Nervous about SS's graduation...
Haven't posted in a while but...
SS12 is graduation from elementary school Friday and I am really nervous and DREADING it. DH and BM have been in a CS "battle" for over a year now, for a while she withheld SS from us and lately it has started again. For the last two weeks whenever DH calls SS (usually after school at his GBM's house) he is out, busy, taking a nap, bla bla bla (we live about 5 hrs from SS and BM) and about a week ago DH tried to message SS via Facebook and he blocked DH, which is EXACTLY how this all started last summer. During the school year when she tries this, FIL will go to SS's school and see him, have him call us, etc. but during summer he is COMPLETELY isolated and I think BM is trying to take advantage of this.
DH called BM this morning (she casually ONLY answers his calls when she is at work and NOT with SS) and he asked her what the deal is and why everytime he calls SS seems to be unavailable. She gave him some bull about SS being a busy kid (not the case). DH says he's tried to call her cell when he knows she is off work and has picked up SS from his GBM and she said she has bad service at her place and the calls don't go through. DH told her we're going for graduation and she made a big thing about how she already has plans with him on Friday, DH said no problem and that he would pick him up that night after they celebrate or Saturday morning.
I'm stressing about this more than I should be. I hate going to things when BM will be there, but I feel like I can't skip this one. I'm nervous because we haven't spoken to SS in a while, and last time he was "busy" when DH would call it was because BM and her family were filling his head with stuff about DH and when we finally saw him he was super awkward, ran away from us and basically didn't want to see/speak to either of us. I'm worried about this happening again at his school, which will be even more awkward. I'm worried about her finding a reason NOT to let DH pick up SS on Saturday, or SS telling DH he doesn't want to go with him or something like that. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.
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What kind of visitation do
What kind of visitation do you guys have? TBH.. it seems like plans for a graduation type event (though I am LOATHE to consider anything but a high school or post HS degree significant) that your DH would have worked through these logistics before plans were made for a trip.
It would seem logical that your DH should be allowed some time during this visit.. but it seems from past situations that BM uses the distance to her advantage and keeps the kid from having contact. Why again do you all live so far away from SS? Did BM move or your DH?
It's difficult to make plans
It's difficult to make plans with BM because she is all about the "I don't know." DH asked her repeatedly about the graduation ceremony and she kept saying she had no idea, that the school hadn't told the parents anything. DH talks to SS's teacher weekly, so he asked her about it and she sent him copies of the flyers that had been sent home WEEKS before. In the past, BM has conveniently forgotten to give DH info and then makes snide remarks to SS about how DH doesn't make an effort to show up.
DH had every weekend visitation when we lived in SS's town. DH and BM never amended the CO when we moved away, just sort of agreed that they would try to make arrangements that fit both of their schedules, which usually meant DH going to visit SS for three/four days a month plus one week of SS coming to see us during school breaks. This worked up until a year ago when the whole CS thing started.
We moved away for work. SS's town is pretty tiny, not a lot of jobs or opportunities nearby. DH and I were barely making ends meet, it got to the point where we were constantly borrowing money from my in-laws. I was offered a job and we moved out here 4 years ago.