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Today SO provided perfect example of how deep bias against stepparents run

Yosemite's picture

SO's mom called with the devastating news that his father has lung cancer. SO got off the phone with his mom and was quiet for a little while. Then he says "I don't know what I'll do if my dad dies. What if my mom got remarried and I had to have a stepfather? That would be awful!"
I am obviously sympathetic to the fact that he was probably in shock, but really? That's the most awful part about your dad dying? You might someday have to have a stepparent when you are a grown man? Crazy, huh?


BSgoinon's picture

That is beyond crazy.

I think if my mom remarried at this point, I would not really consider her husband a "stepfather". He would be my moms husband. If he took no part in raising me, there is no reason to brand him with that title. Not that it would be devastating if someone referred to him as such, but I don't think that person would have much of a "father" role in my life at age 34. I'm grown.

BSgoinon's picture

That's kind of what I mean. I would probably CALL him my stepdad, but there is really no parenting going on at this age, so no fear of having to "deal with a stepdad". You know what I mean? My dad has been with a woman for about 4 years. They live together. I call her my dad's girlfriend.

I wish my mom would meet someone. Maybe we should hook your dad and my mom up.

Yosemite's picture

Yeah in a way it kind of hurt my hey stepparent sitting here.....but obviously I wasn't going to bring it up when he just found out his dad has lung cancer. I am thinking it was shock and his mind just seized on what it could deal with. I also think it's too soon to be putting his dad six feet under because they will not even find out until tomorrow what stage it is and what treatment options he has, etc.

oneoffour's picture

It was probably a roundabout realisation that the choices adults make affect more people than themselves.

Maybe you might like to mention "Honey, I am your children's stepmother. What does that say about me?"

alwaysastepmom's picture

OMG dtzy! It's so nice to know that I am not the only one who has to put up with this. My SO's family is the same way. I call them the "mafia" b/c anyone who is not blood related gets treated like outcasts. I have been with my SO for 5 years & have not only disengaged from his kids, but have decided that it might be a good idea to disengage from his family gatherings. Lol.