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BM hijacked our yearbook message for SS10- WTF is wrong with this woman?!

Yosemite's picture

SS10's school allows the purchase of messages to students in the yearbook. We put the form and payment for our message in an envelope in SS10's backpack. Yesterday I got the receipt and part of the message was changed from Love Dad & Yosemite to Love Dad, Mom & SD20.
FDH called her and BM told him she had gone to school to have breakfast with SS10, SS10 told her about the ad and she changed it cause she didn't think my name should be on a message in SS10's yearbook.
Ummm stupid cunt it wasn't yours to change. Buy your own ad if you want to.
I'm going to call the school Monday to see if anything can be done about it. immature.


ltman's picture


Yosemite's picture

Yep. The craziest part is that it's not like there could only be one message. The school has been pushing the kids to give forms to all their extended family because it's a fundraiser for them. So I really don't see the big deal of my name being in the message. She could certainly have submitted her own ad with a message as well. I know it's a little thing, but it's so rude!

Sparklelady's picture

No, Yosemite. The craziest part is the SIX or so pages of absolutely absurd arguments that follow below. Total nonsense!

BM didn't want your name there. Her problem. Fact that she took your name out and inserted hers next to YOUR husband's (and I say "husband'" because frankly except for that signed certificate in your hand, he is. If you have been in this kid's life for six years (?is that right?) anybody that tries to take away that status from you is a jerk!) just means that she's trying to deal a little blow to you. She is insecure.

Another issue I have: Who said that your stepson complained to his birth mother about the ad? (Somewhere around page 3 somebody brought this up) Maybe he just mentioned to her that she could buy her own ad... Either way, she chose to handle it poorly. All she had to do was buy her own ad, and for the love of Pete tell the school to put it above yours if she must so she could show that she's the most important!

I honestly cannot believe the crap criticism you are receiving over the fact that you are actually involved in this child's life! The few who are obviously very bitter birth mom's on their own, have given you crazy flack. And disappointingly, the stepmoms who have disengaged from their skids for their own protection have also given you flack.

Please don't ever refer to yourself as "just" a girlfriend! There is no requirement to have a marriage certificate to be officially welcomed into the stepdom world lol... I almost think that that's what's made me the most angry about all of these arguments LOL... Somehow you don't even count as a stepmom? Omg. You do the time, you deserve the credit.

Disneyfan's picture

She had no right to change the message. What she should have done was just pay for her own. I'm willing to bet there wasn't a one message per kid rule.

WickedEvilSM's picture

The more people who love and support a child the better! I've seen close family friends buy ads in these things. I've been chaperoning field trips for my skids (at their request) for years. I don't give a shit what BM or anyone else thinks about it other than my DH and kids. God it's not like you called yourself 'mom' in the yearbook ad. That's the bitchy turf thing. You tried to do something nice and BM turned it into a pissing contest. Poor kid.

Generic's picture

I have to wonder the true intentions of some GFs too. I assume OP is a real part of the family, but I've seen GFs use the school thing to claim turf.

Generic's picture

Yep- I read further down where she clarified her role in the family.
BTW, I have personally witnessed the claiming turf thing. It's not pretty and it's really embarrassing for the kids. Maybe I'm just a bit bitter about it, but it's happened. THiS poster's situation is not the same situation and I recognize it.

farting_glitter's picture

bingo HRNYC!...hell i see it ALL THE TIME on here too with some SM's...then they hate me for calling them out.....double standard :?

Smellissa's picture

Is it only a parents bf/gf you take issue with? Should a parents SO not be included? Or an older siblings? This is weird to me! Why shouldn't the kids dad be able to buy whatever ad he wants?

Yosemite's picture

For those who are questioning the appropriateness of my name in the message because I am just a GF, I appreciate your opinion and perspective. I would agree with you if there was only able to be one message in the yearbook or we had not been together so long.
However, we have been together almost 6 years, we are getting married in May and the messages were intended to be open to extended family members. There was no limit on the number of messages per student, in fact the school was pushing kids to get as many as they could because it's a fundraiser.
If someone's Great Aunt Thelma can put a message in the yearbook, surely Dad's significant other can be part of the signature on Dad's message?
If not, would it not have been more appropriate for BM to call FDH to work out the problem vs. hijacking the message?

JustAgirl42's picture

Yeah, that was a horrible statement for the counselor to interject! *Sarcasm* WTF?!

The counselor probably didn't let the kid keep talking after that either. :?

PetStr's picture

It has nothing to do with who's territory it is HRNYC , its a Fundraiser!!!! Anyone that wants to contribute CAN! That means Step mom, Old Aunt agnes, Grammy and Grandpa, even SS10'S little league coach or Mr Neighbor who's lawn SS10 helps mow. BM was WRONG and basically stole the ad to make it about herself. If anyone is pissing anywhere its that cheapskate BM.

farting_glitter's picture

if i was talking about you Hollow i would flat out say it....i don't talk shit about people behind their backs...if i don't like someone i let them your facts straight now?

farting_glitter's picture

yes, actually YOU did directly asked me...pretty sure it went something like this 'FartingGlitter, who or what are you referring too'...... and at this point i think it's best to drop anymore contact with me on here....the end....

Generic's picture

What would happen if an exstepmom/exgirlfriend still had a bond with a child. Notwithstanding how inappropriate it might be in other ways, do you apply the same general rule? Is it ok for her to show up at school games or send in statements of love to be publicized so long as the child still feels she is family? I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm really curious about responses.

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

HRNYC's previous blog is about going to a college info session at a high school for bio kids and skids!
Encouraging Stalkers to check it out.


JustAgirl42's picture


JustAgirl42's picture

WOW, I am a step-daughter and step-mother, and I have to say, HRNYC sounds very anti-SM.

Being that the SM-or-girlfriend, whatever, has been in this child's life for 6 years, I would think she's been pretty involved and has every right to have her name included on things,(unless SS requests otherwise, and we don't know this for sure).

I mean, are you going to hide her in the closet for the rest of his life? Pretend she doesn't exist? Pretend she's never done anything for him? That she's not a part of the family?

With things like this, I only ever felt that there were more people that loved me, were proud of me and supported me.

Do you want the kid to feel as though it's wrong for this woman to be in his life?

JustAgirl42's picture

EXACTLY - my mom and dad DO NOT like each other, and neither do my mom and step-mom like each other very much. BUT, my mom HAS NEVER tried to get me to hate her and has always been grateful that she's been nice to me.

Being unsupportive of another woman in your child's life, unless she's a bad influence, ='s that simple.

JustAgirl42's picture

Totally agree.

This is something our BM would do without a doubt. She wouldn't care whether SD wanted my name in her yearbook or not. And, she would have done that because she wouldn't have wanted to pay for her own ad either.

She is the most bitter, spiteful and angry person I've ever known...and I don't even know why. :?

Yosemite's picture

Oh my.....went to breakfast and my blog blew up while I was out, lol.
To be clear it NEVER even occurred to me that this would upset BM. I am not afraid of her and do not let her control my life, but I don't go out of my way to start shit with her either. This is out of respect and love for both FDH and skids. I definitely don't want to create uncomfortable situations for the skids if I can help it. Being human, I sometimes screw it up but I do try to make all this work for everyone.
I am not sure how participating in a fundraiser is trying to claim territory on SS10, but now that it has been brought up, I would say that it is ridiculous to say that one person is another person's territory. SS10 is the child of his parents, which is its own special unique unable to be duplicated or replaced relationship. The parental relationship is the most valuable to a child up until they are grown and possibly until they get married. Stepparent is a separate, though valid relationship that carries it's own set of expectations. Just like aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.
I love SS10 but I do not compete with his mother over him. That would be a foolish waste of time because bios always win unless they are unfit or abusive in some way.

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

I literally read every message.
This is insane.
I can related on the "GF" label because I have been attacked here multiple times simply because I am not SO's wife.
Despite the fact that we, like you, have been together for 6 years. And SD is only 6 right now - so almost all her life.

Your FDH paid for this message and it was completely wrong for BM to change it.
Even if Skid didn't like it, she should have told SS to address it with your FDH or she contact FDH personally about it.

But honestly. This has insecure written all over it. I doubt SS even had a problem with it, and BM lied about that.
BM here tries to justify her jealousy and rage with "SD said this" when SD in fact did not say anything of that.

I would be upset. The bitch can pay for her own.
FDH needs to contact the school to have it corrected or get a refund.

This is not a territory or turf issue. (Expect from BM. - not you)
Some of the Stalkers here go to extreme measures and accusations.
Crazy people.

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm not sure what the blow-up about the message is. If the messages were a fundraising gimmick and people could buy messages, I really don't see how the 'take' on this thread turned to what it has about 'staking turf' , 'inappropriate to include SM/GF' , blah blah.

My first thought was 'who paid for the yearbook'? No just messages but for the purchase of the actual yearbook for the child. Was it 50/50, BM paid all, Dad paid all? For one, if I as a BM solely paid for the yearbook and wanted nothing in it as to messages from others? I would have not allowed child to participate in gathering paid messages from other people. If I as the BM and Dad were paying for the yearbook 50/50, I would not mess with any message Dad choose to pay and submit. If Dad paid for the purchase of the book entirely, I as a BM would not think I could take it upon myself to change anything.

BM was wrong in this. She could have purchased an individual message is she wanted. But to take it upon herself to change Dad's paid for submitted message was childish and inappropriate. For Dad to pay for and submit the message with OP's name included should have been no big deal. Dad wrote nothing in the way of crossing boundaries or insinuating anything wrong. OP is part of the child's family on Dad's part. OP is not some just came around GF around for a couple months and likely to be out of the picture in a couple more.

If the yearbook is 'suppose' to be about the kids/for the kids and no one but the biological parents should be (in some unspoken 'rule') be included , then don't let the kid do the fundraising activity. Simple as that. No message from BM, no message from Dad, no accepted messages from anyone else. My school district we don't do the message fundraiser, but I can tell you the kids themselves drag their yearbooks all over school and allow other students and teachers write whatever they please all over the book. What would BM do in that case? take a sharpie and cross off?

The whole incident on BM's part was childish. If she really had an issue with Dad's message the most she should have done is pick up the phone and discuss it with Dad. The woman didn't even submit a message on her own. Why does she feel she can just take over the one Dad paid for and sub her own name in? She owes her ex an apology and to now pay for 1/2 the message.

twoviewpoints's picture

Ok, that I can agree with. If BM is known to be nuts about anything that might reflect OP is actually involved with the child , I wouldn't 'poke sticks' at BM. Why feed the crazy?

However if Dad paid for the yearbook (I still haven't read which parent or if both paid the yearbook fee, just the message fee), Dad should be able to include a self message from just Dad. If BM had paid for the yearbook, Dad should still be able to participate in the fundraising of messages. BM can't control an open fundraiser no matter how 'special' she thinks she is. BM was totally out of line to take it upon herself to add herself on Dad's dime even if OP's name not been on the message. BM never intended to submit any message saying anything at all, but once she knew and saw the message she crosses off OP and adds herself. If BM wasn't the one 'staking her turf' , why not just cross off the OP and leave just Dad? IMO BM herself has left this kid open to any feelings of awkwardness if anyone has (I don't think I read kid was initially upset/awkward about the original message, but I might have messed that).

I would think even you/your DH would be upset if Dad submitted a message for the SS's yearbook (stating just 'Dad') and BM took it upon herself to squeeze in 'and Mom'. Being what has occurred in the case OP is presenting I don't think it's wrong of Dad to phone the school Monday and ask the message to just state 'Dad'. Since OP now knows sh*t would hit with 'and OP', fine , don't poke the BM...but BM's name should be omitted. It is BM who put the kid in the middle to perhaps to feel awkward now by she herself injecting herself into Dad's message without approval and permission.

Yosemite's picture

BM and FDH both paid for a yearbook at the beginning of the year, so they will each get their own copy. The school is fully aware of the situation and the teacher this year has been really good about working with the family situation. SS10 has three folders in his backpack, one for BM,one for FDH and one for homework. If there is any info sent home to parents, teacher puts a copy in each parents folder.
So BM knew about the opportunity to participate in the fundraiser and didn't choose to do so until she hijacked our message.
It really is such a petty thing to me. The part that pisses me off is the nerve of her to change the message. BM should have just called FDH if she had a problem with it.

Lavender38's picture

I see there are some people on here who are delusional and think THEIR blended situations are the rule and apply to everyone else.
Those people need to get over themselves and get it through thier fat heads that not everyone hates their skids! Some of us actually try to all get along and be a family.

Lol if I had to stop doing things just because it might piss off the BM, then I better figure out how to live without breathing. The one in my situation is nuts and hates me just because I exist. I do not go out of my way to piss her off, but there is nothing wrong with me being a part of my SDs life.

FFS it's just a message in a yearbook from the soon to be "real" SM and the dad ( I know some of you get your panties in a bunch since she is "just the GF" and that is pretty crappy to do as well ) ! Claiming turf? Lmfao ! Some of you must really obsess over the BM and SM in your own lives.

Generic's picture

I have to admit, it's really hard to judge a sm's intention on such a public display of affection after reading so many negative skid stories.

JustAgirl42's picture

Those negative skid stories are usually the result of bad parenting...not the skids themselves.

Besides, judging doesn't get you anywhere...

WickedEvilSM's picture

Oh and must unpack lunches prepared for school. Certainly cant have BM upset about inappropriate feeding of kids at school. No helping with homework either! Yay, cause SS14s math homework is hard. Oh and of course no birthday presents.. How rude and thoughtless of me! }:)

WickedEvilSM's picture

This whole thread has me rather po'd. Every one on here has a different situation. As steps, we don't get credit for anything good we do, and have to put up with a lot of crap along the way. Here at least, it would be nice to support each other. Didn't anyone watch freakin Bambi? If ya can't say anything nice.... I always let my skids dictate their comfort level. That's what matters to me. My role in their life is to be supportive. Be proud to be who you are, be proud of your skids. Have a glass of wine with dinner to help you deal with all the crazy.

Disneyfan's picture

I will admit that I relate to the BM side of things here on steptalk more than the SM side.
But I can't for the life of me understand why BM was bothered by this. Any schmuck willing to pay for a message can do so. It's common for parents to hit up local businesses for these fundraisers. The owners are more than happy to congratulate little Johnny if it means getting a plug in for their business. The fact that the owner doesn't know Johnny from a can of paint doesn't matter.

If it's ok for a stranger to wish the kid luck, why can't dad's girlfriend do the same?

whatwasithinkin's picture

Wicked if by agree with everything everyone says on here and take it as gospel is support then your looking in the wrong direction.

I seriously doubt that OP could not have predicted this was going to be an issue with BM. I seriously doubt that out of the blue BM changed this ad for this year book. There had to be a glimpse or 25 prior that BM is insecure. So somsomeone's not being totally upfront here. And if OP honestly didn't think it would upset the apple cart then OP is naive. This didn't just "happen" I'm sure there is a past here we are not aware of.

Yosemite's picture

Oh there have been 1,025 glimpses that BM is an insecure crazy stupid cunt, no doubt about that.
But participating in a school fundraiser seems like such a rountine standard thing to do that it honestly didn't occur to me that it would bother her. Especially since it was open to anyone. It obviously didn't occur to FDH either. Color us naive.
I would have seen it different if each kid could only have one message or if it was presented as a message from the parents. As it was, SS10 had asked us to buy a message because the classroom who got the most messages got a party.

WickedEvilSM's picture

I certainly didn't mean to imply that you have to agree to be supportive. However it seemed to me that there were a lot of judgmental comments. If I don't agree with something I see posted I choose to pass it by. My negativity is not going to change someone's mind and will probably make their already crappy day worse. I felt bad for op, both for the situation she posted about to vent as well as having a bunch of comments accusing her of trying to "stake a claim". The BM I deal with is largely absent, mentally ill and very manipulative. I tried for years to make HER feel comfortable. Now I've figured out that I need to act in a way IM comfortable with. As long as I can be proud of the way I conduct myself and the choices I make that's all that matters. She can put on her big girl panties and deal with it. I'm all for discussion, but my foremost reason for being on this site is to know I'm not alone, and to help others if I can.

Generic's picture

I'm getting this fundraiser confused with the yearbook message to graduates from the family. You know, the one with the baby picture. That one seems like a doozy and I would assume more delicacy in handling than OPs situation.

Yosemite's picture

Agreed. This is the annual elementary school yearbook, they sell messages to be included as a fundraiser. It didn't seem like a big deal to me at the time.

ctnmom's picture

Shit! Why do things always blow up when I'm out yard saleing? For the record Yosemite, I think whomever bought the ad gets to say whats IN the ad. Wink

hereiam's picture

Oh my God, I was really hoping this would be dead by the time I finished my running around today; I have not read anything past page 2.

What the message said is absolutely irrelevant. BM had NO RIGHT to change it. Period.

That being said, my SD would have been really hurt if something like this would have been signed by only her dad and not me also.

almost.ready's picture

HRNYC, you are constantly bashing SMs on this site because they are "mean" and not doing enough for their steps. This woman made a clear effort to be a part of her stepson's life and now she's on someone else's territory? Give me a break! Six years in this child's life is plenty to include herself on a yearbook. And their are plenty of BMs who give birth to children who they can't seem to take care of and yet the SM is pulling all the weight for the child! What you should be saying is how awesome it is for her to be a part of SSs life and how lucky he is to have someone so willing to participate in his academic life.

It seems like your goal is to break down the actions of step parents no matter what they do.