I find that even the stories about my husbands kids are annoying to listen to. For a while I had been asking how his visits with his kids went.. What activity did they get up to. I decided this last weekend I wouldn't ask anything. I only asked what time he was getting back. I kept mum.
So my decision is that I switched the Christmas eve and Christmas day with my ex so that my kids don't miss out on their holiday dinner with all of their family, cousins aunts and uncles on their dads side. I knew they would want to go to that. I felt a bit upset..
However it will be fine and I'll treat Christmas eve the same as i would Christmas day... Have them open presents Christmas eve morning and have a nice dinner... Etc. Beating Christmas day to the punch, lol.
A couple of years ago I updated my separation agreement wording. During the process, I updated all of the holidays so it is very specifically worded now, including Christmas. The reason I updated this wording is because my ex caused me a considerable amount of troubles/issues each year.
I know I have posted about this relentlessly... Regarding my husbands 2 teenagers visiting the house. My boundary was that they don't ever come here. For things that happened in the past, the kids troubesome major issues they've had, lack of respect for my authority and the list goes on. Then husband tries to invite SS to our house last minute.. Twice.. For overnights....?
So now my ex last night told my twins that they have to quit their job if they don't get their drivers ed completed in his timeline. The girls told me on the car ride. They were worried their dad was literally going to make them quit their job (that I lined up for them). I posted on this previously.. It felt like their dad was trying to sabotage their job earlier when the 2nd week of starting their job he had them both book their shift off work so they could go to a town Fair (that was running multiple days....)
Spoke with my counselor about all this step kids stuff and my husband wanting to have his kids over here for a night. She understands I am too stressed to deal with them. She wondered why I was so worked up because it ended in my favour but understood i was upset about my boundary being tested somewhat.. She wondered if I could have used them coming over as a trial
I sometimes wonder if I am the bad guy for not allowing these kids back to my home but I 100 percent am not mentally prepared to see their faces let alone be in my home after their treatment and behavior
I always thought my husband would be there for me, defend and protect me
I guess maybe that's the case unless it's his poor, troubled kids
But what I think is this.
I think that he was so afraid of losing custody of his kids, or a relationship with them, because it was so dicey, that he allowed his children to treat me very poorly while not defending me or saying a single word to them
It's this guilty dad thing... The kids might not want to come over any more if god forbid we say anything to them whatsoever, to rock the boat with them.
Had another talk with my husband. He was asking if I was feeling ok. Somehow we talked about the boundary about his kids and I brought up about how he invited my SS to our wedding party 2 days before, against my wishes. He seemed really uncomfortable to talk about it. He just kept saying he doesn't remember how it went down and didn't recall inviting SS. I told him it made me feel horrible and upset that he invited SS knowing I didn't want that. Then he kept saying in an angry voice, "Well I can't do anything about it now! It's too late, it's already done!
So I've ended up having a discussion with my husband about the boundary about his kids coming over to our house and sleeping over (2 nights?!) so they could go to his father's service.
Thought I would expand on a comment from my last post. My boundary being his kids aren't allowed in our home as I'm dealing with late stage cancer and they caused me nothing but stress and anxiety
Regarding my husband placing me in the role of bad guy if I say anything or stand up for myself :