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O/T Wedding drama...What to do when coworkers invite themselves to the wedding and even to be in the wedding party???? Help!

Yosemite's picture

I knew there was a reason I never wanted to get married. I just didn't realize it would involve office politics! I am amazed at how many people at work have made it known they expect to be invited to my wedding. I am even more amazed because last night one of my coworkers called me late, pretty sure she was drunk, to tell me how hurt she was that I haven't asked her to be my maid of honor yet. She then volunteered for the job and started telling me how my plans are too extravagant and she's going to plan the best backyard wedding ever and save me soooo much money! :jawdrop: She ended the conversation by telling me she loves me and she will take care of everything.

Now I am pretty sure she was wasted, so I am taking it with a grain of salt, but I am concerned because real feelings come out when you are drunk. This lady is older than me, has been a mentor, we work closely together (for 5 years), we cover for each other when we take time off and we are friends. But we have never socialized outside of work lunches and functions. She was defintely on the invite list but it would NEVER have occurred to me that she would want to be in the wedding party.

I don't want to hurt our working relationship, her feelings or our friendship, so I am not sure how to address this. I already have quite a few bridesmaids. I am not designating anyone maid of honor to avoid drama. It couldn't hurt to have one more bridesmaid, but what if more people start asking? And how do I tell her I don't share her vision without hurting her? I know this is not step related but I am hoping some of the brilliant ladies here can help me figure out how to navigate this crazy situation. Thanks!

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

I was always taught it was bad manners to talk about parties/events I would be hosting in front of people whom I will not be inviting. I was also taught that if you have wedding shower/bachelorette party, that everyone invited to those events should also be invited to the wedding.

Yosemite's picture

I agree with you. This particular coworker is definitely invited to the wedding thus I have been talking about it with her, but I never would have thought she would expect to be my maid of honor. This is where I am not sure what to do.
Also I haven't discussed it with anyone I wasn't planning to invite, but word gets around and people have been coming up to me inviting themselves....this is not so bad but not something I would ever do, so it kind of shocked me.
ETA- I work for an employer with about 1500 employees and there are about 200 people I work with on a regular basis, so it really isn't feasible to just invite everyone I work with. I was going to invite my whole team and some others that I work very closely with.

ltman's picture

Take her to lunch, be frank, tell her you are touched by her offer, but your plans are already in the works. If you want her to be part of the wedding party invite her.

overworkedmom's picture

LOL! This is why I eloped!

Has she brought it up again today? Maybe just try not to discuss it with her further and if she pulls the whole maid of honor thing again just let her know that, while you value your "friendship", you have already picked your MOH.

Yosemite's picture

It's early here so our work day won't start for another half hour or so. I am chugging caffeine and trying to figure out what to say or if I should pretend it didn't happen or what.

DaizyDuke's picture

GAH! this is why DH and I got married with just 5 people present. Me, DH, the minister, my mother and my BFF (who is a photographer) My MIL was a HUGE pain in the ass about it. Just couldn't handle the fact that she couldn't be there and she and DH are NOT close by any means. In fact, DH is really the one that didn't want her there because he really does not like her. She had me in tears 4 days before the wedding, because she wouldn't STOP.. she just get nagging, and nagging and nagging! I came a hairs breath away from caving and asking her to come, but thank GOD I didn't. Our day was absolutely perfect and she got over it.

People are just plain out rude and have no manners any more. Geesh!

Jshep's picture

I'm getting married in 9 days and this has happened sooo much! I can't believe it! And they just put you on the spot so you feel like you can't say no. A lady I used to work with 5 years ago (before she moved to a different department within the company) came up to me a a big conference asking me if she was invited. It totally floored me! I totally didn't plan on inviting her, but now I feel like I have to. Someone that I am only aquaintances with even posted on a FB picture of FDH and I getting our marriage license, "we're still waiting on our invitation..." WHO DOES THIS?! So infuriating.

Yosemite's picture

Amazing, isn't it? The crazy thing is these are educated, professional people...I would never have expected any of them to invite themselves.
BTW Congratulations and I hope everything is perfect for your special day!

kathc's picture

WOWZA!!! Anyone who comes up to you asking about being invited just needs to be met with a sad little smile and a, "I wish we could but we just can't afford to have everyone there, we're keeping it small and not able to invite everyone" As for the co-worker who wants to be MOH? Gah. Tough one. I'd head it off by asking her to do a reading at the wedding. "Sally, you know how much our friendship means to me. I would be so honored if you'd read my favorite poem (or biblical verse, whatever) during our wedding ceremony" That way she has something special to do and you don't have to deal with the MOH crap.

kathc's picture

and, I have to add, I've been a bit hurt when people I considered friends posted all over FB about their upcoming weddings and then didn't invite me. I'd avoid posting anything about it that can be seen by anyone you're not inviting.

Yosemite's picture

Update if anyone wants to know, my coworker called in sick with a migraine (I'm thinking hangover). So I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. The sucky part is I really, really don't want to hurt her feelings. She is about 20 years older than I am and has been a really good mentor. What an awkward situation....maybe she won't remember she even called me.