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Table manners.....

yesican's picture

I was reading another blog about problems with table manners. So here is my problem. My oldest bd (11) has horrible problem eating with her fork, she uses her fingers most of the time and she will put her food on her fork with her fingers and then eat it off the fork, she also eats with her mouth open alot of the time. We have worked with her since she was little at home and at families house. She is developmentally delayed and we are going to have her tested for autism too.
I always try to teach her and not think that she is delayed and that we aren't going to get very far with her. But I always wonder in the back of my mind is this something that she can really help? Am I pushing for something that she is not capable of?
I have really tried to encourage her, and not get upset with her. It really bothers me because she is getting older and going to be in middle school and I am very afraid she will be made fun of.
Please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

LotusFlower's picture

a child I knew with Downs Syndrome had the best table manners I had ever seen....he was so neat and careful...it was adorable...and then the rest of the "normal" kids had terrible table manners....I was like.....watch Johnny....he has the best table manners out of all of u...so I think is u keep working with her...she just may get it!!

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

stepmom2one's picture

do this in school. If she gets teased about it in middle school I bet she stops doing it there too.

Kids learn pretty quickly what they can and cannot get away with.

now4teens's picture

Please DO NOT sell her short just because she is develomentally delayed.

Because my son, age 19, has Down Syndrome, most of my good friends have children with disabilites.

And one of my best friends' daughter has Downs AND Autism (I know- a double-whammy). She is 18, and has impecable table manners- and has since she was very young.

All children can be taught. I suggest you speak to your BDs teacher and an occupational therapist as well. Perhaps she is frustrated with the mechanics of the utensils.

Or maybe she is acting out because she is frustrated with something else and expressing it through mealtime. This is the most stressful part with autism- it is difficult to figure what is truly at the heart of the matter because of the language issues. Which is why her teacher should be a valuable resouce to you!

Good luck!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

Sassy's picture

Now that just makes me jealous of Carol Brady!

Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

yesican's picture

She is a very beautiful little lady, she is currently in TX visiting her dad with her aunt ( for 9 days). We have spoken everyday and her aunt is working with her while she has her.

I will never give up hope for her and we will continue to encourage and remind her about her table manners. I do not want to handicap her more than she is and I do not want to use it as an excuse.

I guess I just needed some reasurrance more than anything. I see her struggle more and more as she gets older and I just wish I could take all of it upon myself and make life easier for her. She is so precious to me and I am so very thankful God blessed me with her.

Stop making people a priority in your life that only make you an option in theirs! author unknown

Elizabeth's picture

Is to keep your expectations high but your demands reasonable. So many children rise to the occasion. My sister was foster mother to an 11-year-old girl. The school and her parents had her doing second grade work and when they gave her homework they told her she didn't have to finish it (because they didn't think she could). My sister stuck with it, and one night she finished ALL her math homework (correctly). That little girl was so proud, and the school personnel were really surprised and decided maybe they needed to work with her more and try to advance her. She showed she could do it, when someone pushed her and gave her the opportunity.

Just keep a positive attitude and keep showing her the right way!

Kevin The Man's picture

My SO's two boys had the worst table manners when we met. I mentioned to them that I had a pet peeve of chewing with open mouths and that was a quick fix. I find elbows on the table rarely and other than the oldest taking bites that would choke a Hippo, the SO and I are very pleased. Know how I did it?? For every infraction, including belching and farting, I told the young lads that if they were going to act like Canadian lumberjacks then I was going to make them strong like Canadian lumberjacks. If they wish to be sloth and act like neanderthals then they were going to look the part and I enacted the 15 push-up rule. Make an infraction, get a look and a warning, do it again and you are pushing the world away from you 15 times. Now if I could get the youngest to eat something other than Mac & Cheese, then I will dance for joy!! BTW, the rule also applies to adults and I too have been called out and did my push-ups accordingly. Good for goose and gander.

I am making MEN here!!

Kevin The Man

Kevin The Man's picture

The downfall of our society was when young boys and girls (in our modern age) were denied the experience of seeing negative outcomes to their actions. That's the quote, we as parents need to provide that negative outcome.