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BM blowout at football practice....you would think she'd be more mature at 50!!! Tell me if you think I need an RO or not.

Yosemite's picture

Background: BM goes through periods of wanting my DH back and acts like a nut whenever this occurs. I have had very limited contact with her for years because of this. However, recently she had been trying to play nice with several big conciliatory gestures so I was trying as well. Then came Father's day, which happened to fall on her weekend. DH wanted to pick up SS11 in the morning and BM didn't want to give him up till the afternoon. DH made the mistake of saying it was because he wanted SS to be included in the Father's day events I was planning. BM called me crying, screaming and cussing so much that I couldn't even tell what she was talking about so I hung up on her. She then called DH and said I had no right to take away her time and that SS would only spend time with me over her dead body etc. The funny part is that I had no idea what time SS was coming and could care less whether he was there to make breakfast for DH or not. I love SS and if SS was present at the time, he would be included, but I would not weep if he were not. DH wanted him to be included, not me. I sent BM a text letting her know I was opting out of her crazy and that I would no longer be speaking to her, she should only contact DH in the future.
Things have gone on that way for about a month now. BM has tried to speak to me at several events and I have ignored her. They generally invite each other to events but since I will no longer go to her house, DH will no longer go without me, even though I have told him it doesn't bother me if he does.

Current issue: SS has a birthday next month and BM came up to me at foot ball practice yesterday afternoon stating that I was going to have to get over myself in time for SS birthday. DH told her we are planning a separate celebration and that while SS birthday falls on DH's day, DH is willing to let BM pick up SS at 7pm since that is half of the time left in the day after school.
BM freaked out and lunged at me screaming that it was all my fault that she would only get to spend half the day with her son. DH grabbed her and held her while she screamed and kicked at me. I told DH very calmly to let her go because I am more than capable of defending myself if she wants to try hitting me. DH said that he knows that and that he was holding BM for her own protection. That took the wind out of her sails pretty good and she stopped kicking and started crying. I walked off and DH let her go and followed me.
Needless to say, this all caused quite a spectacle at football practice. I know I can get an RO but I hesitate to do that because it will make things hard on SS. Plus I am not at all scared of BM. Thoughts?

Comments

fakemommy's picture

Get the RO because this won't be the last time and it'll make it easier on you. SS will adjust to the "new normal" of how things change with the RO. Witnessing these crazy confrontations will be harder on SS.

twoviewpoints's picture

The RO will very likely help SS rather than not. Poor kid. Imagine being 11 and having your 50yr old mother go ape pass crazy on anybody, not just your SM. What's wrong with that woman? Bad enough she was being held back like a rabid dog, but to behavior that way in front of her kid's peers?

As she has now made a total fool of her self, I'd look for her antics to ramp up. You know in her head the entire incident is all your fault. A RO will protect you (hopefully). One of the members here mentioned on a blog about a no contact order instead of a restraining order. If possible something similar would work in your case. It wouldn't ban here from being in the general vicinity (both could attend a ball game by keeping distance) but she couldn't come up around you or speak.

WTF...REALLY's picture

^^^^^^^this.
I bet the BM loved it. Get the RO.

And I would stop all combo events. You would have to anyway if you got a restraining order against her .

WalkOnBy's picture

DH had to get a restraining order on Medusa to keep her from showing up at our place repeatedly on his time.

Had zero effect on the skids, but it DID keep her away from the house Smile

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I think you should get a restraining order - what she did more than qualifies you for one. That way if she starts something, she will clearly be in the wrong. If you don't get a restraining order, and she starts something and you defend yourself - or DH gets involved - you run the risk of being charged as well if the police are called. Even though you would be in the right as you were only defending yourself, you still run the risk of the situation really escalating.

Not that she can't "walk right through that restraining order" - but it might be enough to deter her. And it gives you leverage because she can be charged with violating it without any physical contact occurring.

Glassslipper's picture

You should have filed a police report at least, collect them all and then file for the RO. My BM was bat shit crazy like that for 5 years, plus breaking into my house several times, stole my mail and bragged about it, stalking our home several times both while the kids were with us and not with us ect. The county sheriff's department put a no trespass order on her for my property, we have a no contact order on her through family court, and the RO was just the start of protection for me and the kids.
It's a good idea to have an RO in these situations!
Bottom line is, the kids shouldn't have to witness this behavior and grow up thinking this is how adults act!!! That's why I filed for my RO!
GOOD LUCK!

Maxwell09's picture

Get the RO just so when you go to court you have proof that she is crazy and creates public spectacles

misSTEP's picture

When our BM went nuts on her front lawn, that was enough for the judge to put a No Contact Order in the CO as well as order all exchanges to happen at a neutral third party site specifically for high-conflict parents.