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What would you do?

YogaChick's picture

I have a question for all of you. Recently me SS’s (13&17) have become more and more vocal about the “neglect” that goes on over at BM’s. We have week on week off custody. Basically she is never home, is always going out with her live in boyfriend. My youngest SS came home last week and just started spilling. He said that he spends more time with his aunt than his own mom. She works, gets home, her and her boyfriend go out leaving the kids home alone (they belong to a “workout club” and do this 5 nights a week). They never take them anywhere at all, really… like never. My oldest SS told me last week they ate pizza almost every day because BM and her boyfriend go out and bring them back a Costco pizza. I guess the boyfriend is a weirdo and super controlling. There’s a lot more to this but too much to type. Basically she’s just a shitty lazy parent. Anyways, my DH was talking with me about this and he’s so upset about it. I told him I don’t know how he doesn’t say anything because when someone is mistreating my kids, I feel like it’s my DUTY to tell them what a POS they are. Yeah maybe it won't change anything, but at least I've said something. My husband is very non-confrontational and we’ve had issues in the past because I feel that BM walks all over him talks all kinds of shit and he just takes it. It’s got to the point if he is speaking with her, he leaves the room so I don’t have to hear it and get mad about it. So when we were talking he said that he doesn’t want to say anything because he doesn’t want the kids to get in trouble when they go back to BM’s. I feel like if he doesn’t say anything he’s giving them the impression that it’s acceptable. What are your thoughts? What would you do if your kids were being ignored at the other parent’s house in a 50/50 arrangement? She would never give up her 50% for fear that my husband would come after her for CS. It's his decision how he deals with this, I just wanted some opinions.


pixiedust10's picture

I agree with you. I would find this unacceptable and I would try my best to get a therapist/social advocate for the children involved. We are currently dealing with this and have been for 2 years. Unfortunately in a lot of cases, unless the child is being put in harms way, it's difficult to change custody. Best of luck.

Totalybogus's picture

I would not do this. You would be just opening a GIANT can of worms and throwing an endless fount of money down the drain.

It is shitty that the kids feel they are neglected. But remember where its coming from them, it could be because they are trying to please you and their father. Not only that, it could be that they are not getting the attention they think they should have because they are competing with the new boyfriend.

Be careful with this. This is a slippery slope and bound to cost you plenty if you proceed.

If I were dad, I would sit them down and tell them that he's sorry they are feeling this way at their mother's house and they should speak up to her. They are old enough to understand that his hands are pretty much tied.

At least he gets them every other week and someone is paying attention to them.