Balance between Mom & Not Mom
From my "The History" post you will see, Leo (S/O) has twin daughters age 10 there Mom dies of drugs recently.
I am trying to find the right balance between being a Mother to Raph my bio son, and being a women the twins can look up to, trust, talk to, open up to. But also a parental figure as well without "replacing" their Mom. They desparetly cling to me, its even been a topic of conversation at one point the girls have stated if there Dad and I ever borke up they would want to live with me. They cling, and are very needy for my attention. This comes from the lack of there Mother over the last 2 years of there life. She had primary custody or 8 years and Dad did weekends. Then CPS, took the girls and Dad got full custody. This is were the girls struggled, they do not comprehend the concept of why Mommy cant just do what they want and get better. They feel abandoned and like they are good enough for her to just do what she needs to, to get them back. A she keeps saying she will do for them. With that being said the girls deparatly have clung to me, since the day I met them. Looking up to me, telling me evverything! Always by my side choosing me over there father every step of the way. It has drastically gotten more over whelming since their Mother passes away 2 months ago. Me and Leo have had conversations about my role as a parental figure in there life and backs me up 100%. But trying to maintain this balance as a Step parent to 2 almost teeange girls who just lost there Mother is for sure a struggle for them but also for me.
I am coming into this family, with experience as a Mother of a toddler BOY. and please do not take these words by any means as if i dont love the girls. I love them as if they are my own (which is part of the struggle by the way). But there are times where i am completly overwhelmed and I feel like I am drowning, I havnt been though the step by step phases that a parent goes through at each age of a child. It went from me and Raph to instafamil/ wife and step mother over night. Now, that is an exaggeration, we have been together for a little over a year. It just feels like a drastic change one that I am literally flying blindly...
Any suggestions on how to balance, being a person the twins love, but also be a parent in there lives but NOT replace there Mom. But love them as if they are my own?
- yoursmineandours3's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You can start by having the
You can start by having the twins see a therapist to help process the loss of their mother. After that you and H can also get assistance in handling the twins and how you both can be better supportive during this difficult transition. Perhaps you both can be suggested and given tools on how to address this and what to expect in the future. I know there will be many ups and downs but if you and H have the tools to help the twins I think you stand a good chance of things being less overwhelming....however first and foremost your H has to be all in and not leave you to do all the heavy lifting.
Wishing you and yours all the best during this time. I imagine how difficult this must be and you seem to have good intentions for all involved.
Thans, the twins currently
Thans, the twins currently see a therpist weekly at school, and on days when they seem to be "different" by different I mean smeties they are quiter then normal, sad, and sometimes just plan acting out, i suggest that if they are having a tough day and dont; want to talk to me or there sister about it then they shoud go see they teacher or school therpist and just talk through what they are feeling.
H- is a great man, but very old fashion in his way of operating. Things happen we grieve then we et over it. He just expects the twins to just be okay and not act out or have issues the more times go by. His way of thinking is very old school and I struggle sometimes with my own mental health and his way of thinking. We have both had to adjust to each person. I am very much the nurturing caregiver and he's the "man of the house". His level of paticence for the twins is low. He loves them dearly and takes care of them on a physical level like an amazing Dad but he struggles with the emotional aspect being that he was raised that, "mean don't cry generatation ect. So i do feel like the burden will be mine to carry, and honestly I see how much the girls need that nurturing person in there life, so I am going to have to bit the bullet. At the end of the day to me the important things is the children and mkaing sure they have everything they need not just physically, but emotionally as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Thank you for the advice. I
Thank you for the advice. I will try to find ways for him to engage with the Twins.