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I had a misscarage after doctors told me I could not get pregnant

WWSMD's picture

Doctors told me I have blocked fallopian tubes and one completly blocked due to Endometriosis and that I would not be able to conceive. I swallowed the news and continued living life. A couple of weeks ago I was in severe pain and was rushed to the ER by my DH. We found out I had an ectopic pregnancy. It hurt alot knowing that for a brief time I had carried a child. I'm not at a shock because I know that me getting pregnant is not a possibility but a small part of me had hope and I don't even have that anymore. The stepkids are coming tonight and for the past few weeks it has been hard for me to be around them knowing that DH has been able to share the exprence of being a parent with BM and he has something I may never have. And seeing them run from the house excited to see their mom again cuts like a knife because I just imagine how it would feel having someone run to me. Adoption is an option but I'm not ready to look down that road yet. I feel like I am under water looking up at the world roaming the beach happy and full of hope while I am sinking further and drowning.

Comments

Anon2009's picture

I'm so sorry (((HUGS)))

Would you consider getting counseling? That's helped me through my own miscarriage, and many other problems.

askYOURdad's picture

I'm terribly sorry for you and everything you are feeling... I know exactly what you mean about struggling with the jealousy over the bond that DH has with BM regarding the children. ::Hugs::

savemysanity's picture

I can't imagine what you are going through. Please go to counseling, or at least talk to your doctor about getting on antidepressants for a while to get you through this. My children's pediatrician was actually the one that saw when I was suffering from severe postpartum depression and called in a prescription for me. I'm sure there are some hormonal things going on in your body right now, in addition to the mental anguish you must be experiencing. Hugs and prayers to you!!!

Starla's picture

(((HUGS))) I'm really sorry and your definitely not alone. Counseling and an anti depressant can be of great help bc you are going through a lot. Hang in there.

kathc's picture

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Here's my thought...you're both producing the necessary "parts" to make a baby...have you considered a surrogate?

WWSMD's picture

I don't know if I could deal with the jealousy of watching someone else carry my child and feel their first kicks and when they are born it will be her heartbeat they want to here and be close to not mine. I don't know I'm not ready to think about all of that right now.

Sweet T's picture

I have been where you are. In 2006 I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy at 11 weeks. It broke my heart and for the next year I struggled with depression. Please go see a therapist and get an RX for antidepressants.I also had endometriosis, but theywere able to clean up mine ( was not in my tubes) and I did go on to have a child. When you are ready look into adoption, there are so many children that need loving parents.

Hugs, and sending good thoughts your way.

LadyTremaine01's picture

Can you try IVF? this would by-pass your blocked tubes as the egg is fertilized in a lab and then inserted directly into the Uterus. However, it can be pricey if not covered by Insurance....

simifan's picture

{{{{Hugs}}}}
I'm so sorry. Have you talked to a fertility specialist? I have endo & it took 2 1/2 year & a clean out but I had DS... They do amazing things now.

ms_peterson's picture

I completely understand how you feel and I am so sorry for your loss. It is absolutely a loss and it is not something I would wish on anyone. I was 8 weeks pregnant and started spotting. My husband and I went to the emergency room and I hadn't had an ultrasound yet. They did an ultrasound but found no heartbeat. I then had to come back four days later for more tests, and again there was no heartbeat. The baby wasn't growing anymore :/. They gave me the medication for the miscarriage and although at the time I put on a brave face, I was destroyed. I have had so many issues with my cycles that I thought I couldn't get pregnant, so when I did while on birth control I was shocked and scared at first, but then fell in love with the pure love I felt for what was growing inside me. I'm totally here if you need someone to talk to :/.