical-!!!