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Why are my feelings ignored?!

YogaChick's picture

Very annoyed right now. My DH has been planning a trip with this friends for quite some time now. There is about 8 of them going so they had to coordinate schedules. I have no problem with him going on this trip. My ONLY request to him was that it was on a week that we don’t have all 4 kids. (We have my 2 SSs every other week, Friday-Friday) He has been talking about the trip for a while and every time he brings it up I remind him not to leave me here with all 4. I’m already overwhelmed on the weeks they are here even with my DH around. He does help out a lot around the house, but still… it’s still overwhelming. More cooking, cleaning, laundry, pick up and drop off to sports. You know the drill. Well DH comes home last night and tells me to get out my calendar so that he can let me know the date of the trip. He’ll be gone for 5 days. So he tells me the date and I just stare at the calendar then stare at him. Surprise surprise, it’s on a week we have all four. I’m pissed. He tries to justify it by telling me this is the only date that works for everybody. I tell him “Hold up, this doesn’t work for you because it doesn’t work for me!” All he says is “Sorry”. What.. the …fuck. So apparently my feelings mean nothing. He does not care that I will be overwhelmed. He says that he will give me $ so that I can get take out every night to help relieve some of the stress…. Gee thanks. I told him that he needs to call BM and tell her that she’s keeping the kids. Let’s think about this. SHE doesn’t have her kids, HE doesn’t have his kids…. I have their kids. Um.. no. Now I am the super bitch and he’s trying to guilt trip me and make it out like I don’t love his kids or that I’m not willing to do a favor for him. I don’t understand this mentality. I was perfectly clear about the schedule, he totally ignores what I said, but I’m the bitch?

Comments

thelaststraw's picture

Let's see - he's supposed to be in a loving relationship with you in which you both are responsible to each other to build each other up, be supportive and sensitive to each other's needs.

No -you're not the bitch. He is.

overworkedmom's picture

Is it possible to skip a week/ make up a week with the SS's? Sorry you might have to do this! 4 kids is a lot especially when 2 aren't actually yours!

YogaChick's picture

He could easily call BM and asks her to have them, the problem is that he won't. She never wants those kids more than the CO states. Can't be inconvenienced with her own kids, ya know. Funny though, we have done it many times for her when she had "plans". He has no balls when it comes to that woman. I guess he thinks it's easier to piss off your wife than your EX-WIFE.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Welcome to my world...DH always gets me pissed instead of the bum bitch.

3familiesIn1's picture

Oh gosh, you too?????

DH never ever asks BM to cover for him - yet we cover for her ALL the time. Like yours, our BM doesn't take them a day over the CO.

DH would rather piss me off than try to ask BM. Sometimes that really gets to me, so he will stomp on me, but not the XWife....

3familiesIn1's picture

I put my foot down a bit back, around year 2. DH was being all pissy with me because BM changed the schedule - HE let her - and I didn't jump and accommodate her change so our plans were still on.

I usually am a shut down type person. Well this time I yelled, loud and clear - blame the right party! Why am I at fault for BM? You want to be pissy, be pissy at her. She changed the days, not me and you chose to allow her. This is NOT my problem.

That is right about the time I completely disengaged from anything to do with BM - DH can deal with her, if he chooses not to - his choice, it has no further effect on me - I have no ability to fight his battle for him and its useless to try to help him because he doesn't try to help himself.

Been peaceful since then on that portion of stephell at least. I put a stop to that before I lost respect for him - so far that is holding - I respect him as my partner. What he is to BM or his kids - the jury is out...

If I lose respect for DH, I will not be able to stay married. I hope that doesn't happen. I lost respect for my XH for many many reasons and once that was done - it was over for me.

steptwins's picture

I get this too, only DH plays a lot of golf. Used to ask me, "do u mind if..." now its "I'm playing blah blah blah." Terrible is what it is. Never did my 1st DH do this, but I get it now w/swins left? NO NO NO NO. BM out having fun, DH out having fun, Stepmom left home to clean & cook dinner for skids sake.

Jmom's picture

DH tried this and it didn't work. If he ain't there SKID ain't there and that's just that. SKID has a mother and SKID needs to be with said mother of SKID if daddy ain't available. Unbelievable! Even during the summer. If he wants to get SKID then he needs to take off from work. I don't plan anything for SKID in this manner she has a mother and a father who can make plans for her.