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Aftermath

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

As I'm writing this, I'm at exchange. BM was going to let DH have SD two weekends in a row since he had been deployed. Well the first weekend she said she had plans Friday so this weekends visit was going to be Sat-Sun. Not a problem. So in the meantime, I make arrangements for my DD to sleep over at a friend's Friday night so we can have alone time, especially since things had been so rocky before DH left.

Well then at the last minute decides she doesn't want SD on Friday and manipulates DH with the blatant "oh she just missed you SO much" bullshit. DH said he'd have to check with me first and BM flipped shit. Point for DH for at least doing that much.

So he calls me and I tell him that no, I'm not really ok with it. There was a plan and I wanted a child free evening so BM should have to stick with it. DH goes off at me about how I'm selfish and he's taking the visitation anyway and how dare I say no. (So you called to give me an option, but really it wasn't an option)

I told him that I'm not wrong in wanting time to ourselves and wanting to tell BM that if she makes a plan she has to stick with it. That ISNT me trying to alienate SD, especially since he was going to see her the NEXT DAY plus next weekend!

He's trying to work it out but TBH I'm a cranky resentful bitch who is ready to get out. He doesn't get how him doing this is basically BM dangling SD out like a carrot just to see how high he'll jump. The blatant manipulation makes me sick.

Tonight I am going out to the gym, and then to the movies by myself. If DH wants to blow off a night alone, I'm taking it myself dammit.

Comments

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

Thanks everyone, I really don't know what I'd do without ST. I'm in such a pissy mood and I don't think SD's behavior is cute in the least. I want to leave the house but I'm almost already to pissed off to do that, or even eat. My weekend is fucking ruined.

Ninji's picture

Agreed, but it was pretty crappy of him to ask her opinion and then get pissy about her honest answer.

Cocoa's picture

well he hasn't seen his wife, either and this would have been the only time they had seeing as sd was coming the NEXT DAY plus the following weekend. they had plans, he was still seeing his daughter as previously agreed, and op had sent her own child out. this is the kind of stuff that fuels step mothers' resentment, always being placed on the back burner.

WTF...REALLY's picture

You have every right to be upset.

Go out to a movie. Get out of the home and play

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

I left the house and went and got a quiet dinner, and then I spent some quality time with my dog. DH has been touch and go but I'm just completely disengaged from SD, which is glorious. I just need a good set of headphones so I can't hear her talk in her constant whiney voice or her tantrums.

luchay's picture

I feel for you, mine used to do this to me ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

I cancelled so many plans because he would pull this shit, exactly the same as yours did. One time to many he tried it - we had a whole weekend away planned and paid for, NO kids. We got 4 totally kid free weekends a year. It was BM's weekend.

But last minute she needed him to drive them to sleepovers (it wasn't even TIME WITH HIM or an extra night, it was a 2.5 hour round trip on the Saturday then again the Sunday. We had 2 nights away planned. And he scrapped that to do BM's bidding.

I went anyway, alone.

He promised me when I got back that he would change and never do it again.

Yeah, that lasted. NOT.

Sorry honey, I have nothing helpful for you. But think hard about it, he has shown you who he is tonight. Does he do this often?

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

I want to say no he doesn't do this often, but that's probably because I rarely get a kid free evening since my DD lives with us full-time since her dad is 1000s of miles away. Today I spent a lot of time "working" (on my YouTube channel) and spent extra long at the gym. Luckily a family friend was also in town and invited DD and I out to lunch (specifically didn't mention DH or SD) and so I took DD since the other person was paying and it would be rude to bring two extra people along.

SD was ok yesterday as she usually is the first time back after her dad's been gone awhile, but we were woken up several times during the night (seriously wtf kind of 4 year old consistently does NOT sleep through the night?!) and today we've already had one screaming/kicking fit so it's going downhill. Then DH decided he needed to leave to take care of errands and that "SD wanted to stay home" so I'm stuck here with her which I am none too pleased about. TV is doing the babysitting since I certainly do not want to.

MissElphaba's picture

Oh no! I would've said too bad...put your coat on SD, you're going along. Daddy should be keeping her all the time, especially after the way he was Friday.